I also wished the man child she is with good luck.. Because I saw they said I love you about 300 times between july 2nd and then... July 1st was the date of the affair. I remember that day feeling odd like there was something wrong with the force is the only way I can word it. Turns out that was the day she cheated on me five times with him.... The next day she did't tell me and in fact had his hat and was sniffing it and things.
I opened up my heart to her on one of the these days and she said to him it just proved how dead we were. So fine. What ever. She did a lot of damage to me, and even confessed to me she used the allegations of abuse so she could go and stay there with him. She then turned his guilt into hatred for me, and as well this guy was a virgin. She's going down a dangerous path that is going to blow up in her face.
But hey! I have a 13inch retina macbook pro, a cute snake and a cannon rebel DLSR!
She's staring at me right now. How could anybody abandon such a creature! :O Her name is sammy.
She told me she didn't want to burn this bridge. Yeah she didn't, me seeing her messages made that bridge turn into a god's be damned nuclear crater. I was depressed and worried for a long awhile because of how much I cared for her, yet she told me she never cared for me. Or rather she never felt anything for me due to the disorder. I don't hate any of them. I have too many memories from too many lives to feel the need of grudges or hatred. I just wish her the best of the luck, and I hope she hasn't made a mistake.
I got code blocks for my macbook I'm going to try to dig into C++ and see what I can do. I thank you lot for being supportive of me while my heart was torn from my chest mortal combat style. Oh well I'll go stick that on a shelf and be amazed at how many knives and daggers are in it, maybe dust the lint off of it.
Now I need to dig up one of the wacom tablets and maybe see if theres any good freeware drawing programs for the mac.
I've dusted myself off. I may be that poor bastard of the romance novel who is the guy who puts her on a train station and is never mentioned throughout its chapters, but I have a feeling that romance novel is going to be one filled with strife and not filled with a better life. She said she left here because of broken promises, but a relationship built upon a foundation of deceit and manipulation is not a good thing.
This has strengthened the values I know I have. I'll still see about getting therapy because theres many things from my past I am not sure I am even coping with properly. I know I can't strictly push the blame of the relationship on her, but even if 10% of it was my fault I want to know what part of me was messed up.
There are many things my ex-fiancee abandoned that even her family said quote "She relinquished everything." I hope I can find the ring I bought for her. It's an antique ring and I would prefer to save it, it as a sentiment because of it is past before I gave it to her. There's also a few antique things she bought for us, that I am going to keep to protect them..
I am moving on. I am not upset, mad, or.. I can't say hurt because I feel a bit of sadness, but not sadness of losing her. Sadness of seeing a person lose themselves to such an extent, I feel a bit of pity for her, and massive disappointment. To hear her mother say to me I am still part of the family and she is disgusted with her daughter's actions speaks numbers I think.
My mother is a witch and she says she sees something better coming in my future. Time will tell what happens, but I am going to engross myself into new things, and rekindle the flames of old things I put aside in order to prepare for a future that never came.
She made her choice leaving me at the cross roads. I wish her fare well, and the best of luck. I bless her from the bottom of my heart and soul and wish her luck upon her journey of self discovery. I wish no ill will upon her.
You'll probably see me frequently around here as I squirrel away money for a pyra!
