The Caring Corner :)


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I'm getting therapy.. this whole ordeal has brought up so many issues and I need help. Friends, family isn't cutting it.

One minute I feel on top of the world the next I'm twenty paces away from thinking dark thoughts.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do life. My father is a programmer always loved that stuff want to get into that.(don't know where to start) Also get back into art, my fiancée doing art in a way made me feel inadequate.. Started drawing heavily. Studying an artist I love.

But things are equally grim and hopeful... I'm dead and alive.. I feel sideways.

At this point if they medicate me I don't care. Heck if I was living on my own I'd probably be picking up a hookah and start enjoying tabacco.

Gods when I finally get a place it's going to look utterly insane.
 
(Believe somebody with fucked up lungs when he says "fuck tobacco".)
Sounds like you're really contemplating to get out of the house. I'm happy to hear that!

Getting started with programming - we have talked about that a number of times on these here boards. Python is often recommended. Lua seems to be quite popular, too. Or if you want to see quicker results and get more into the game logic side of things, there's game makers available.
I'd say anything is viable as long as you stick to it and it takes your mind of things. I know it helps me - fiddling with my shoddy c++ code and looking for ways to improve surely makes me forget about everything else :)
Games can be a great way to express your feelings, tell a story and get your art out to people. Well, cames are art. The general public has yet to accept that. Why not help make them understand? You could focus on influencing your environment, instead of the incfluence your environment has on you.
 
Games are what I am thinking of. Nothing big probably a tad bit more story based because of my background. (2-d side scroller is what I'm thinking of, closer to the Cat lady or things like that.)

I just need to know where to start.. because I need to find myself before I lose who I am.
 
Choose any language and get going with the basics. Variables. Data types. Assignments. Operators. Control structures. Functions/methods. Structuring code, commenting, making it readable. Those things are pretty general and apply to many other dialects. If you're comfy with those things get into SDL via one of the many tuts on the subject. There's an abundance of tutorials out there.
http://www.wikihow.com/Start-Learning-Computer-Programming
etc. Just search the web. Or look on youtube even.
 
Did some research. I think C++ is the correct of can of worms to light my head on fire with.

Luckily I'm not doing this exactly on my own. My father is a programmer, however his language is COBOL, he worked for numerous financial institutions doing bank coversions... However he has access to a lot of tools and is more than willing to help me.

When I little I saw the stress my father went through and how miserable he was and my biggest fear was being that miserable... I tried my damnest,but I guess I failed. I thought it was programming that did it to him, but no... there's so much more.

I lost my fiancée, and I've lost joy in life, I'm in enough debt to make me sweat, and I'm working a job I'm not 100% sure about for.... Stability... yupe I became what I sought never to be...

This is both an enlightening and depressing moment of self reflection... honestly I'd rather have my fiancée back and be cuddling somebody right now than fighting off the existential dread with a tooth pick.

Where did my life go wrong? Oh right I grew up in a city with a horrible education system.
 
I just deleted the three paragraphs I had originally written, I feel like stealing everyone's time, including mine.

While cuddling may be nice, it will not find you a flat or a job and it won't clear your debts.
Get started and stop wallowing in your misery.
 
Get started and stop wallowing in your misery.

I am trying but it's a hellish roller coaster... doesn't help my dreams are slipping back into showing me mundane happy things, only to wake up and be alone and cold.

I have four twelve hour shifts this week which should bring in the money. I've already eliminated one of my credit cards. It was the smallest one but still.

It's difficult to eat when reality is shaken up so bad and everything feels empty. So yes I am wallowing in misery, because honestly I'd rather get in a knife fight than deal with all of this crap.

And the dreams... just life before this. That's what they are. I'll stop posting here since I'm such a downer..
 
If this was bringing me down, I would not read it. Talking helps, so continue posting here. But you must get going in order to get yourself out of this downwards spiral.

Install an IDE today!
 
I got a credit card payed off bringing down my debt total to close to 9k however the biggest hit is coming from the interest free credit card which I am using strictly for that purpose.

I also have the 2k loan for vw bug,

But my finances are leveling out. I think if I'm able to knock out the last interest credit card (1008 dollars) I should be able to..,, PREORDER a PYRA :O

Then as I get more involved with coding I could use it for that!!! I just hope they come in clear.

(Trying to hold off the existential dread by realizing net gains of not having fiancée around.... I don't know if it's working.)


Gotta get my debt paid off... I have too..
 
I got a credit card payed off bringing down my debt total to close to 9k however the biggest hit is coming from the interest free credit card which I am using strictly for that purpose.

I also have the 2k loan for vw bug,

But my finances are leveling out. I think if I'm able to knock out the last interest credit card (1008 dollars) I should be able to..,, PREORDER a PYRA :O

Then as I get more involved with coding I could use it for that!!! I just hope they come in clear.

(Trying to hold off the existential dread by realizing net gains of not having fiancée around.... I don't know if it's working.)


Gotta get my debt paid off... I have too..
Good on you man. You'll be happier without debt.
 
I had to get in debt to get a credit score... or lines of credit for a house I was going to buy before that job randomly canned me... things been chaotic. I hated getting in debt, I was living comfortably with a minimal wage and had a bank account with 1500 every month.

Now with all of the payments those days are long gone... until I get out of debt. Or at least get rid of one of the main interest one 5000 at 21% interest is a knee capper.

But luckily my credit score isn't horrible, especially considering I'm 22.


I learned some valuable lessons.. many which Im happy I learned now. Debt makes my skin crawl.
 
I ended things.

My iPhone screen exploded so I talked to my fiancée she said to use her old phone.

I saw the messages from messenger.

Yeah I ended it and I sent her the tame impala song why won't you make up your mind..

Seemed a bit fitting.

I'm not upset or hurt I'm just feeling utter disappointment. Her mother is disgusted with her actions I sent her some of the things she said to more or less make sure nothing falls back on me.

So yeah... I think I'll be preordering a pyra once I figure out how my money is doing.
 
I ended things.

My iPhone screen exploded so I talked to my fiancée she said to use her old phone.

I saw the messages from messenger.

Yeah I ended it and I sent her the tame impala song why won't you make up your mind..

Seemed a bit fitting.

I'm not upset or hurt I'm just feeling utter disappointment. Her mother is disgusted with her actions I sent her some of the things she said to more or less make sure nothing falls back on me.

So yeah... I think I'll be preordering a pyra once I figure out how my money is doing.
Ouch.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
 
@DrHAX at least the uncertainty is over. Pick up what is left of your heart. It might need some mending, but some other girl will eventually come around and want it.
 
I also wished the man child she is with good luck.. Because I saw they said I love you about 300 times between july 2nd and then... July 1st was the date of the affair. I remember that day feeling odd like there was something wrong with the force is the only way I can word it. Turns out that was the day she cheated on me five times with him.... The next day she did't tell me and in fact had his hat and was sniffing it and things.

I opened up my heart to her on one of the these days and she said to him it just proved how dead we were. So fine. What ever. She did a lot of damage to me, and even confessed to me she used the allegations of abuse so she could go and stay there with him. She then turned his guilt into hatred for me, and as well this guy was a virgin. She's going down a dangerous path that is going to blow up in her face.

But hey! I have a 13inch retina macbook pro, a cute snake and a cannon rebel DLSR!
TFIY6156.jpg


She's staring at me right now. How could anybody abandon such a creature! :O Her name is sammy.

She told me she didn't want to burn this bridge. Yeah she didn't, me seeing her messages made that bridge turn into a god's be damned nuclear crater. I was depressed and worried for a long awhile because of how much I cared for her, yet she told me she never cared for me. Or rather she never felt anything for me due to the disorder. I don't hate any of them. I have too many memories from too many lives to feel the need of grudges or hatred. I just wish her the best of the luck, and I hope she hasn't made a mistake.

I got code blocks for my macbook I'm going to try to dig into C++ and see what I can do. I thank you lot for being supportive of me while my heart was torn from my chest mortal combat style. Oh well I'll go stick that on a shelf and be amazed at how many knives and daggers are in it, maybe dust the lint off of it.

Now I need to dig up one of the wacom tablets and maybe see if theres any good freeware drawing programs for the mac.

I've dusted myself off. I may be that poor bastard of the romance novel who is the guy who puts her on a train station and is never mentioned throughout its chapters, but I have a feeling that romance novel is going to be one filled with strife and not filled with a better life. She said she left here because of broken promises, but a relationship built upon a foundation of deceit and manipulation is not a good thing.

This has strengthened the values I know I have. I'll still see about getting therapy because theres many things from my past I am not sure I am even coping with properly. I know I can't strictly push the blame of the relationship on her, but even if 10% of it was my fault I want to know what part of me was messed up.

There are many things my ex-fiancee abandoned that even her family said quote "She relinquished everything." I hope I can find the ring I bought for her. It's an antique ring and I would prefer to save it, it as a sentiment because of it is past before I gave it to her. There's also a few antique things she bought for us, that I am going to keep to protect them..

I am moving on. I am not upset, mad, or.. I can't say hurt because I feel a bit of sadness, but not sadness of losing her. Sadness of seeing a person lose themselves to such an extent, I feel a bit of pity for her, and massive disappointment. To hear her mother say to me I am still part of the family and she is disgusted with her daughter's actions speaks numbers I think.

My mother is a witch and she says she sees something better coming in my future. Time will tell what happens, but I am going to engross myself into new things, and rekindle the flames of old things I put aside in order to prepare for a future that never came.

She made her choice leaving me at the cross roads. I wish her fare well, and the best of luck. I bless her from the bottom of my heart and soul and wish her luck upon her journey of self discovery. I wish no ill will upon her.

You'll probably see me frequently around here as I squirrel away money for a pyra!
 
So take, this broken makefile,
and learn to compile again,
learn to live with an OS that's free.
When we hear, the E.D. say:
The pyra's ready.
The dragonshop's open, get one for the win.
yeah yeah.

 
>>I opened up my heart to her on one of the these days and she said to him it just proved how dead we were.
Madonna: Open your heart

So fine. What ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVgpKi823WQ

She did a lot of damage to me,


and even confessed to me she used the allegations of abuse
Confession part 2 - Usher

so she could go and stay there with him.

>She then turned his guilt into hatred for me,
also: Six Feet Under - My Hatred (metal)
and Snowgoons The Hatred (rap)
and Crystal Lake - Hatred (metal)

>and as well this guy was a virgin.


>She's going down a dangerous path that is

>going to blow up in her face.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC1s0tSsTjo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p74sRyhPNaU

>>But hey!
Smash Mouth - All Star


>>I have a 13inch retina macbook pro,
I'm and old soul. What is true and fake...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcEICRUBHY0

>>a cute snake
She's a cold hearted snake, look into her eyes, she's been telling lies - Paula Abdul
wait... cute... uh... THIS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfHT88x4wXU

and a cannon rebel DLSR!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl-_ZmNCOvo
 
My ex fiancée told me I wasn't ready for a relationship. No both her and the person she cheated with me on are in a mutual aggreement. Not sure if that belongs here or in the absurdism corner..xD



I just bought something expensive and I am worried the guy on eBay will some how back out.o_O It's happened before when I got an amazing deal on something.:(
 
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