The Caring Corner :)


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Update on the cats outside my house:

Friday morning I went to get something from behind my house and saw a grey and brown striped cat I have never seen before jump out from next to me and run to the trees. I tried to get it to come over to me, and it flopped on its side and meowed at me, so I did the same back, and we did that for a couple minutes. I tried to move closer and it got up and walked a few feet further away when I got too close, so I left it at that.

Friday night, arriving home after dark I saw a cat that had coloration and a profile very similar to one that lives inside my house. It was up the street a little ways, near the major road with heavy traffic we live near, so I ran inside to verify that it wasn't the cat it resembled (he sometimes sneaks out, but doesn't know what to do when he is outside...which is how we got him. He walked into our house one day.). So it turns out there is an orange striped cat living around my house that I have never seen before.

We frequently see white cats outside. I finally saw that there are two of them myself Saturday morning just after dawn. I saw one on a tree stump when I walked by a window, so I moved the blinds and saw it out there playing with another one that looked a lot like it. They kept running around on the side and back of the house, climbing trees, and rolling in leaves and pine needles. Eventually one of them stalked away toward the front of the house where I had seen a bird earlier, and the other one followed.

I haven't seen the black one lately.

I might start leaving clean water out for them.
 
blimpsgo180 said:
I'm in a really bad place right now.
Click to expand...
So things only can get better? Because if they can get worse, then be glad you are not in THAT place. Gotta stand on your own first. (cue 'greatest love' from Whitney Houston, maybe 'probably me' from Sting).
But look at it from the bright side: Facebook usually eats 2 hours of your day, everyday. So you have that time to choose what you would like to do. From going to the park, to build something (from software, to glued matches, to muscles in your own body), to reading something.

My thing is science, if I am down I turn to stuff like this:
lunar month fits in month if we had a 360 day year (if we change earth speed)
Or the fact that jupiter is in virgo, depicting revelation 6 (look it up in kstars or stellarium)
Or learn about planets. Which ones actually rotate the wrong way, of have rings the wrong way, or actually do not adhere to what we are being told how stuff is created.

Or maybe that is not your thing. Try learning how to make balloons (the two balloon dog, on youtube). Or get good at playing an instrument. Or do a late-springbreak cleaning session. Clean those nook and crannies you never bother to clean.


This is a sci-fi book I enjoyed a lot, listen to it too, then we can talk about it, if you like:


and what really helps: mens sana in corpore sano. Try to eat more healthier and balanced AND exercise, even if it is just 5 minutes in the morning. Just 5 minutes will transform you, if you do it day after day. BREAK your current routine. Eat somewhere else, walk home differently. Be somewhere at a festival or something someone organized in your neighborhood.
[doublepost=1499008458,1499006443][/doublepost]and do the opposite of this: https://9gag.com/tv/p/aZ1Q2X/7-ways-to-maximize-misery
 
FBnil said:
So things only can get better? Because if they can get worse, then be glad you are not in THAT place. Gotta stand on your own first. (cue 'greatest love' from Whitney Houston, maybe 'probably me' from Sting).
But look at it from the bright side: Facebook usually eats 2 hours of your day, everyday. So you have that time to choose what you would like to do. From going to the park, to build something (from software, to glued matches, to muscles in your own body), to reading something.

My thing is science, if I am down I turn to stuff like this:
lunar month fits in month if we had a 360 day year (if we change earth speed)
Or the fact that jupiter is in virgo, depicting revelation 6 (look it up in kstars or stellarium)
Or learn about planets. Which ones actually rotate the wrong way, of have rings the wrong way, or actually do not adhere to what we are being told how stuff is created.

Or maybe that is not your thing. Try learning how to make balloons (the two balloon dog, on youtube). Or get good at playing an instrument. Or do a late-springbreak cleaning session. Clean those nook and crannies you never bother to clean.


This is a sci-fi book I enjoyed a lot, listen to it too, then we can talk about it, if you like:


and what really helps: mens sana in corpore sano. Try to eat more healthier and balanced AND exercise, even if it is just 5 minutes in the morning. Just 5 minutes will transform you, if you do it day after day. BREAK your current routine. Eat somewhere else, walk home differently. Be somewhere at a festival or something someone organized in your neighborhood.
[doublepost=1499008458,1499006443][/doublepost]and do the opposite of this: https://9gag.com/tv/p/aZ1Q2X/7-ways-to-maximize-misery
Click to expand...

Thank you for this. It brightened my day. I'm going to try to listen to the audiobook.

You say your thing is science... my thing is video games. I love getting lost in a world that's not my own. I might try to play some Skyrim before the day is over.
 
rygD said:
cats
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This reminds me of this :
http://www.explodingkittens.com/kittyconvict
Thought you guys might like it.

Edit : Damn, that "Misery" video hit a little too close to home. Thanks for pointing out to me the parts I'm not already working on. For everyone who might feel any close to this situation, remember that acting against it is proof you're not a lost cause. When confronted to this, I think to myself as a patient during recovery. This does help quite a bit. :)
 
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Whenever we find a dog or cat we take it to get checked for an RFID or whatever (none have had them so far). Those that stay with us get one off those, and a collar, and tags with our contact info...all except one cat.

He refuses to wear anything. More than 5 years after he moved in with us I still try to put something around his neck every month or two for a few days. The longest anything has lasted was around an hour when I snuck something on while he was sleeping.

He likes to hunt (usually the other cats, but sometimes bugs or lizards or string or rubber bands), but he doesn't like to go outside. Sometimes I take him outside in my arms, such as when taking him for medical treatment (instead of locking him in a box) and he is ok, but he doesn't want to go out there alone. He lived under our house for a while before we bright him in, and he would run to the door when I left for work and meow at me, then wait for me to get home and meow at me some more. I think he is done with that, and he would rather share my meals and meow at me.

But no collar or going outside for him.

I try to get close to most vertebrates I see outside, and make friends. I would love to bring in even wild animals. Who cares if it is stupid.

Oh, and house cats are less convicts and more prisoners in a different way. Like when a crazy person keeps someone locked up in their house. Somehow it is not considered crazy to do it when it's not a human. I appreciate the ideas behind the orange collar, though I don't really think it is all that easy to see. I mean a lot of cats are orange and can still be difficult to see. The big ol' tom cat we have is like a baby, and he has really sensitive skin, so we have to get him whatever collars are soft and smooth inside without things that will irritate his neck, and those are hard to find, so I can't be picky about the color. He is also scared of being outside, and freaked out the one time when he accidentally followed the dogs outside, and he wanted back in. For the one that I can be picky, and that wears a collar and sneaks out, I usually look for fun or bright collars. Right now he has one covered in iridescent reflective spots which will stand out better than orange during the day, especially around the trees and leaves during autumn. At night, with a flashlight it sparkly and reflective, also making him easy to find.

Fun story: The cat that refuses to wear collars really enjoys watching fidget spinners. I have been putting one near where he eats so he can stare at it after his meals. When it slows down he hits it to make it spin faster. Unfortunately this sometimes stops it, just like when humans try to keep them going. For now he has a chromed plastic one because it is highly reflective (it was the first one I bought for a few dollars, while the one I usually keep in my pocket and fiddle with (I actually fidget with it, not tricks or trying to keep it spinning for 8 hours at a time, although it spins for over 5 minutes if I actually try) is a "Silver" dark grey TiMi Tree one that I spun on the counter while we were eating, and he loved it). If I see one that he might like better I might consider getting it for him. I have tried to get him to play touchscreen games a couple times, which he finds boring after a few seconds. He prefers tactile things when he is playing games. Smart cat. Maybe I should let him try my Pandora.
 
rygD said:
Oh, and house cats are less convicts and more prisoners in a different way. Like when a crazy person keeps someone locked up in their house. Somehow it is not considered crazy to do it when it's not a human
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I'm a host family for many cats, hosting them until we find a family for them. Not all of them enjoy going out. Some absolutely need to (we've got one who now spends his life outside. Whenever we put him inside, he just spends the whole time growling at us, while he's adorable when we meet him outside) but some don't feel the need at all. We even had one cat who had probably spent his life outside, he was 9 when we rescued him (he had been caught by animal control and was going to be euthanised) and once he discovered couches, he no longer wanted to go out.
 
ElPoco said:
I'm a host family for many cats, hosting them until we find a family for them. Not all of them enjoy going out. Some absolutely need to (we've got one who now spends his life outside. Whenever we put him inside, he just spends the whole time growling at us, while he's adorable when we meet him outside) but some don't feel the need at all. We even had one cat who had probably spent his life outside, he was 9 when we rescued him (he had been caught by animal control and was going to be euthanised) and once he discovered couches, he no longer wanted to go out.
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Another cat I lived with long ago was having trouble learning to use his box back when it was only him and my mother. She got tired of him making a mess, so she the him outside. He loved it. That was in a neighborhood in a city not far from a major road, and he did fine(not all cats fare so well, even with no high traffic roads nearby). He stayed with us through subsequent relocations, and eventually ended up in rural areas with lots of space to run around and hunt. He rarely went inside.

All of the cats currently living with me lived outside for at least a little while, although it is possible that the one with the sparkly collar had a bunch of families in the area where we used to live, and he would go from house to house, not really living outside.

There were a bunch of strays in the neighborhood where the other two came from. All the others seemed fine outside, which is why we only have the three. Other people in the neighborhood supposedly took some others in (especially kittens, for obvious reasons).

I am less concerned about the cats in rural areas. I know they can still get killed, but they aren't as likely to get run over by a car or abused by humans. The big guy has what seems to be a BB in his skin. He is also really nervous, so it's probably better for him to stay inside. He also sucks at hunting, as he lacks the confidence and aggression required to catch things. He really seems to enjoy sitting in his little box on the counter and watching humans prepare food and wash dishes, getting head rubs and occasional treats.
 
I... don't know where to start.

My fiancée cheated on me with a single guy five times in one night.... a guy who is my friend, a guy from out of state. This happened about four days ago and she told me what happened..

I've been breaking down. Now she is on a greyhound bus to Albany New York in order to start a new life. She says for us and she'll be crashing with that guy.

I've been so lost. She hurt me and I hurt her and now I can't believe what is happening she says she still loves me she just can't stay here anymore. Between my family and the pressures of her's and her alexthymia she's gone.

I...

I don't know what to feel she's still messaging me.she told me at the bus station we'll be still be together and to get out of debt and once she's got things squared away she'll send for me..

My family was freaking out at me and screaming at me. Her mother was kind and sympathetic...

I feel ill and sick to my stomach. Four years and this is what happens? I forgave her but it still hurts.... oh gods it hurts.

Oh gods... oh gods...

I don't know what to do....
 
@DrHAX I would do what she said with regards to getting out of debt, if for no other reason than it will be a favor to yourself. But also, she may be true to her word about coming back for that reason.

I take her messaging you as a good sign. Seems she still has feelings for you, and didn't completely run off.

I am so sorry this happened.
 
If your fiance is cheating and is moving in with the guy she cheated with then it's probably for the best to forget, maybe for your sake ask her parents to collect all her stuff if you can pack it into boxes, will help you move on.

Let us know if you need anything!
 
Yeah just don't be a doormat. I have seen people accept people back for doing crap like that and well it never works out well and I think it kills them a bit on the inside. People cheat it happens don't take it personally.

If she was sorry and regretted what she did the last thing on the planet she would be doing is crashing at that guys house. You are broken up and she is sleeping with him, you are not together anymore and you shouldn't take her back.

Goto the gym, go on tinder, block her phone, hire a hooker if you must. Just do everything in your power not to take her back and come out the other side a better person.
 
DrHAX said:
I don't know what to do....
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Dump her right now. You can't have a relationship with a selfish person and seriously, this:
DrHAX said:
she told me at the bus station we'll be still be together
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sounds like she thinks that it's her decision while it's really not.
She moves to the other guy and continues f***ing him, so you got no reason to hold on to this since you can get along better by yourself in the long run. She obviously doesn't even regret it.

As Caine already mentioned, the sunk cost fallacy applies here and most people tend to get trapped in it for some time or another, be smart.
 
I am sorry for you.

However, I don't think dumping her is the only way forward. It's completely possible to be in love with someone and still be attracted to someone else. Life-long monogamous relationships are an invention dating from the advent of agriculture and private property and aren't the "natural" way human sexuality works (which is closer to what can be seen in bonobos).
I have to admit that her moving in with that guy sounds a bit disturbing, but I'd suggest you wait for a few days for the dust to settle and then have an open-hearted discussion with her about your relationship. If she has needs or expectations that you can't accept (or that make you uncomfortable), then it will be indeed time to move on.
 
ElPoco said:
Life-long monogamous relationships are an invention dating from the advent of agriculture and private property and aren't the "natural" way human sexuality works (which is closer to what can be seen in bonobos).
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Saying "polygamy is the only natural way" is at least as much bullshit as saying "monogamy is the only natural way". This saying is an invention of modern hedonism.

If a girl says that she is monogamous, you'll have to be able to take her word for it, everything else is bait'n'switch.
Unfortunately I live in a metropolitan area with not many monogamous girls my age around at all (at least many are upfront about it), so I always was happy for him to supposedly having found one.

@DrHAX I have the feeling that money might be a factor here. Did I get it right, that both of you always were in financial trouble, she stopped working to get out of it recently and got a guy with more money now? Sounds like she is escaping all her responsibilities and going the easy way regardless of casualties.
 
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Actually I make more money than the guy she's visiting.

There's so many angles and she's staying in constant contact. If she didn't cheat on me I'd view this as a little vacation.

She's a girl from a rural Minnesota town of less then 8000 and hates cities.

So her mother and My hope is that she realizes the grass isn't greener over there and wants to come back.

There's also a factor of hereditary brain tumors which she has a pretty high gabbling chance of having. And upon talking with her mother the signs are there.

Single hiccups. Random depression. Scattered thoughts.

Her words months ago were. " I hope I don't have a tumor" and when she confessed to me what happened she was broken. And seemed to have no idea what happened, or how it came to that point.

This isn't just fiancée= slut ergo dump. She's still on the bus. She still hasn't arrived she still hasn't set foot in Albany yet.

There's so many factors and so many things here that are surreal and bizarre. I can only go by words and promises of a usually reliable source.

And i am a man of the faith of second chances. In fact at the bus station we met a man who spent two years in prison. and was left in river falls Wisconsin for ten days after being robbed blind. He needed to borrow our charger. He was changing his life around. I hope he has a good life.

She told me she still wants me. Kissed me hugged me and cried. She said in one our conversations she never should have left. So there is still hope.

If I sound unstable it is because I am. Everything else in my life was shit. My family is abusive and I fear her staying with me and family pushed her down and made her feel this way.

I could never justify her actions, but if she doesn't like it she promised me five times she'll come back. And if she does her mother and I will be getting her an MRI.
 
You're a good man, @DrHAX. Here's hoping she always can understand and appreciate that.

Hopefully it will work out for the best. Usually things do, but often the hardest part is in simply recognising what is a good thing when you get it.
 
My only concern I have short term is my health. Food tastes like sand and comes out like water. My body feels weak and I have absolutely no appetite for the sand I pour before my face.

I eat, but drinking seems to help. Do not worry it isn't booze I tried some and normally I can drink like a fish but now it seems like poison.

Part of me wants to be alone so hard. To just curl up in the back seat of my bug and just sleep in there like a comfy vw cradle.
 
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