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rygD

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[QUOTE="FaeMinx, post: 1399836, member: 2034] and knew I would have to 'hang out' with her friends.
[/QUOTE]
Why? I know there are some social situations where you have to play nice with friends and family (as with most animal socialization), but I don't know why you would need to hang out with their friends. My friend are my friends, and they aren't forced on anyone. Just as there are friends of friends I dislike and don't spend time around, there are friends of past and present people I am/was in relationships with that I dislike and stayed away from. I usually just tried to bite my tongue about certain things, but not all.
 
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Klumpen

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and knew I would have to 'hang out' with her friends.
Why? I know there are some social situations where you have to play nice with friends and family (as with most animal socialization), but I don't know why you would need to hang out with their friends. My friend are my friends, and they aren't forced on anyone. Just as there are friends of friends I dislike and don't spend time around, there are friends of past and present people I am/was in relationships with that I dislike and stayed away from. I usually just tried to bite my tongue about certain things, but not all.
Yep, unnerving friends of partners are present in every age group.
In my experience, people tend towards friends of about the age of their partners (independend of those) as well btw.
 
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rygD

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Yep, unnerving friends of partners are present in every age group.
In my experience, people tend towards friends of about the age of their partners (independend of those) as well btw.
Hmmm...in my late teens I preferred the company of people in their 50s and 60s. (Now I prefer not to have company.)

Yesterday or the day before I had a pair of dreams I thought might be worth mentioning. I was pretty confident that I could remember the pertinent details of one of them, and that while typing that up I would remember the important parts of the other. I totally forgot everything about both of them. I didn't write down anything about either of them. What will happen next is after they have lost all relevance to the discussion I will remember everything... :(
 

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Klumpen

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“If we all reacted the same way, we'd be predictable, and there's always more than one way to view a situation...It's simple: overspecialize, and you breed in weakness. It's slow death.”
- Major Motoko Kusanagi
 

rygD

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On fitting in: It is good to be you, however sometimes it might be better not to stand out. Also, sometimes being yourself may not be socially acceptable. I can't always speak openly around my family, and even when I try to show support of certain ideas and statements they may be misunderstood as being criticism or combative to the person I am agreeing with. My point with that is that ways of saying things can also lead people to think the opposite of what you are saying. This recently happened when I was agreeing that it might be upsetting to a small farmer to lose their crops, because I didn't know that the person bringing up the farmer wasn't aware that there are many potential threats to crops (they only looked at it as if someone stole them...?).

On agreeing and everyone looking at things the same as others, I think it is good to question yourself as well. Unquestioned or unchallenged acceptance of things can lead to very bad things, so it is a good habit imo to always try to point out potential problems with everything. That also helps you anticipate things that might happen so you can be ready if they come up.
 

Løra (Lolla)

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Nej, you see, the key to "fitting in" (though I dislike the term) is mutual acceptance and respect for standing out and standing up. If we are all individuals and tolerate one another and our differences, only then will we all flow along nicely together in life. We are all linked together, at the end of the day.

We all matter. We are all special. We are all different and yet the same at the same time.

So...be yourselves and own who you are, stand by who you are, stand by who others are, and you'll find people will respect and accept who you are :).
 
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rygD

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That may be true for some people, unfortunately many disagree. Those that want everyone to conform to their expectations will try to force those that don't to comply, and eliminate those that resist. In some (most?) places they are still the majority. Watch children to see it in action (although you can probably see it everywhere, even here).
 

Løra (Lolla)

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True enough. That's the reason I said *mutual* acceptance and respect and tolerance. If everybody learntythat, then we could all flow together nicely. If there's people that are unable to do that, then really, the problem and issues are theirs. Not yours. People like that will never grow, and will just become more and more bitter. As long as you stay true to who you are and accept yoursel the rest will follow.
 

FaeMinx

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Tolerating people isn't always a good idea... I've found that it can lead to terrible misunderstanding that has far reaching consequences. People may get it into their heads that you condone their behaviour and views... They may even interpret your silence as support.

I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger. All because I wanted to fit in and have friends.

To avoid having to go through what I did, and unintentionally misleading people... I would suggest that
If you believe strongly in something. .. Make absolutely certain that people you meet understand you *before* you engage in 'friendship'...

Nowadays if people fail to grasp what I am trying to communicate after a few conversations... I break off contact and leave them to their reality.

It's the kindest response when considering the alternative consequences.


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DrHAX

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Ive noticed after the incidents I experienced in school, (mugging by a gang, assault, knife pulled out on me) that I have a very take it or leave it mentality when it comes to social interaction.

Granted I have no quarrels about withholding my thoughts if they would be like throwing a Molotov into a firework factory.

People I've noticed do prefer honesty at least in the rural areas around me. Where I grew up they preferred you sugar coat it and enjoy the stage set they view as reality, even though the duct tape is coming loose and the left string holding up the cloud snapped years ago.

I think age has little to do with your friends. I have. Friend whose 70 and a friend whose 18. My fiancée is 3 years younger then me. It's how you connect that affects it. Both of these people enjoy cars, both of them are equally passionate about it.

The only time I question age in a realationship is when one goes too far left or too far right on the slider. Even my tainted insane mind can't accept that level of taboo.

If you have issues talking with somebody or connecting in any way for the love of the gods do not get into a deep relationship. Many people seem to rush into things in this society as a whole and many problems have arose from it. I've seen relationships formed simply because the person was there and suddenly it fails like 7 months latter. Hilariously these are the relationships people seem to encourage, whilst the ones with outside resistance and seem to last.
 
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