The Caring Corner :)

[elw3]

Worst advise ever.
That just gives you time to think and thinking is what drives one into depression.

 

[Caine]

Well everybody is different.

I usually get into a zen-like mindset where I just experience the environment, but I have a fairly rapid pace (6.7 km/h or about 4.2 mph) and walk fairly long distances (1 hour at lunch and 2 or 3 hours in the weekends). The body does need fresh air and sun and staying cooped up indoors behind your PC does not help with that.

 

[___]

Worst advise ever.
That just gives you time to think and thinking is what drives one into depression.

yeah, not self reflecting at all and diving head on into social isolation in a damp little flat with no living room furniture is probably way better advice than what an actual psychaetrist says. thanks for sharing your wisdom.

@JDTAY Your psych is right. The first thing you should do is try to get out more and meet some people! It doesn't matter who or where. If you take a stroll through the park, maybe talk to some old folks hanging around. They are always up for a talk, it's not weird like talking to complete strangers usually is and also they appreciate if someone chats with them. When you are all alone and left to your own thoughts, it is easy to slip into depression and succumb to urges like spending money/eating to make yourself feel better.

 

[elw3]

Breaking news:
Scientists schocked to find out that the cure for depressions is just to get the fuck out of your room.

 

[Caine]

It would be breaking news if someone overcame a depression by staying in his or her room.

There is no simple solution. It needs a holistic approach which involves paying attention to the physical, the mental and the emotional state that you are in.
Go ahead, take your pills and wait it out. It won't help. You need to alter your way of thinking and for that you need to experience things, have meaningful contacts, achieve and enjoy stuff.

 

[elw3]

For fucks sake caine, youre either a really good troll or a complete nutcase.

 

[Caine]

For fucks sake caine, youre either a really good troll or a complete nutcase.

If you are going to throw insults, then explain yourself please. I do not understand why you think so.

 

[elw3]

Now i actually do think that you are trolling...
But if not: This is a circus and you sit there in the audience wearing a buisness suit, yelling at the lion tamer "You need to hold that chair on the other hand, trust me i know exactly how lion taming works".
No one wants to hear that, this is a fucking circus.
So lets have fun and stop talking like any of this bullshit matters.

Even more, outside of this thread: I know several ppl with depressions and suicide thoughts, they talk about that all the time to get that out of their head. They are NOT asking for my fucking opinion.
What they fear the most are ppl who just cant shut up and come with life advises, if you try to help them they just delete their whole online personality, change their nickname and come back with " i fear to use my old nickname because someone is stalking me".
Srsly they really really suffer if you try to help them.

 

[levi]

That's true to some extent but at the same time reducing the solution to 'just get out' is trolling anyone who believes the causes for negative thoughts can be varied and different. At the same time I could argue that saying everyone that's negatively biased doesn't want explicit help might also be tarring everyone with the same brush, but at least it has some nuance.

 

[Caine]

So lets have fun and stop talking like any of this bullshit matters.

Since I am suffering from a burnout and depression, it seriously matters to me. I suppose I have a mild case as I do not need any medicine, however it is severe enough that I am seeing a psychologist for therapy. There is other stuff, but I do not feel at ease to talk about that here.

Even more, outside of this thread: I know several ppl with depressions and suicide thoughts, they talk about that all the time to get that out of their head.

This applies to me as well. I am however not a very emotional man by nature therefore I want, perhaps need, to understand it. The emotions that are being released by this are unknown to me and I do not know how to deal with them. Hence I seek interaction with others to check how they experience things which helps me reflect. It is not so much that I am trying to help them as much as I am trying to break out of a vicious circle myself.

Yes, I am also plagued by suicidal thoughts. I have lost my identity and purpose and currently do not see any way out. Luckily I have sufficient mental control to distance me from myself and understand that this is just a temporary emotion. This way I do not act on it, but the thoughts are there, nagging me at the back of my brain. I oscillate between rational and emotional states and the latter one fills me with fear. The only coping mechanism I have is to forcefully suppress it, and that is far from a long term solution.

What they fear the most are ppl who just cant shut up and come with life advises, if you try to help them they just delete their whole online personality, change their nickname and come back with " i fear to use my old nickname because someone is stalking me".
Srsly they really really suffer if you try to help them.

Ok, this is good to know. I am acting solely out of my own experience and have no profesional skills in this domain. I will take your warning to heart. For me personally, it is the opposite. The isolation hurts the most, the lack of interaction with others. I WANT to talk about it, but am (/feel?) ignored by others. I suppose that is why I am so open about it.

For the record, being called a troll and describing this as bullshit is hurtful. It feels like being kicked when you are down. Had you been close to me, then these words would have lead to another depressive episode. I do not know you as a hurtful person, so I take it that this isn't your intention. Is it too much to ask for a little bit of respect?

 

[elw3]

So you have depressions? Just go out for a walk in the park.



This is meant as a joke, this is my sense of humor, same goes gor the "breaking news" line. I fear that some ppl here are stupid enough to not see that as a joke.
Yes i have a problem, all i do is joking and insulting, all the time. Keep that in mind. Or not, maybe its just a joke.
Or maybe i just pretend that all i say was meant as a joke because ppl just start to cry when i talk to them as i just dont know when to shut the fuck up.

The reason i assume you are a troll are lines like "Is it too much to ask for a little bit of respect?" and i just cant imagine someone on the internet who really means it without tears of laughter. You could say "there is no porn on the internet" and its the same line for me. Thats why i call it bullshit. And thats why we never agree.
Your mind sees a documentary about war crimes, my mind sees a comedy porn and its the same fucking show.
And you go " you cant laugh at this" and i demand its funny and fap. This would go on forever....
So much for why we missunderstand each other.

Back on topic. You said you have problems. Imagine the ppl around you keep telling now "go out more" is that what you want to hear? Is that in any form helpfull?
Last year i had a serious phase of panik attacks, so hard that i thought i would die any minute. And the ppl around me just told me to walk it of or drink some relaxing tea. I drove to the hospital myself later...
This is why such talking is a red flag for me, its hurting and mocking.
Yet i was seeking contact to others. Question is, why? I knew they gonna mock me with this bullshit, i knew they cant help, i knew its just getting worse. So why for fucks sake have i been out instead locked up in my room?
Guess the answer is just "thats how humans work".
Have you asked yourself that question? You said you WANT to talk about it with others. But why? What are they supposed to say? What do you want to hear?
Do you want them to give you tips on how to wear it of? Nah.
Do you want them to share their experiences with depressions? They wont, they keep that for themselfes.
Are you asking straight to the point what is wrong in your live? They wont answer that because they fear to hurt you as i did here already.
You might even make others feel uncomfortable talking about it and some might really want to ignore you then.
And i kid you not, a friend is reading this too and she totally insist i should not answer this.
But the feeling of beeing ignored is most likely just imagination, the mind is good at making this up.

What i found out since playing the "i dont give a fuck on anything" character is that ppl come to talk to me more often and tell me all the shit they wont share with others, be it secret loves, depressions or calling me at fucking 4am cause they drunkenly climbed on a bridge to jump down and are now stuck on it not knowing what to do.
And the shocking news is that they all talk about something sooner or later yet most of them pretend that nothing of that ever happened.
I conclude there simply is nothing special about depressions or suicide thoughts. Most ppl just hide it and never ever let others know.
And some of those who go through it mayhaps think "oh why just me" and when you say "no, not just you". They just get pissed of insisting you dont know how they feel.
But you do know, it just does not matter, cause youve learned it is better to keep that for yourself.
Thoughts on that theory?

 

[levi]

Yeah, I thought it might well have been a joke, and you do have a habit of making bad taste jokes as I recall.

 

[elw3]

Oh i always thought you are one of those who do not get it when something is a joke.

 

[rygD]

I have a fix for all human problems. I am more serious than joking.

Elw3, the problem is that your sarcasm/joke and comments were saying that trying to change things, under the advisement of mental health professionals, is bad advice. Bad advice is wanting things to change but insisting that people not do things differently. I'm not trying to target you or anything, just telling you how it comes across.

I enjoy walking through the woods. For me it is less a time that I think about international stuff, and more getting to see the plants and animals, and exploring. Doing things helps me out, which is why I like to have little projects, and when something is finished and works out it helps with self-esteem and makes me feel a little better.

 

[WizardStan]

Where are the magic drugs to fix all my problems??

There aren't any. I literally said that! Those were the words I used: "Please don't think they're magic pills that will make you stop feeling sad."
I mean it man, I'm really worried about you. The advice is good, getting out is good. Getting away from the thing that causes you problems is good. You probably need the meds but they aren't going to make you feel better on their own. For a while they might even make you feel worse, but once you're through that and can start living your life again then you will be able to start living your life. That's what the medication is supposed to help you do: be able to live your life, and a lot of living life means moving around and doing stuff.

 

[Caine]

So you have depressions? Just go out for a walk in the park.

I try to do so every day and it helps a lot

This is meant as a joke, this is my sense of humor, same goes gor the "breaking news" line. I fear that some ppl here are stupid enough to not see that as a joke.

I get it man. Don't worry. I have been joking around myself as well, but I became a bit self conscious about it when a friend of mine reacted the same and that hit me.

The reason i assume you are a troll are lines like "Is it too much to ask for a little bit of respect?" and i just cant imagine someone on the internet who really means it without tears of laughter.

Given most of the internet I understand that line of thought. This place has been different for me though. We have had moments in the past with people like SONY, Blue Protoman and Hackmanplayer stirring up the place (each in a different way). What stood out for me around here is that in general difficult or controversial conversations are possible as most participants take an effort.

You could say "there is no porn on the internet" and its the same line for me.

I could, but we all known the internet is for porn. Why else would anyone get broadband?

Thats why i call it bullshit. And thats why we never agree.

We don't? I had not noticed that yet.

Back on topic. You said you have problems. Imagine the ppl around you keep telling now "go out more" is that what you want to hear? Is that in any form helpfull?

It is helpful that people try to help, knowing that they care. My depression is rooted for a large part in loneliness.

Last year i had a serious phase of panik attacks, so hard that i thought i would die any minute. And the ppl around me just told me to walk it of or drink some relaxing tea. I drove to the hospital myself later...

Sorry to hear that man. Glad that you didn't die. I would miss that sarcastic tone of yours

This is why such talking is a red flag for me, its hurting and mocking.
Yet i was seeking contact to others. Question is, why? I knew they gonna mock me with this bullshit, i knew they cant help, i knew its just getting worse. So why for fucks sake have i been out instead locked up in my room?
Guess the answer is just "thats how humans work".

Seems like you have a lot of shitty humans around you. I am mostly met with understanding, similar stories and respect. Most people I talk to about burnouts counter with "I have had that too", "My relative/friend suffered from that" or "I got really close to that point myself". Of course I do not know what they tell, think and do behind my back.

Have you asked yourself that question? You said you WANT to talk about it with others. But why? What are they supposed to say? What do you want to hear?
Do you want them to give you tips on how to wear it of? Nah.
Do you want them to share their experiences with depressions? They wont, they keep that for themselfes.

I don't necessarily want to hear anything specific. Sometimes you just want to get a story of your chest. Sometimes they can sanity check your reality. My depressed mind thinks in worst-case scenarios, people often share alternative and more realistic views. Some do share experiences with depressions. Some people know me well enough to challenge my conclusions using my own typical thought processes. They plant a mental tool in my head which I subsequently use to avoid getting into a downward spiral. That's really helpful.

Are you asking straight to the point what is wrong in your live? They wont answer that because they fear to hurt you as i did here already.

Sometimes. Some really good friends then just kick ass into action The fact that it sometimes hurts doesn't mean that they aren't right.

You might even make others feel uncomfortable talking about it and some might really want to ignore you then.

Yes, this is true. Some people cannot handle it and will start avoiding you. In my experience the good ones remain. Perfect filter.

And i kid you not, a friend is reading this too and she totally insist i should not answer this.
But the feeling of beeing ignored is most likely just imagination, the mind is good at making this up.

You know, the really stupid part is that I am fully aware that it is imagination. Yet the feeling is still there. It's so stupid, I laugh at myself from time to time

And the shocking news is that they all talk about something sooner or later yet most of them pretend that nothing of that ever happened.

I think this is mostly because these topics are still a bit of a taboo. Like you somehow fail as a human if you go through a rough period. Me, I call bullshit, we all deal with shit from time to time. Yes, it happens and we become stronger because of it.

I conclude there simply is nothing special about depressions or suicide thoughts. Most ppl just hide it and never ever let others know. And some of those who go through it mayhaps think "oh why just me" and when you say "no, not just you". They just get pissed of insisting you dont know how they feel.

Indeed, that is how it often goes. Luckily, I am not most people and neither are my friends.

But you do know, it just does not matter, cause youve learned it is better to keep that for yourself.
Thoughts on that theory?

Perhaps I still need to learn this. We shall see how it works out.

Thank you for your post.

 

[Klumpen]

Sometimes I get the feeling that many guys here are depressed because introverts never get the/a girl.

 

[elw3]

Aww, look what we have done, we ended up in the caring corner.
@rygD and i tell again that this kind of line sounds as if you insist you can just walk it of.

We don't? I had not noticed that yet.

It basically feels for me like i am talking to captain obvious all the time or like you try to explain the punchline to every joke i tell.
Anyways, its interesting to see how other brains work. Thanks for that insight.
Yet this one still bugs me: You say "its rooted for a large part in loneliness." and in the next lines you say how often you share thoughts with others and how supportive you friends are. How come you say its loneliness?

Sometimes I get the feeling that many guys here are depressed because introverts never get the/a girl.

Thats what our hormone driven thoughts want to make us believe. But are ppl with girlfriends therefore happier? At least i could not deal with all the drama a girl involves.

@WizardStan I take Jdtays line as a clear joke, yet you do answer like its death serious. And caine and rydg even like it. So im am asking in all seriousness: Do you guys really believe that Jdtay was asking for real magical pills?
Am i really so wrong about how ppl differ between serious and joking lines?

 

[Caine]

It basically feels for me like i am talking to captain obvious all the time or like you try to explain the punchline to every joke i tell.

Alright! I got promoted to captain You will find that I am lacking a certain amount of common sense.

Yet this one still bugs me: You say "its rooted for a large part in loneliness." and in the next lines you say how often you share thoughts with others and how supportive you friends are. How come you say its loneliness?

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I am alone only in the sense that I do not have a partner, there are lots of people around me who try to help me and have my best interest at heart. Yet, I still feel very lonely.

A major recent change is that about all my friends now have partners and/or children. That is isolating me a bit, in fact I feel most lonely in company these days. So, is it the lack of a partner? Probably, I am still picking up the glass shards from my most recent attempt.

Thats what our hormone driven thoughts want to make us believe. But are ppl with girlfriends therefore happier?

I see a lot of people who define their purpose in life by their relationship or kids. I have always been driven by my work and "the meaning of life is to enjoy it"-mindset. The burnout killed of the former and a broken heart is preventing me from doing the latter.
So in that sense it is a combination of lack of meaning and a feeling of loneliness.

On the positive side of things, the potential for improving my life is growing ( / ? )

At least i could not deal with all the drama a girl involves.

.... yes. I get what you are saying all too well. Even though I am currently the dramatic one.

I take Jdtays line as a clear joke, yet you do answer like its death serious. And caine and rydg even like it. So im am asking in all seriousness: Do you guys really believe that Jdtay was asking for real magical pills?
Am i really so wrong about how ppl differ between serious and joking lines?

No it was obvious that he was joking. It is not the joke that worries me but the feeling that might be hiding behind the jokes. I often use humor to avoid or mask difficult topics. Hence, I am making an assumption (which I should not do) that he did the same.

 

[FBnil]

I do not have a partner

How about a dance partner? Salsa dancing classes usually have to few gents...

Also, isn't it an imbalance due to lack of vitamin D? (and then spiraling out of control)
[doublepost=1518720167,1518720052][/doublepost]

thinking is what drives one into depression

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_(IBM)
Now I know why that company is depressing!