The Caring Corner :)

[Klumpen]

Canadian gangs getting out of hand:

 

[Caine]

Feeling very hollow, lonely and lost today...

It feels like standing on a crossroad in the dark.
To the north there is a path leading to pain.
To the south there is a path leading to despair.
To the east there is a path leading to sorrow.
To the west there is a path leading to self-loathing.
There is a knife on the ground.
>>>

"Ahhh....how tempting it is."

It is just a feeling, you meatbag of chemicals. Sit down, relax and just experience it. You will feel better tomorrow...

Argghhh. These kind of thoughts are driving me nuts.

As always my trusty piano helps me through.
I can connect to the emotions in sound and let them flow out.
The sound is more expressive than usual, more alive...that feels good.
The feeling does not last...but at least the tears have stopped...

I hope that none of you will understand... live is lonely and meaningless...
My decision is that the meaning is to just enjoy...but alas, I suck at that.

The depressed brain is a frightening adversary
But I refuse to lose.

 

[ible]

sorry to hear that. the worst i felt today was feeling cooped up and a bit sick (bored?) of my own thoughts. but know you're not alone. while we're no substitute for real people interaction, we're rooting for you.

there's a passage in a book where a man gets imprisoned by a giant, whose gaze exposes one's insides to view as if the flesh was transparent. the man was haunted by the giant's poking and prodding, being reduced to "a bag of chemicals." later on, a hero pokes her head in and asks the man what color his lungs are. "pink, i guess?" responds the man. but the hero says, "Nope, as long as they're in your body they are colorless, because no light shines on them." i guess the moral of the story is that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. we are more than what we can analyze, and our analysis should take that into account .

 

[rygD]

If it makes you feel any better, I think I have the same theme song as MASH.

 

[Caine]

Thanks guys. It is now the day afterwards and as predicted I feel better. It are just thoughts after all. Yesterday was bad, today will be better.

while we're no substitute for real people interaction, we're rooting for you.

Indeed, that is why I try to ensure that I see good friends and family regularly. It helps a lot but there are days when you just have to face it alone. I can't really put my finger on it, but for some reason this community has always felt like home on the internet. Thank you for your kind words.

@rygD Haven't heard that song in a long while. I don't recall really listening to the lyrics back when I watched that, I should have.

 

[levi]

If I remember at all rightly, and I suspect I only heard this second hand, but the tune with lyrics was only released as a single after the TV series (which featured the tune without lyrics as its theme tune) had finished.

 

[ible]

let's just say this isn't my theme song, as much as i'd like to say so...

 

[rygD]

If I remember at all rightly, and I suspect I only heard this second hand, but the tune with lyrics was only released as a single after the TV series (which featured the tune without lyrics as its theme tune) had finished.

The lyrics are the opening theme of the movie, and sung by one of the characters in the movie.

Then you also have plenty of covers. One that is my style (from another film's soundtrack) that loses some of the fun:

And what I mean by it being my theme song is that the idea just sits in the back of my mind, always present, always in view, like it wants me to know that no matter what I have another option. It has been there since childhood. Kinda tempted at times, but o know my head is messed up, and that none of the stuff that pushes it to the forefront of thought is likely to last, and that if I give in that I will abandon the only person who has bothered to try to help me sort stuff despite my own stubbornness, and they will not have me to make sure they don't make the same choice.

So I crawl and claw my way through the deep mud that it feels like I will disappear into when moving forward. Most of the time I feel like it won't let me move forward, as it is all giving way as I pull on it, just splashing over me.

I try to hide it. Sometimes the bitter mud gets stuck to me and is noticeable even when I have my happy silly mask on.

Edit: Since I understand how difficult it is to struggle against these overwhelming feeling I try to help others, and keep them away from the holes that we sometimes fall into. I figure if I don't make it, maybe others can with my help.
[doublepost=1517657876,1517657560][/doublepost]And there's your caring corner. Try not to slip in the footprints I leave behind.

 

[Caine]

And what I mean by it being my theme song is that the idea just sits in the back of my mind, always present, always in view, like it wants me to know that no matter what I have another option. It has been there since childhood. Kinda tempted at times, but o know my head is messed up, and that none of the stuff that pushes it to the forefront of thought is likely to last, and that if I give in that I will abandon the only person who has bothered to try to help me sort stuff despite my own stubbornness, and they will not have me to make sure they don't make the same choice.

This I can relate to. The earliest recollection that I have of those kind of thoughts is around eight years old. It rarely comes to the foreground, except in the hardest of times. I would need to abandon all my own values to act upon it, and I cannot imagine that I ever will.

The post I wrote yesterday now partially feels like the post of someone else. On one side it was an attempt to write the emotions away by acknowledging their existence, to reify them, since suppressing them prevents processing. On the other hand it was an attempt to capture the incoherent thoughts that occur in these moments as a way to understand myself and enhance my capabilities to relativise. Now I can look at them in a disassociated manner, with a clear head, and judge the weight differently.

Life is weird.

 

[rygD]

And this shit is just hard, sometimes. Stay strong. It you need someone to talk to, I am here.

 

[FaeMinx]

Life IS wierd. Find now a story, of a me that I've been.. to show that while we all ultimately walk alone.. We are all together... In that aloneness.


And so...

I lost all my hopes, dreams and purpose long long ago. Forcing myself to remain in this living death that abhorrently masquerades as 'Life'...
...

I couldn't kill myself because of how it would effect all the people attached to me.

But I was dying nevertheless... As the years rolled by, things that mattered, ideas of me... rotted and fell away...

I distanced myself from people... Because I was dying a slow death, and I wanted to be free to speed up the process...

Eventually even the depression and sadness rotted into a stale dusty residue..
that sadness was a good friend, long long ago... when it thrummed and sang in my heart closer and more precious than any other relationship I've ever had in this strange foreign land. The sadness was so beautiful... ...

So beautiful...

And the last pieces of me... I let go.

I simply...
... dropped....

Them.






...



Sometime last year, our house burned down... Taking everything.
And with that, the struggle to keep on keeping on died.

I couldn't do it anymore.

It was over.



I had died completely.


...

...


And then a child was born... Into this strange upside down world... A child...
Innocent and sweet... And true.

A child.
With no parents...
Save the memory of a tired old life that had vanished in the flames and smoke...

A child


A child.

What is it to die while still alive?


What is it to awaken as a child in the body of a dead middle aged man...

What is this?
What is this!

It is a miracle.
A most curious and marvelous adventure!

Where death doesn't matter for I've already died...

While innocence flowers anew... naivety has been lost! ... as I've already grown to be, and then died as a jaded disillusioned man...

A miracle...
A child born into this world fully aware of the life and being it use to be... Dependant on no caretaker or authority save the memory... and the lessons of the life and death of what once was...

Oh death my true good friend... Did sadness call you?

I know she left me long ago... Was it you she went to find?

Hello sadness my old friend... have you come to talk with me again?

Oh how I've missed you... and wished for you...

And now I'm with you.. as we cry...
... for that poor boy who grew to be a man... Who died alone... and with nothing...

That poor man..

Who died. Who gave up everything.

For me.


That I may live...

I am so full of beauty...
So so much.... Beauty.
... It is everywhere....

Can you hear it. .... Can you hear it......

Fooooor MeeeeeeEeeeeeEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......

For MeeeeeeEeeeeeEEEeee a wumba way...
A weeeeeee......a wumba way!

For me a wumba way!!!! Yaaay!

Because now I'm sad and silly and JOYFUL all at once!

And how funny that is.

How weird life is.

Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk

 

[JDTAY]

Guys, that psych appointment that I missed due to snow is coming up again on Tuesday. Wish me luck.

 

[ible]

good luck! i need to work on my discipline, too...

 

[___]

Or you could make this a learning experience to grow as an individual and try to understand when nonsense is and is not appropriate, such that you don't alienate people that you are trying to interact with in the future.

yes, for example joking about Germans exterminating 6 million jews, when this board and community is being fluctuated by people from all around the world, including German jews (please understand this as a big fat middle finger from me directly to all those idiots still thinking this is funny: it's not for me and the little bit of family I have left after the shoah). But since saying whatever the fuck you feel like is now the shit apparently, and being called out for racism/antisemitism/sexism leads to a circle jerk of idiots whining because they feel underappreciated for their intellectual puke by the so called "politically correct establishment", feel free to ignore my statement and continue spouting nonsensical crap.

EDIT: not at all referring to you WizardStan, just wanted to clarify that ^^

 

[JDTAY]

Well, shoot, now I feel kinda bad.

Fortunately, my antidepressants allow me to bounce back from these sort of feelings pretty quickly. >_>

 

[___]

well maybe you should think about that before you post stupid things. make that your general rule for self improvement: think before you say or post.

I actually wanted to go back and hide my statement in spoiler tags, because I am easily offended and tend to lash out at people out of frustration... but godammit I am sick of always trying to be respectful to others while getting trampled by everybody else.

 

[Klumpen]

 

[WizardStan]

Fortunately, my antidepressants allow me to bounce back from these sort of feelings pretty quickly

That's not how anti-depressants work. Please don't think they're magic pills that will make you stop feeling sad. They only fix the chemicals in your brain so that you are ABLE to stop feeling sad: if sad things happen you will still feel sad. If something makes you feel shame then you should continue to feel shame. If the anti-depressants make you stop feeling bad when you know something should make you feel bad then you need to tell your therapist about that immediately, like call and tell them, don't wait for an appointment. I'm worried about you, man.

 

[rygD]

Could also be the placebo effect.

 

[JDTAY]

Guys, I have a foolproof way to rid yourself of depression without using meds. I call it, "Remember that at least you're not JDTAY."

Sadly though, it doesn't work for me.