The Caring Corner :)

[ClockworkCoder]

You're the exception that proofs the rule (by being an exception).
Sadly it is indeed quite accurate for most people, there are several studies on that.

Don't take Mr Trump as a role-model for your life's expectations. Oh, wait...

 

[Klumpen]

Don't take Mr Trump as a role-model for your life's expectations. Oh, wait...

Sadly, Trump is the perfect example of what you really need to be successful in most aspects of life.
It surely isn't a great personality or fitness, not even confidence if you consider the wig.

 

[Null]

the wig.

You'd think with all the money that he's got, he could have bought a more convincing one by now.

 

[ClockworkCoder]

Sadly, Trump is the perfect example of what you really need to be successful in most aspects of life.
It surely isn't a great personality or fitness, not even confidence if you consider the wig.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc.

In his case it's only power, and perhaps the trinkets and baubles. Not always a good recipe for a platonic, loving relationship.

 

[Klumpen]

In his case it's only power, and perhaps the trinkets and baubles. Not always a good recipe for a platonic, loving relationship.

Since a platonic love is "non-physical" and therefore "friendzoning" (I've actually read the part with Alkibiades trying to seduce Socrates where this term comes from), it might actually be a good recipe since rich friends are usually where the party is at.

 

[ClockworkCoder]

Since a platonic love is "non-physical" and therefore "friendzoning" (I've actually read the part with Alkibiades trying to seduce Socrates where this term comes from), it might actually be a good recipe since rich friends are usually where the party is at.

You make a good point (and admittedly "platonic" was a poor choice). That still doesn't make it the only way, or even the "correct" way for one to follow suit in finding a soul mate.

However, if that is your dream, I wish you the best

Incidentally, I'm certainly not wealthy, but since losing over a stone my wife hasn't liked it as much... Probably because she can't poke fun and call me "fatty" (ブタマン) so easily!

 

[Klumpen]

However, if that is your dream, I wish you the best

Certainly not, I've had it with friendzoning since I got way too much of it in the last years and I'll probably never get rich by what I do.
Back in the day when I was more "edgy" and had even less wisdom than I have today, girls either hated or loved me and I didn't have the whole friendzoning but things have changed at some point.
Not that I lost much since the girls that were attracted by my more juvenile behaviour back then were total psychos (literally).

 

[FaeMinx]

My connection isn't as shaken as that, but I feel reassured that I can find and reach what my self needs. FaeMinx, for me, is mostly a reminder of hope. Not for them, for satisfaction. Although in this life relief will probably have to come first. Let's have a nice day.

Details details?

I'm getting hung up on the word 'satisfaction'... and then relief...

The flavour of your post seems laced with pain?

Would you care to share?

@Klumpen:
My admiration and affinity for females and what 'human females' generally tend to be diverged a long long time ago.

When I realised that I was superimposing my idealistic precious notions on top of the actuality, and blinding myself thus.. I put a stop to it.
I now see people as they are.
It doesn't change what I adore... but what I adore isn't them... It doesn't mean they can't be adorable in my eyes... but for that to be so they would need to adore that which I adore.

It is the adoring of the adorable that makes one adorable.. but it isn't the form or the person that is adorable... It is adorableness itself that is adorable and the being on reflection of the conscious state of adorability expresses that.
People falling in love with each other is absurd... that's like stealing a fountain, and wondering why no more water is coming out of it.

Looking for someone to fall for, or hoping someone will fall for you is completely delusional. .. but humanity and human relationships are completely delusional... so if that what you want... embrace delusion.

 

[Tenka]

Details details?

I'm getting hung up on the word 'satisfaction'... and then relief...

The flavour of your post seems laced with pain?

Would you care to share?

I forgot that sharing was an option. I guess I alluded to needing relief from some life troubles before I can resume living it. I don't want to reveal anything more about that right now, but thank you for your interest.

 

[FaeMinx]

I forgot that sharing was an option. I guess I alluded to needing relief from some life troubles before I can resume living it. I don't want to reveal anything more about that right now, but thank you for your interest.

My edit and response to Klumpen came after your response... but perhaps it may have a key.



If you are not 'living' right now... then what is it you are doing?
No need to answer that - I'm not actually asking. It's just a question that can be asked.

 

[kasp]

Is this fact on behalf of all women? Because I'm a woman and I can honestly say that I have no interest in "big and wealthy guys". Nor do I go specifically for men with a high fitness level or whatever nonsense was suggested.

I, personally, go for personality, first and foremost (sense of humour, intelligence etc), and then I have to be physically attracted to that person, secondary. They have to have a certain something special about them. It's all about chemistry to me.

I have to say that this generalisation of what females supposedly look for in men, annoys me greatly. And usually it's inaccurate anyway.

If someone isn't confident you are never going to get to know their sense of humour and intelligence. The more confident someone is the more presence they have and are far more likely to get noticed. People are like onions with multiple layers but it certainly is a huge leg up if the outer layer is as attractive as possible.

I don't know why everyone straight away has to go into defensive mode when someone says something so obvious like people generally like fit and confident people. It's not like anyone besides a few oddballs has ever seen someone so big they have a scooter tearing down the street and say to themselves I bet they have a great personality. We are all shallow in our own ways.

People should always strive to be the best versions of themselves they can be, and the easiest shortcut to confidence is by physical strength and fitness.

 

[ClockworkCoder]

Looking for someone to fall for, or hoping someone will fall for you is completely delusional. .. but humanity and human relationships are completely delusional... so if that what you want... embrace delusion.

Love to live, not live to love?

"Looking for someone to fall for" is absolutely the wrong approach.

Learn to life first, then learn to love yourself (hard to love when one's a paranoid depressed pessimist). Being physically fit certainly is not a magic bullet, but learn to appreciate the small and wondrous things in life, and attempt to find friends who don't judge (who accept you as you are).

Do this, and maybe love will find you - it's true that it can appear from unexpected places, so never close your eyes.

And if it is a delusion (it is a trick of imagination and hormones), then enjoy its beauty. Appreciate it, but never, ever take it for granted.

 

[FaeMinx]

Well I am happily disillusioned. .. not depressed. I'm not grumbling that the world isn't what I want it to be... I just recognise that it isnt my true home. I don't seek fulfillment from this world or the people invested in it... I am nourished from the world and beings within my heart with whom I have a relationship more intimate and fulfilling than anything I have experienced or observed in this gross world of 'matter'.
It is a beautiful creation full of wonder and delight, don't get me wrong... but it is a poor, dull and distorted reflection when held up to the home within my heart.

I turn aside any and all who come to me with what they say is love... looking for me to love them, for if they knew my home... They would not be looking for love... They would be it.

They come to me with need... and so I try and tell them of a place and state of being in which their needs do not exist... but they do not hear me. They are blinded by what they are looking for, and their need is deafening to the very solution of their heartache.

If I were to pretend to be that solution... It would justify their delusions,
be cruel and unkind...

... and that is why I turn them aside.

 

[ClockworkCoder]

They come to me with need... If I were to pretend to be that solution... It would justify their delusions,
be cruel and unkind...

... and that is why I turn them aside.

Wise, and caring words.

Those people are both self-destructive and also may destroy the heart they, think they, yearn for: an inevitable self-fulfilling prophecy. They're not looking for love, but affirmation (that love is always unrequited)

 

[rygD]

If someone isn't confident you are never going to get to know their sense of humour and intelligence.
...
the easiest shortcut to confidence is by physical strength and fitness.

I disagree with both of those, and have found them often to be untrue. The way that many meatheads (in places I have lived) are assholes is not the same as confidence, and it often seems they are trying to compensate for something they feel they are lacking. This leads me to believe that some of that group, despite their "physical strength and fitness", and their treatment of others, seem to either be lacking confidence or mental fitness. Additionally, some of the most confident (and fun) people I know are not in shape, and don't bother with physical fitness. What makes them enjoyable to be around is their personality. Even with those that are lacking confidence, and even extreme introverts, there are usually ways to break through their shell and get to know the person.

We are all shallow in our own ways.

I totally agree with this. Often we don't even notice such shortcomings in ourselves.

I don't know why everyone straight away has to go into defensive mode when someone says something so obvious like people generally like fit and confident people.

I think it is an issue of you stating your opinion as fact, when that example alone is often untrue.

 

[Klumpen]

I don't know why everyone straight away has to go into defensive mode when someone says something so obvious like people generally like fit and confident people.

It's not defensive mode but simple disagreement.
Thinking about it, in fact often the opposite is the case.
In areas were women tend to be extremely dominant, the insecure and rather self-loathing men are preferred and confident men are often shunned (well if they're big, they get used for one night stands and thrown away, but I wouldn't want that either).

People should always strive to be the best versions of themselves they can be, and the easiest shortcut to confidence is by physical strength and fitness.

Ha, I could get you a bloody lot of examples of the opposite here as well. The less flaws you have, the more others tend to be humbled by it and their own insecurites get a boost which isn't giving them a good feeling even if you encourage them all the time and try to help them to focus on their talents. I've heard this from several ex-gfs of mine directly and seen it everywhere. Of course people in this city here are screwed up big time anyway and my generation has problems with any relationship that goes beyond the most superficial layer in general.

Thinking about the extremely few holding relationships in my surroundings, the guys are always earning a lot of money and are kind of saggy submissive dummies.

There are reasons for that:
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-32929962

 

[Null]

Linked OP is a fag

 

[sebt3]

Linked OP is a fag

Not a fag, an a**hole...

 

[Null]

Not a fag

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/op-is-a-faggot

 

[kasp]

I disagree with both of those, and have found them often to be untrue. The way that many meatheads (in places I have lived) are assholes is not the same as confidence, and it often seems they are trying to compensate for something they feel they are lacking. This leads me to believe that some of that group, despite their "physical strength and fitness", and their treatment of others, seem to either be lacking confidence or mental fitness. Additionally, some of the most confident (and fun) people I know are not in shape, and don't bother with physical fitness. What makes them enjoyable to be around is their personality. Even with those that are lacking confidence, and even extreme introverts, there are usually ways to break through their shell and get to know the person.


I totally agree with this. Often we don't even notice such shortcomings in ourselves.


I think it is an issue of you stating your opinion as fact, when that example alone is often untrue.

See people love to make things black and white. You get confident arseholes and you get amazing confident people. However it doesn't matter what someone does with confidence generally people will do better with confidence than without. Also I never said confidence was exclusive to fit and strong people but rather it was the fastest way of gaining confidence. I know plenty of strong people who have confidence issues but they are better now than before they started lifting. A lot of people are raised with a sense of self worth but for those that aren't I would recommend hitting the gym asap.

It's not defensive mode but simple disagreement.
Thinking about it, in fact often the opposite is the case.
In areas were women tend to be extremely dominant, the insecure and rather self-loathing men are preferred and confident men are often shunned (well if they're big, they get used for one night stands and thrown away, but I wouldn't want that either).

Ha, I could get you a bloody lot of examples of the opposite here as well. The less flaws you have, the more others tend to be humbled by it and their own insecurites get a boost which isn't giving them a good feeling even if you encourage them all the time and try to help them to focus on their talents. I've heard this from several ex-gfs of mine directly and seen it everywhere. Of course people in this city here are screwed up big time anyway and my generation has problems with any relationship that goes beyond the most superficial layer in general.

Thinking about the extremely few holding relationships in my surroundings, the guys are always earning a lot of money and are kind of saggy submissive dummies.

There are reasons for that:
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-32929962

People are so quick to evaluate everyone else before looking at themselves. When you start saying how society is as a whole is the problem perhaps you should look internally. A lot of people in society, you will find enough examples of anything to paint whatever picture you want.