The Caring Corner :)


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I have an unfortunate propensity to laugh at inopportune moments. Like funerals. Even those of close relatives. It comes across as callous, but is never the intention, but more a lack of knowing what to say, do, or how to appropriately respond in those situations.

For a long time I felt guilty for not having those 'sad feelings' at the time, which made me more upset than the loss of (a grand-parent).
 
Ok, I've just read the article... I could relate to a lot of it.. I was in a similar space years ago... but I grew through it (not the same person on the other side... I wouldn't even classify myself as human anymore)...

I thought the article was quite funny... but the punchline was a little corny.

Ba dum tsss. ...
 
Hm. When my Grandmother died a few years ago, I cried for days.
Nothing else has quite moved me since then.

I remember hate and disgust for the way certain employees at the jobcenter treat people. Punctuality apparently is an important thing in Germany, a basic courtesy. Which seems to not be necessary if you're dealing with the the lowly unemployed though.

I remember hate and disgust for someone skipping line at the checkout in a shop. Them avoiding my gaze, or, if spoken to, justifiying their actions with some weird, self-serving bullshit logic.

And I remember adrenalin-fuelled, brief rushes of extreme satisfaction, culminating in a cry of victory and a face that felt like an ugly mask when unexpectedly besting opponents in War Thunder.

Disgust, hatred and the satisfaction of, what amounts to, the destruction of somebody else. Everything else doesn't seem to call any interrupts in my head.

When I'm not tanking with a friend, I try going outside more often to find places where there's no people around. Just my old camera and nature. That's something I can take home with me to remind me that there's other stuff to feel than just rage. Maybe the feels come back, it's worth trying. A mossy patch on a fallen, dead tree is so much more acceptable company than most people.
 

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Yes.. hanging out with humans.... brings on hate, rage, depression... A feeling of pointlessness and futility. ...

It took me years but I finally figured out what the problem was.

Now I'm free, and happy... no friends, no family. ..

I can dance... or just stance... and not care what humans think of me... (After all, trying to be like them made me miserable in the first place.)

Now the world is going to hell and I care not a jot... All that's good fades, and falls to mediocrity. .. but so what?

Within myself I feel great (when I'm not super tired from my own grindstone)... and life is pretty pointless.. unless I put points in it.... I like my points... no one else does. .. but haha... I don't care, unless it's my point... those people are pointless!

Angry at them for what the are?
What a waste of energy...
If they were misbehaving elements of my own team I would have a right to be angry...

But my team is ONE! And if I ever get angry, it is at me...
For forgetting that this isn't really my reality... This is some weird far out distorted place... designed to profit the master race... (in their own delusionality)

So getting my highs like humans do... beating those who think they're cooler than me... displaying my superiority... is actually rather lame... and it makes me feel foolish... All those who play that are exceptionally toolish.

So I smile and I nod and I tolerate all the rhubarb. ..
It's not a dish I like - I find it rather noxious. .. but I can stomach it for a while... After all, life is transient.

So do whatever... that's your business. ..
This place is a nightmare, when the goal is to win or prolong this...

But passing through as a cumulative experience. .. its twisted for sure, but it's also quite brilliant.


 
That's why you should have 1 default expression that doesn't take any effort or thought... something like a contented detached amusement (that's me!)

My default expression has been described as go away otherwise I'll kill you, which is fine with me as it means that people don't bother me quite so often.

For a long time I felt guilty for not having those 'sad feelings' at the time, which made me more upset than the loss of (a grand-parent).

No need to feel guilty I don't do sadness at funerals myself. I don't believe that the dead person would want you to feel sad.
 
A mossy patch on a fallen, dead tree
That is a very beautiful yellow. Never seen that like that, the other moss I have stared at in the past.
I often wondered about lichen. And their slow life cycle. Supposed to die (it is a full ecosystem) if you give them tap water because of the clorine.

Depending on the family... it is a moment when you see distant relatives and that is a beautiful moment.
 
Disappeared again to get my life together. Reappeared again to post on the Off-Topic subforum and piss off those who are only here for the Pyra-related content. What's good?

Was gonna move to PA with the family, but had 2 interesting opportunities come up. Now, I live in Metarie, where the bike commutes are longer and the drivers are worse. However, I don't have to sell my Pyra pre-order voucher in order to make ends meet and the rent is cheaper, so there you go.

It wasn't an easy decision, however; for the longest time, we've only had us, my nuclear family. My friends and people I've known over the years simply cannot empathize with, much less understand, what it's like to lack a sizable extended family. I've had few friends since high school, and whatever extended family I did occasionally see were on my mom's side and they vanished after my grandmother (mom's mom) passed away 3 years ago. We no longer associate with my dad's mom or any of my aunts, and that disassociation is the straw that broke the camel's back.

Softening the blow of branching away from my family are my newly-found financial stability with great potential for growth and friends who I've known for years who act more like family than damn near all of my cousins. I also noticed that I've generally been happier. Colors are brighter. The air smells nicer. Taking a piss feels better. Taking the piss feels better. I'm guessing it's the combination of less drinking, no longer feeling like a knife on a string is dangling overhead, and basic issues being addressed due to sudden lifestyle changes.

Good to be back.
 
I wouldn't want the greys to be brighter, and I don't think car exhaust should smell nice. It is good that things are better for you, though.
 
So, back on 9/14/2015 I got squashed by a drunk in a jeep grand Cherokee while heading home from work on my motorcycle. As of today, I've officially been cane free for 2 weeks.

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...and out for revenge?
Nah, dudes doin 2-5 for it (they frown on leaving the scene of an accident). I think if I ever bumped into him it would be a problem, but I'm not gonna go looking. I was lucky to keep the leg, luckier yet to be able to walk again, and luckiest yet to be able to do so unassisted. If I could get my toes to curl again I'd call it good.

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Of all the things he could hit it's a biker. Glad to hear you're recovering. Are you planning to get back on the horse again?
 
Of all the things he could hit it's a biker. Glad to hear you're recovering. Are you planning to get back on the horse again?
Probably be a minute before I trust the leg to hold up a bigger bike (6 inches of shattered femur and 6 months of atrophy are a helluva thing to rebuild from) at a stop light, but my 68 honda ca77 is a gasket and some clutch plates away from being back on the road! I'm dying to get back on a 1100 or bigger, but that might be another year or two.

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