The Caring Corner :)


FBnil

There is 1 impostor among us.
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hmm... agent orange... chocolate orange... kills 99% .... hmm...
 

moxie

The voice of reason, sense and exasperation
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" [...]


The purpose of gaslighting is to either disconnect the victim from reality or their sense of safety/security. If a person feels like they can't reliably tell what's going on, or can't trust their gut instincts, they are easy to manipulate and sadly, more likely to put up with abusive behavior."


I just think it's important for people to be aware incase they find themselves in any situations like this and don't realise.
That is quite common, unfortunately (see every comment every made when people bring up the abuse that female gamers get online, for instance).

Interestingly enough, we recently had a court case in Sweden where two people that...öh... Socialchefer at the kommunen :) Basically, they were mananging a local Social Services department. One of the employees committed suicide after a lenghty episode of abusive behaviour from his closest boss, and her defence was exactly this. "Oh, no, there was nothing particular, he was just being sensitive, there was absolutely no intention from my side, he misinterpreted...". His colleagues did testify, though, about a rather constant flow of these kind of not-quite-enough-to-be-obvious barbed comments ("Why are you even trying this", "Why am I put here to deal with you", and so on), how his projects seemingly turned up every time something needed to be "performance evaluated", how he was not-quite-straight-out discouraged from applying for promotion or development things ("Oh...you really think you could handle that? Hm...Do use your judgement a bit more.") and all these kind of things.

With exactly those effects. He started questioning his competence, questioning his judgement, started actually making real errors (before the new boss, he was considering one of the best socialsekreterare at the office) and finally, when the boss had started indicating that perhaps there might have to be layoffs, and who knows what might happen to those who weren't really, you know, pulling their weight, he hung himself. Left a wife and three kids.

The court case actually ended in a conviction for the top-end managers for neglect in handling workplace environment responsibility (I'm tired today, and can't write proper english) - Basically, they should have noted that this boss was a workplace hazard. A suspended prison sentence and damages.

Unfortunately, there is no way to convict the actual closest boss who did the gaslightning thing - apparently the crimes that are applicable has a two-year prescription time.
 
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Klumpen

Run away! Run away!
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@Lora: That gaslighting thing was the specialty of my last Ex-gf, my last male best friend and of my martial arts trainer.

In the end I had to leave them all for keeping the rest of my sanity.

These are most often people without real self confidence. They seem to fill this hole by pushing someone down all the time, who might be way more competent than they are in reality, especcially if these are naive enough to think, that every person is just acting out of good will.

The most absurd thing about this is, that while they said all the time my conception of reality would be totally distorted,

the professional psychologist that I had to visit for some tests and forms sometime because of my mutation said the opposite.
 
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Løra (Lolla)

Empress of AquaLuna
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@DaMummy: I can take alot of what you say as humour and with a pinch of salt, but please don't cross a line with me and take the p*ss..especially on this thread.


@Moxie: Oh yikes, that is really really sad (about the man who committed suicide) :( . Unfortunately it really is too common and shouldn't be.


@Klumpen: Exactly. I think the majority of us have come across this at least one point in our lives. It's especially difficult for certain people to see (such as myself) but if you have awareness and keep your own sense of self, then maybe that will give strength to not get into (or stay) in this cycle. Well done to you for getting away from it :) .


@FZERO: ahhh I hadn't heard of it before, either. I've actually come across this alot though. I have brought forth an awareness :D
 
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Løra (Lolla)

Empress of AquaLuna
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Help yourselves to whatever :) . *crunches through a plate of biscuits*


So, this thread has been neglected, tut tut :p


@Caine: thank you :)
 

moxie

The voice of reason, sense and exasperation
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I just thought I'd tell you about yesterday morning.

Woke up. Tried to wake up the kids. The five-year-old did NOT want to get up. "NO. I'm TIRED. I won't get up. STUPID DADDY!!!". Stepped into the shower, only to find out that the boiler had ran out of pellets during the night = No hot water. Managed to get both kids fed, dressed and away to school, but too late for me to catch the proper train, so I got to be half an hour late. Which turned into 45 minutes late - Apparently people had been playing on the tracks, and as a consequence all the commuter trains were delayed. Finally got into Malmö central station, got up to ground level, decided that "OK, today I do deserve a coffee and a cinnamon roll", stepped into a seveneleven - And found out that I'd left my wallet at home.

Some days you really should have just stayed in bed.
 
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