Have you ever been in a fight (random street fight or physical altercation with a person or animal)?

[FaeMinx]

It makes perfect sense, but it really is extremely dysfunctional (and self perpetuating) how humans will *default* to visiting on others the suffering they are trying to suppress and cope with in themselves.


It is quite insane.


In a sense I 'forgive them for they know not what they do', but I still think it's bloody stupid.


I suppose as a mechanic for forcing one to become self-aware its quite brilliant... If one is able to survive and eventually see the wood for the trees.

 

[KickAss]

if some lousy brat would severly hurt or even just bully one of my kids without them being able to defend themselves (be it they are just too young or disabled in any way) i would absolutely not hestitate to make their parents feel that pain and i dont see why you should.


as a father of two i felt anger rising inside the second i read your post.

other than picking on disabled people, which i mean cmon, i'm gonna have to disagree with you here. i think that instead of fighting their battles for them, you should teach your kids how to deal with things like this themselves, even if youre teaching them to deal with it in a way which some might not agree with. kids have to grow to overcome this and too many obstacles in life, dont take it away from them. bullying is something one should learn to overcome in middle school, because everyone here knows there are a lot more complications in life later on, and people who never overcome bullying at a young age become mentally broken at a later stage im my experience.

first: i got your idea, but we are talking about different things here.
second: theres no need to argue, as theres no right or wrong. try to lecture parents about parenting and you will only earn discomfort. so yeah, dealing with such things is quite delicate.


with "making their parents feel that pain" i did not mean beating anyone up. not the parents and, of course, not the kids. i meant to confront parents with their kids behavior and make them take responsible action. whatever that may be. theres millions of reasons why kids should not get along with each other, but there should be boundaries. if someone gets hurt on purpose, the boundary has been crossed (at least in my eyes).


furthermore i was talking about situations in which kids can not defend themselves. i do believe that, as a parent, its my responsibility to react on this, should i notice it. sure they need to deal with it on their own, but thats not what i was talking about. kids need support. both of them: the one being picked on and the bully.


being afraid of a child becoming too weak and soft for this world (a rather fragile concept in my eyes) is only part of the truth. forcing the child to continuously deal with situations it can not cope with in the name of good parenting may very well cause a lot of damage. im sure you are aware of that.


how a child can cope with it depends, of course.

 

[Klumpen]

How to break a full nelson:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/S3xCBS_Kj6Q?feature=oembed

 

[Caine]

A couple. As a kid I was a target of bullying at school and that ended up in a fight a couple of times. Fortunately, at that age you neither know how to fight, nor is it really serious.

In an attempt to understand my bullies I even mimicked their behaviour towards someone else once, stupid kid that I was. I still regret that to this day.

Having grown up with an older brother, I was fighting regularly with him throughout most of my youth. It only got serious only once though, where I punched his teeth through his lip (I got the first blow in) and my entire face was blue (he landed the most blows ). We've never fought (physically) again after that incident.

I've done some sparring in Martial Arts classes (a bit of Karate, Okinawan Kobudo and mainly Aikido). None of these I consider to be a real fight though. It's a controlled environment without intent to really harm. Since I started Martial Arts, I haven't been in a single fight outside of the dojo.

 

[Holliefant]

@KickAss: The problem is that I am not sure what happens if I let my anger flow... and it is sometimes just not worth it. The Kid that was Bullying my son finally got worse. Since he was only a stupid bully and thought everything was funny he ended up not making the first grade in school. There was a lot of bullying him and the last 3 months of school this kid had a really miserable time. So normally I should be a bit gleeful but.. it is a kid, he is not responsible for this behaviour his parents are... And his parents... you know they have a serious sad kid at home at the moment, so if there is any normal sense in them they are punished enough. If not and he ever tries to manhandle my kid again, there are no strains strong enough to safe him..

 

[Nintendo]

Spoiler

A little off-topic, I just watched FC again

 

[rygD]

Having grown up with an older brother, I was fighting regularly with him throughout most of my youth. It only got serious only once though, where I punched his teeth through his lip (I got the first blow in) and my entire face was blue (he landed the most blows ). We've never fought (physically) again after that incident.

I think I pushed my little brother once.  We really weren't too physical with each other.  I did try to look out for him as much as I could, but I doubt he remembers it that way.  He didn't seem to like having me around.

it is a kid, he is not responsible for this behaviour his parents are...

I feel I was fully responsible for what I did as a child.  Sometimes I overreacted, sometimes I didn't care what I was supposed to do or not do.

 

[levi]

A little off-topic, I just watched FC again

Tsk, you forgot the first rule of FC

Spoiler

As did I

 

[Holliefant]

Having grown up with an older brother, I was fighting regularly with him throughout most of my youth. It only got serious only once though, where I punched his teeth through his lip (I got the first blow in) and my entire face was blue (he landed the most blows ). We've never fought (physically) again after that incident.

I think I pushed my little brother once.  We really weren't too physical with each other.  I did try to look out for him as much as I could, but I doubt he remembers it that way.  He didn't seem to like having me around.

it is a kid, he is not responsible for this behaviour his parents are...

I feel I was fully responsible for what I did as a child.  Sometimes I overreacted, sometimes I didn't care what I was supposed to do or not do.

Let me rephrase that, maybe then my words make more sense to you

As a child between 6-8 years, most of your social behaviour is somehow related to the way your parents showed you how to behave. Even if you had a chance to interact with other children, this is a choice your parents took for you. So if a child comes to school and had no experience whatsoever in interacting with other people that are not fully dedicated to his/ her demands, that is really hard for this individuum. It is used to get his way and to sometimes bully his way to get what he/she wants. I had social experience and still was a pain in the ass... so jeah you do have a point. But I never treated other people like shit, my parents did prevent that.

 

[KickAss]

@KickAss: The problem is that I am not sure what happens if I let my anger flow... and it is sometimes just not worth it. The Kid that was Bullying my son finally got worse. Since he was only a stupid bully and thought everything was funny he ended up not making the first grade in school. There was a lot of bullying him and the last 3 months of school this kid had a really miserable time. So normally I should be a bit gleeful but.. it is a kid, he is not responsible for this behaviour his parents are... And his parents... you know they have a serious sad kid at home at the moment, so if there is any normal sense in them they are punished enough. If not and he ever tries to manhandle my kid again, there are no strains strong enough to safe him..

sorry, i totally missed your post.

kids who treat others badly do so for a reason. in most cases they simply try to compensate their own helplessness or simply try to avoid to become the victim. in younger ages they are not aware of it. later they are, but still act the same, simply cuz they havent developed any more adult like compensation mechanisms yet.


as i wrote before the bully needs help as well. if we refuse to help him (in order to make him change his behavior), he will face serious problems later on because as an adult you hardly can escape your trained behavioral patterns and the image you earned in your primary social community.


if ppl fail with their parenting they totally need others to let them know about it. no one wants to talk about it, but its so very important.