My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
That reminds me of a story about Indian Railways and their timetables. A railway employee was handling a customer complaint, which was the trains were often late, in fact, very late, sometimes hours, or even days. What use was the timetable if you could not rely upon it? The employee replied sagaciously, that the timetable was, in fact, extremely useful and very reliable, as it listed the times before which it was guaranteed that the train would not depart.
Three pieces of string were going down the road on a warm day and decided they were thirsty, One of the three pointed out a pub, so they trooped in and sat down at a table. The first piece got up and went to the bar and asked the barman for three lemonades, The barman looked at the string suspiciously and asked "Are you string?". The first piece of string said, "Yes, I am, what of it?". The barman said, "We don't serve string here. Go away."
So the first piece of string went back to the table and said, "Look chaps, it looks like they don't serve string here, let's find another place."
"Oh no", said the second piece of string, "I'm really thirsty. I'm sure the barman will see reason, let me try." So up the second piece of string got, and went to the bar, and said, "Look, we're really thirsty, and we won't cause any trouble: can't you sell us some lemonade?". The barman replied: "Are you string?", to which the second piece said, "Well, yes, I am, does that matter?", and the barman said "Yes, we don't serve string, go away."
So the second piece of string came back to the table and said, "Sorry, it looks like we won't get served here, we'll have to go elsewhere."
The third piece of string said, "No, I've an idea, let me try", so up he went to the bar, spoke briefly with the barman, and came back with three glasses of lemonade.
"How on earth did you manage that?" cried out the first two pieces of string in amazement.
"Oh, it was quite easy, really.", said the third piece of string...
"I knew he would ask me if I was string, so I ruffled my hair and folded my arms and said: "No, I'm afraid not"; so he served me".