Null
Snug
I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner
- Thread starter Løra (Lolla)
- Start date
Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)?
A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The railroad engineer replied.
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!
In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)?
Post automatically merged:
A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The railroad engineer replied.
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
Post automatically merged:
Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!
Post automatically merged:
In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Post automatically merged:
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
Last edited:
Null
Snug
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Q: What starts with 'T', ends with 'T', and is full of 'T'?
A: Teapot!
Null
Snug
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Confuzzled
Very Active Member
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2018
- Messages
- 299
That reminds me of a story about Indian Railways and their timetables. A railway employee was handling a customer complaint, which was the trains were often late, in fact, very late, sometimes hours, or even days. What use was the timetable if you could not rely upon it? The employee replied sagaciously, that the timetable was, in fact, extremely useful and very reliable, as it listed the times before which it was guaranteed that the train would not depart.
Null
Snug
People call me self-centered...
But that’s enough about them.
But that’s enough about them.
Null
Snug
Last night my wife and I watched two DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2005
- Messages
- 6,603
- Age
- 40
- Location
- UK
- Website
- pokeparadox.itch.io
- WEBSITE
- https://github.com/pokeparadox
- YOUTUBE
- pokeparadox
Why did the dad joke cross the road?
How do you keep an idiot occupied?
To get to the other sigh
Post automatically merged:
How do you keep an idiot occupied?
Null
Snug
I built a model of Mount Everest, and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, No... it’s to look at.
ible
professional vim user
what is the most bloodthirsty tool in a toolbox?
vam-plyers
Null
Snug
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
ible
professional vim user
what is the smartest monster?
FrankEinstein
Null
Snug
At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.
ible
professional vim user
Null
Snug
My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Confuzzled
Very Active Member
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2018
- Messages
- 299
Three pieces of string were going down the road on a warm day and decided they were thirsty, One of the three pointed out a pub, so they trooped in and sat down at a table. The first piece got up and went to the bar and asked the barman for three lemonades, The barman looked at the string suspiciously and asked "Are you string?". The first piece of string said, "Yes, I am, what of it?". The barman said, "We don't serve string here. Go away."
So the first piece of string went back to the table and said, "Look chaps, it looks like they don't serve string here, let's find another place."
"Oh no", said the second piece of string, "I'm really thirsty. I'm sure the barman will see reason, let me try." So up the second piece of string got, and went to the bar, and said, "Look, we're really thirsty, and we won't cause any trouble: can't you sell us some lemonade?". The barman replied: "Are you string?", to which the second piece said, "Well, yes, I am, does that matter?", and the barman said "Yes, we don't serve string, go away."
So the second piece of string came back to the table and said, "Sorry, it looks like we won't get served here, we'll have to go elsewhere."
The third piece of string said, "No, I've an idea, let me try", so up he went to the bar, spoke briefly with the barman, and came back with three glasses of lemonade.
"How on earth did you manage that?" cried out the first two pieces of string in amazement.
"Oh, it was quite easy, really.", said the third piece of string...
So the first piece of string went back to the table and said, "Look chaps, it looks like they don't serve string here, let's find another place."
"Oh no", said the second piece of string, "I'm really thirsty. I'm sure the barman will see reason, let me try." So up the second piece of string got, and went to the bar, and said, "Look, we're really thirsty, and we won't cause any trouble: can't you sell us some lemonade?". The barman replied: "Are you string?", to which the second piece said, "Well, yes, I am, does that matter?", and the barman said "Yes, we don't serve string, go away."
So the second piece of string came back to the table and said, "Sorry, it looks like we won't get served here, we'll have to go elsewhere."
The third piece of string said, "No, I've an idea, let me try", so up he went to the bar, spoke briefly with the barman, and came back with three glasses of lemonade.
"How on earth did you manage that?" cried out the first two pieces of string in amazement.
"Oh, it was quite easy, really.", said the third piece of string...
"I knew he would ask me if I was string, so I ruffled my hair and folded my arms and said: "No, I'm afraid not"; so he served me".
Last edited:
Null
Snug
Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
