I went to the zoo the other day, but it only had a dog in it. It was a shih-tzu.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I never knew they worked!
I sent my boyfriend a parcel with a huge pile of snow in it. I wonder if he got my drift.
I went to go to the paper shop, but it had blown away.
Two fonts walked into a bar. The barman shouted "oi, we don't want your type in here!"
Once I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and Bob Fischer in a restaurant. There was a chequered tablecloth, and it took them 2 hours to pass the salt!
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why did the chess champion find it hard to get a girlfriend? He had a very chequered past.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic.
How does jesus make tea? He brews it.
A duck was arrested the other day for dealing 'quack'.
A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm, and said: "pint, please; and one for the road"