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A keyring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner
- Thread starter Løra (Lolla)
- Start date
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My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
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I'm watching a film about cheddar cheese.
It's G-Rated.
It's G-Rated.
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My son asked me if I would buy him a new bike.
I said: "Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."
Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the lottery numbers.
I said: "Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."
Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the lottery numbers.
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Experience enables us to recognize a mistake when we make it again.
Rykr_munstr
Member
You can teach you children some fashion sense, but they fashion some of thier own. -G. Downie
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Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporium...
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporium...
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I've been thinking of writing a mystery novel.
Or have I?
My mate just stole my Thesaurus.
Frankly, I'm lost for words.
I hope my new book does well.
It's called "How to be concise and get straight to the point using the minimum of diminutive words necessary to convey your meaning as clearly as possible without overly long descriptions and explanations."
Or have I?
My mate just stole my Thesaurus.
Frankly, I'm lost for words.
I hope my new book does well.
It's called "How to be concise and get straight to the point using the minimum of diminutive words necessary to convey your meaning as clearly as possible without overly long descriptions and explanations."
Neelix
Insecticidal Maniac
ahh yes, never use a big word where a diminutive one would suffice. 
- Neelix
- Neelix
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I was having a lovely sleep earlier until some inconsiderate cunt decided to bounce off my windscreen.
Rykr_munstr
Member
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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I went to apply for a job as a street sweeper.
"You previously worked as an accountant," the bloke said, "This job role is completely different."
"Don't worry," I replied, "I'm good at picking things up."
Most people in the UK are hoping for a hung parliament.
If we use all the lampposts in Parliament Square, Whitehall, The Mall, Birdcage Walk and Constitution Hill that should do it.
My Mum has told me that, at the age of 45, it was about time I had a place of my own.
I told her that, since she is 75, I was hoping not to have to wait much longer.
"You previously worked as an accountant," the bloke said, "This job role is completely different."
"Don't worry," I replied, "I'm good at picking things up."
Most people in the UK are hoping for a hung parliament.
If we use all the lampposts in Parliament Square, Whitehall, The Mall, Birdcage Walk and Constitution Hill that should do it.
My Mum has told me that, at the age of 45, it was about time I had a place of my own.
I told her that, since she is 75, I was hoping not to have to wait much longer.
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Your haiku has not been found
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Your haiku has not been found
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked...
"How old was your husband when he died?"
"He was 98" she replied. "Two years older than me"
"So you're 96" the undertaker commented.
"Yes" she responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
"How old was your husband when he died?"
"He was 98" she replied. "Two years older than me"
"So you're 96" the undertaker commented.
"Yes" she responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
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Who needs rhetorical questions?
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I work at 'The Ministry of Silly Walks'.
But when I'm there, I have to call it the 'Spinal Injuries Unit'.
But when I'm there, I have to call it the 'Spinal Injuries Unit'.
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Rykr_munstr
Member
May life be like a roll of toliet paper, long and useful.
Life is like a rocky road, always stoned and never straight.
Life is like a rocky road, always stoned and never straight.
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"A hydrogen atom is missing from this molecule of water," I said to my chemistry teacher.
He exclaimed, "OH!"
He exclaimed, "OH!"
