(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner


My son asked me if I would buy him a new bike.


I said: "Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."


Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the lottery numbers.
 
I've been thinking of writing a mystery novel.


Or have I?


My mate just stole my Thesaurus.


Frankly, I'm lost for words.


I hope my new book does well.


It's called "How to be concise and get straight to the point using the minimum of diminutive words necessary to convey your meaning as clearly as possible without overly long descriptions and explanations."
 
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.


Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
 
I went to apply for a job as a street sweeper.


"You previously worked as an accountant," the bloke said, "This job role is completely different."


"Don't worry," I replied, "I'm good at picking things up."


Most people in the UK are hoping for a hung parliament.


If we use all the lampposts in Parliament Square, Whitehall, The Mall, Birdcage Walk and Constitution Hill that should do it.


My Mum has told me that, at the age of 45, it was about time I had a place of my own.


I told her that, since she is 75, I was hoping not to have to wait much longer.
 
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked...


"How old was your husband when he died?"


"He was 98" she replied. "Two years older than me"


"So you're 96" the undertaker commented.


"Yes" she responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
 
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