(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

I've just been trying to renew our home insurance and the cheapest quote I can get is over £3000 with a £1000 excess for loss or damage by fire.


I knew we shouldn't have moved to Pontypandy.

 

[iprice]

I've just been trying to renew our home insurance and the cheapest quote I can get is over £3000 with a £1000 excess for loss or damage by fire.


I knew we shouldn't have moved to Pontypandy.

You think that's bad - try getting life insurance in Midsummer...

 

[Null]

My son was in floods of tears when he discovered his adoption papers hidden in the chest of drawers.


I'm sure he'll get over it though, once he gets to know his new parents.

 

[Null]

I was in a public restroom when a bloke banged on the door.


"I'm having a poo," I shouted, "Just wait."


He said, "How long?"


I said, "About eight inches at a guess, I don't have a ruler."

 

[Null]

My old grandad's been quite ill recently so I went to a homeopath.


"Your grandfather is not sick," he said, "he merely believes he is. Let him know and he will soon recover."


A few days later I stopped by again for more help.


"I think you'll have to come tell him yourself," I told him. "Now the old bastard thinks he's dead."

 

[Null]

I was with my girlfriend, looking at rings in the window of the local jewellers.


"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she said.


On reflection, "I don't know, does it involve sheep?" was probably not the best answer.

 

[Binky]

Did you hear about the incompetent architect with the obsession with cafés and resaurants?

He broke into an air-force base and made a terrible mess!

 

[Rykr_munstr]

The only cure to insomnia is more sleep!

 

[Null]

I never credited the old lady next door with much creativity but this morning I noticed that she has crafted the most exquisitely realistic snow sculpture of a woman lying on her driveway.


I must go around to congratulate her after work.

 

[Null]

Coffins.


I wouldn't be seen dead in one of those.

 

[Null]

How easy is it to impersonate Victor Meldrew?


a. don't


b. leave it

 

[iprice]

"I always start at the bottom and work my way up" said my proctocologist.

 

[Null]

When my doctor diagnosed me as being chronically inquisitive, I had a lot of questions.

 

[Null]

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.


Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

 

[Null]

I've been invited to a Fancy Dress Party where the theme is 'Abstract Ethical Concepts'.


I'm going to go as a matter of principle.

 

[Binky]

I used to be part of a small group of brass players and percussionists, but we were forced to split up last year.

I suppose you could say we were disbanded

 

[Null]

http://www.sickipedia.org/religion/baptism/once-i-saw-this-guy-on-a-bridge-about-to-155202

 

[Null]

I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.


I think I've strained my eyes.

 

[Null]

"The doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium," Tom said half-heartedly.

 

[Null]

Have just watched a documentary about landfill sites - what a load of rubbish.