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"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner
- Thread starter Løra (Lolla)
- Start date
crazyhorse
Newbie
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2009
- Messages
- 366
In honour of the delivery drivers lets stand on our doorsteps and clap ,anytime between 8am and 7pm.
Null
Snug
I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
crazyhorse
Newbie
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2009
- Messages
- 366
Marriage starts out with a diamond and two hearts,
after isolation you may need
a club and a spade.
after isolation you may need
a club and a spade.
Null
Snug
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting. Then it let me down.
Null
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A rule of grammar: Double negatives are a no-no.
Null
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Remorse code.
Remorse code.
Null
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37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.
ClockworkCoder
Chaotic Neutral
What did the duck say when buying some lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
Put it on my bill.
Null
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ClockworkCoder
Chaotic Neutral
Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Null
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Wherever I go, I’m greeted with much warmth.
Derek, 42, Fireman.
Derek, 42, Fireman.
Null
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I've started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log.
Null
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I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.
Null
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Bad puns… it's how eye roll.
TeDaDeS
Forum Addict!
That reminds me this story:
My dad went into the mountains with a group, but when he was there his guide fell down a cliff, not been seen since.
So I asked how he felt about that.
"Don't worry son, the guide was already very old. So it wasn't a big problem for me."
"Also, the guide wasn't very good. I mean it was already missing some pages, so..."
He lives in the desert, and talks too much, who is it?
Ali Blah Blah
Did you hear it? They arrested the Energizer bunny.
...
He was charged with... battery
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach ?
Its not hard
I hate stairs. They always lead up to something.
My dad used to hit my mom's head with a ruler. Turns out he was measuring her patience.
My dad said never use a watch around your belly. That would be waist of time
Do you think glass coffins will be a hit? Well, remains to be seen.
There are two fish in a tank, and one fish says to the other fish:
“How do you drive this thing?”
My ex still misses me...
But her aim is getting better.
What does James Bond do before going to sleep?
He goes under cover!
Mom!Mom! Dad is throwing stuff out the windooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color? He had reptile dysfunctional
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Kid: Mom, it smells like a dead person
Kid:Mom?
Kid:Mom?
The shovel was a ground breaking invention
I have a speed bump phobia, but I'm slowly getting over it
My doctor said I might go deaf
I haven’t heard from him since then
Why is dark spelled with a “k” and not a “c”?
Coz you can’t see in the dark.
what does a cop yell to his belly button?
...YOU ARE UNDER A VEST!!!...
People ask me where I store all my dad jokes.
In a dad-a-base
Father: there is only one thing that scares me in Halloween
Son: which is?
Father: exactly!
Why aren't Koalas considered bears? ...........
Because they don't have the koalifications!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own?
It was two tired.
Ali Blah Blah
Did you hear it? They arrested the Energizer bunny.
...
He was charged with... battery
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach ?
Its not hard
I hate stairs. They always lead up to something.
My dad used to hit my mom's head with a ruler. Turns out he was measuring her patience.
My dad said never use a watch around your belly. That would be waist of time
Do you think glass coffins will be a hit? Well, remains to be seen.
There are two fish in a tank, and one fish says to the other fish:
“How do you drive this thing?”
My ex still misses me...
But her aim is getting better.
What does James Bond do before going to sleep?
He goes under cover!
Mom!Mom! Dad is throwing stuff out the windooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color? He had reptile dysfunctional
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Kid: Mom, it smells like a dead person
Kid:Mom?
Kid:Mom?
The shovel was a ground breaking invention
I have a speed bump phobia, but I'm slowly getting over it
My doctor said I might go deaf
I haven’t heard from him since then
Why is dark spelled with a “k” and not a “c”?
Coz you can’t see in the dark.
what does a cop yell to his belly button?
...YOU ARE UNDER A VEST!!!...
People ask me where I store all my dad jokes.
In a dad-a-base
Father: there is only one thing that scares me in Halloween
Son: which is?
Father: exactly!
Why aren't Koalas considered bears? ...........
Because they don't have the koalifications!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own?
It was two tired.
Null
Snug
Why did the nurse take a red crayon with her to the hospital?
To draw blood.
To draw blood.
