(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Klumpen]

Do you know what "dog food lid" is spelled backwards?

 

[comradekingu]

My people-skills are unworthy of people.
I spend a lot of time on the internet, which is to say i dont spend much time anywhere else.
There are many things you can do on the internet, but none that replace what you can't.
Concious of this i'll do ok, but if i on occasion should happen to lay into you, know that it is
only an attack of the superfluous, your position, but never your person.
You may feel vandalized down to your very core, the essence of your being, but it is, and this is very important, nothing you can't change.

This monologue appeared in my head, it was without the extras towards the end, but it cracked me up.
I surprise even myself, so i am the bad joke here, but the delivery was benign.

Edit: I am the voluminous butt of my own joke, but only on account of there being equally great idiots.
When you argue only on the merits of the Internet, there are no winners.

 

[sheepluva]

A limbo dancer walks into a bar...

 

[comradekingu]

Why did Gollum lose control of the ring?
Because he got the runs.

 

[rygD]

I wish my jokes could be as bad as yours.

 

[FBnil]

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home now!

 

[Binky]

If I see a wax seal with the shape of a swan pressed into it, could it have been made by a cygnet ring?

 

[comradekingu]

Of few words to exhort his jetpack endavours, and how they relate to the downfall, of man, at the height of his mindful attestation, for a short while, brevitated.

 

[comradekingu]

>ordering a le pepe burger
>rare
>waitor responds
>well done

 

[Fzero]

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie

 

[Linux-SWAT]

Works also in french, but I never heard it ^^ .

 

[Fzero]

I just watched a program about beavers...
...It was the best dam program I've ever seen!


Did you hear about the guy who invented the 'knock ~ knock' joke?
...He won the no-bell prize!


Two satellite got married...
...The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

 

[Fzero]

Have you heard about the band 1023MB?
...They haven't got a gig yet!


Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet?
...Because the pee is silent!


Can February March?
...Nope, but April May!


I used to hate facial hair...
...But then it grew on me!

 

[comradekingu]

Clitoris tried in earnest to behave, but could never get to terms with being a bit of a bloody cunt.

 

[levi]

Can February March?
...Nope, but April May!

That's like the sequel to this old one:
Why is 1,2,3 afraid of 4,5,6?
...Because 7,8,9 (7 ate 9)

 

[Null]

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he had ever read.

 

[ClockworkCoder]

One cow looks wistfully at his compadre and quietly said "moo", to which the other replied "that's odd, I was just about to say that."


Why did the cow get awarded with an OBE?

He was out-standing in his field.

 

[Null]

If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

 

[rygD]

That's like the sequel to this old one:
Why is 1,2,3 afraid of 4,5,6?
...Because 7,8,9 (7 ate 9)

I always heard it as "why is 6 afraid of 7?"

 

[Null]

Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator? No? Me neither, I took the stairs.