(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

My optometrist thinks my eyes will probably improve. Unfortunately my pessometrist thinks they'll get worse.

 

[Null]

I worked with a civil engineer today.


I must admit, he was very polite.

 

[Null]

Whoever said that nothing's impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door.

 

[Null]

Mercury has a harsh climate, as the day time temperature is 430 degrees Celcius. At night however, it freezes to -170 degrees Celcius.


First world problems.

 

[Binky]

Does Jill know anything about the land west of Canada?

I dunno - ah'll aask 'er...

 

[Null]

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?


None. That’s a hardware issue.

 

[Null]

 

[Null]

I got sacked from my job for "Not taking opportunities as they appear".


In fairness its a nicer way of wording "Because you had to be rescued from the revolving door in the lobby".

 

[Null]

I honestly can't count the number of times I've been told I'm innumerate.

 

[TheTeaGuy]

Did you hear about that French Cheese Factory that exploded? All that was left was Debrie.

 

[sebt3]

French jokes don't always translate well

 

[Null]

My neighbour Benjamin is a butcher, who sells meat that becomes less stale the older it gets.


The curious case of Benjamin's mutton.

 

[Null]

 

[Null]

 

[Null]

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

 

[Null]

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.


Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

 

[sheepluva]

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

Reminds me of:


I want to die peacefully during sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and flailing, like his car passengers.

 

[Null]

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

 

[Binky]

How do you tell the difference bettween a chemist and a bus driver?

Ask them to pronounce "unionised"!

 

[Null]

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.