Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 21, 2015 #821 I missed my weekly 'Liars Anonymous' meeting last night. I was having a threesome with Beyoncé and Katy Perry at the time.
I missed my weekly 'Liars Anonymous' meeting last night. I was having a threesome with Beyoncé and Katy Perry at the time.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 21, 2015 #822 I fucking hate Jehovah's Witnesses. I saw two men in black suits knocking on my door so I microwaved my hard drive.
I fucking hate Jehovah's Witnesses. I saw two men in black suits knocking on my door so I microwaved my hard drive.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 22, 2015 #823 My cat's just been commissioned to write his first autobiography. It's part of a nine book deal.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 24, 2015 #824 Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 25, 2015 #825 A naked man wrapped in plastic wrap walks into his psychiatrists office. The psychiatrist says to the man "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
A naked man wrapped in plastic wrap walks into his psychiatrists office. The psychiatrist says to the man "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 25, 2015 #826 A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 25, 2015 #827 What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). A backwards poet writes inverse. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). A backwards poet writes inverse. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 25, 2015 #828 My mum said, "You treat this place like a hotel!" She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff'.
My mum said, "You treat this place like a hotel!" She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff'.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 27, 2015 #829 My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with gymnastics. I flipped out. English is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. I got fired earlier due to my 'very poor attention to detail'. At least that's what I think he or she said.
My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with gymnastics. I flipped out. English is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. I got fired earlier due to my 'very poor attention to detail'. At least that's what I think he or she said.
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 28, 2015 #830 The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 28, 2015 #831 I bought my friend an invisibility cloak. But I cant see him using it.
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 28, 2015 #832 My 6 yr old niece - "What ticks on the wall?" Me: "a clock?" Niece: "no ticky paper tupid!" ====================================== Niece: "what do you call a dog with no legs?" Me: "I dunno" Niece: "you can call him anything he isn't going to come!!!!"
My 6 yr old niece - "What ticks on the wall?" Me: "a clock?" Niece: "no ticky paper tupid!" ====================================== Niece: "what do you call a dog with no legs?" Me: "I dunno" Niece: "you can call him anything he isn't going to come!!!!"
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 28, 2015 #833 What came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken because eggs can't run. Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2015
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 28, 2015 #834 The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house. I didn't know what to make of it.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 29, 2015 #835 I've just quit my job as a London cabbie. I really can't stand people talking behind my back.
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 30, 2015 #836 Joke from my Niece (6)... Niece : Where does the president keep his armies? ... In his sleevies. What did one eye say to the other? Don't look, there is something between us that smells. Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2015
Joke from my Niece (6)... Niece : Where does the president keep his armies? ... In his sleevies. What did one eye say to the other? Don't look, there is something between us that smells.
Rykr_munstr Member Joined Feb 7, 2015 Messages 41 Location Canada May 30, 2015 #837 How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? TEN-Tickles.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 30, 2015 #838 I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore.
I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore.
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 30, 2015 #839 I'm so old, I remember when X Factor was just Roman sunscreen. Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2015
Null Snug Joined Jun 16, 2007 Messages 16,224 Website elderberry.sdf-eu.org May 31, 2015 #840 Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you correctly pointed out that it could not be mine as I was still alive and your fiancé had been missing for a week.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you correctly pointed out that it could not be mine as I was still alive and your fiancé had been missing for a week.