(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

I've just been diagnosed with hypochondria.


I knew something was wrong with me.

 

[Null]

There are four stages in life:


1. You believe in Santa Claus.


2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.


3. You are Santa Claus.


4. You look like Santa Claus.

 

[Null]

Accordion to a recent survey...


replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.

 

[Null]

My mate just burst into my room while I was busy working and asked me what an electrical synapse in the human body was.


The nerve.

 

[Null]

How many Chinese Whisperers does it take to change a lightbulb?


Steven.

 

[Null]

I saw a huge UFO hovering above my house this morning - it was a bright yellow sphere, that emitted a strange warmth for a few seconds, and then disappeared into the clouds.

The wife reckoned it was the sun; but I've never heard anything so ridiculous.

 

[Null]

People are dying to be reincarnated.

 

[Null]

I've just changed my wireless broadband provider.


From Bill at number 8 Campbell Road to Jack at number 12.

 

[Null]

I came first in the "Spelling for idiots" championship.


I won with ease.

 

[Null]

According to a recent survey, 1 in 4 hills are steep.

 

[Null]

I've invented a new flavour of crisps, if they're successful I'll make a packet.

 

[Null]

Get your 'Hero Name' by doing something brave and seeing what the newspapers call you.


I'm Local Man.

 

[comradekingu]

I'm local comic.

 

[Null]

I wondered who'd stolen that particular trophy from my display cabinet.

 

[Null]

I've just burnt another hawaiian pizza.


I must start using aloha heat.

 

[Null]

 

[Null]

"Doc," I said, "every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What's the matter with me?"


"That's easy," he said. "You're exhausted."

 

[Null]

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery.


I'm in a world of pain.

 

[Null]

Following Christopher Lee's death, The Sun have written a full article about Dracula.


He didn't appear in The Mirror though.

 

[Binky]

What did the alien who was unsure of his height say?

Take me to your ruler!

What did the self-assembly alien say?

I come in pieces!