Henry Potts And The Thoughtful Mans Pebble


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Writing a new book, let me know what you think. I can post more if you like it. Please don't copy this and post it anywhere else okay?

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Chapter One

Some alive kid

There was once a street called Tricky Lane. It was just one of those streets of which I'm sure you know many. There were dog walkers and cars, prams and bikes, gardens and sheds, and trim and perfectly square little houses in perfect rows. They were the kind of houses which would really prefer not being admired too much, for that sort of thing would spoilt the neighbourhood. People would pass the street day after day, because after all it was a perfectly ordinary street, and as most people know - a perfectly ordinary street is really of very little interest. There was most certainly nothing weird or spooky about a funny and dull little street such as this.

Mr and Mrs Wesley would agree wholeheartedly, for they too were not the sorts for anything funny or bizarre.

At this precise moment, Mr Wesley was looking out of the window and stroking his beard. He was a rather stoud sort of fellow, and had an important position as manager of a hammer factory. He had the sort of look about him anybody could tell he was a man of prestige.

This is why Mrs Wesley loved him so much - the reason she was cheerfully shuffling along the carpet with a tray full of tea. Her hands were thin and rather warped, wrapped around the edges of the tray and clasping it tightly. Her face gazed gently into the pools of tea as they tossed around inside the cups.

Their small son Dereck anxiously awaited the assortment of biscuits, but cared not or tea. His beaming face was the pride of his parents life, it was the kind of face that could do no wrong.

Tea, biscuits and voyuerism... the Wesleys had a full and satisfying life. They were living the dream If it weren't for one rather troublesome little problem, it would be a paradise. Mr Wesley closed the curtain, muttering to himself. His worst fear was that the neighbours found out about the Potts.

Mrs Potts was infact Mrs Wesleys extremely shameful and deplorable younger sister. The amount of time between their visits related directly to amount of joy the Wesley family felt, so it was fortunate for the well being of an entire household that such an occurance was now an extremely rare thing. Infact, it had been many years. Knowing this made Mrs Wesley extrememly happy.

The Potts were really a rather strange bunch, and of the sort that shouldn't be welcome on an ordinary street such as Tricky Lane. They had a son too, which was a shame - such a nice and well mannered child, sure to be corrupted by such strangeness and depravity.

The curtain flapped slightly behind Mr Potts, which was unfortunate, for had he not closed the curtain so soon he would have seen the sight of a large owl land on their front garden. Infact, the entire view outside looked extremely plain, just how they liked it. There was of course no sign of the mysterious and strange things to come. No sign of magic in those skies.

Mr Wesley picked out his favourite cuff links for work, and at half past seven headed off out of the door. A small attempt was made to kiss his wife on the cheek, but things didn't go according to plan.
 

mali

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I like it :) I'd suggest to use less hints to upcoming change in tension, though. Personally I prefer the Stephen King style of turning everyday situations into nightmares in a totally "dry" way. I'm absolutely no literature expert, nor do I read much anyway, so maybe you should just forget what I said :p
 
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Asteroid said:
Sounds really familiar, where did you get the inspiration... I wonder?.

Keep it up.

I am my own inspiration. Please, in future do not quote what I am writing. I consider that breaking copyright.

I'll let you off this time... but I would prefer if you delete the passage which you have quoted. Please remember that I am the author of this work.

Thanks for the feedback - more tommorow I hope. It's a story about children who learn magic! Yay!
 
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amishaziz

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SomeGuy99 said:
Asteroid said:
Sounds really familiar, where did you get the inspiration... I wonder?.

Keep it up.

I am my own inspiration. Please, in future do not quote what I am writing. I consider that breaking copyright.

I'll let you off this time... but I would prefer if you delete the passage which you have quoted. Please remember that I am the author of this work.

Thanks for the feedback - more tommorow I hope. It's a story about children who learn magic! Yay!

Your so funny. You just quoted me, and I just quoted you. :rolleyes:

Remember, I quoted you here. Your instruction said "Please don't copy this and post it anywhere else okay?", and I did just that. ;)

Shall definately like to see more.

Edit:

Just free tip for you for future reference:

Do not forget to add your copyright notice, as these boards are public, and your work may be used without your express permission.

i.e. Copyright 2010 John Smith
 
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It's great, because they learn magic in a floating castle... but it's a school! Crazy huh.

Sorry, i'm spoiling the plot a little bit.
 

mali

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Asteroid said:
@ Mali (off topic/out of context)

What happened to your avatar, you had such pretty eyes?.
I lost my MOD virginity so I thought it would be good to make an ...erm... fresh start. It's my avatar from 2008, "chopper santa". His eyes are beautiful, you just can't see them :p
 
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Nova

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I totally see where you're going with this.
 
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Well I still own the film and merchandise rights. People still buy lunch boxes don't they?
 

Goity

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How wonderfully original! I've never read anything like it! Just one tip though; magical floating castles are a bit childish. Perhaps you could turn it into just a regular castle, or possibly a large tree.

Still, good luck! You'll need it if you want to finish it. Like Roald Dahl. Who finishes books.
 
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Goity said:
How wonderfully original! I've never read anything like it! Just one tip though; magical floating castles are a bit childish. Perhaps you could turn it into just a regular castle, or possibly a large tree.

Still, good luck! You'll need it if you want to finish it. Like Roald Dahl. Who finishes books.

I'm thinking of making it an OAP home instead, but it may not be as easy to market.
 
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Goity

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Maybe not, but if you add some crippled alien OAPs into that OAP home, then you may have a winner.
 

amishaziz

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I quite liked the idea of a flying castle, reminded me of Laputa. You don't get many of them around. Sounds childish maybe, but hey who is the target audience?. It sounds like adventurous fun, kids love it, and so does the child in me.

Remember when you start something like this, be open to suggestions, but remember your the author, and it's your work.

You can go with an OAP home, it is more humdrum and believable, it could work, it always hangs on the characters being able to pull it off. You just have to work out the journey along which you will take your readers to the ending, you should already have in mind.

I am still awaiting the next bit to read!, come on where is it?.

I typed it once, here goes again do not forget your copyright notice.
 

Goity

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Maybe there can be a big spoiler at the end where it turns out Henry Potts is the Origami Killer.
 

amishaziz

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Goity said:
Maybe there can be a big spoiler at the end where it turns out Henry Potts is the Origami Killer.

I think I am starting to get in with your warped sense of humour (If you don't mind me calling it warped). I can only imagine the twisted plot lines stemming from your suggestions.
 
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Incase nobody noticed, this is the first page from a best selling book rewritten in my own style. It was basically a joke... I could write more, but it would be a lot of work to regurgitate the whole thing. I might do the first chapter maybe?
 

amishaziz

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SomeGuy99 said:
Incase nobody noticed, this is the first page from a best selling book rewritten in my own style. It was basically a joke... I could write more, but it would be a lot of work to regurgitate the whole thing. I might do the first chapter maybe?

Well I don't want to quote my first post (so I did yours), but I did ask where the inspiration came from.

Ironically, there is a thread on copyright material.

But hell why not, most stuff is plagurised these days. Even that famous book you reference, is a blatant rip off in parts of a better epic.

Should you get around to the first chapter, just give it a little tidy up so it reads a bit more fluid.

It does explain, why you never added your copyright notice :lol:
 
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