I'm trying to translate this from Bavarian and fear it's just not as snappy as I heard it. Oh well here goes
Two planets meet.
A: Hey there mate, you don't look so good. Have you seen the doctor about that?
B: Yeah, she said it's - whatchamacallit - "Homo Sapiens"?
A: Ah don't worry then, you'll be over that soon.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
"Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”