(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm.

"Do you sell fishcakes?" he asks.

"Of course," says the fishmonger.

"Oh good," says the man. "It's his birthday!"

 

[Rykr_munstr]

Pavlov?  -Hmmm Rings a bell.

 

[Null]

I recently took up making violins, but it didn't last, it was just too fiddley.

 

[Null]

Sadly, even after years of meditation in a Tibetan monastery, Wally never managed to find himself.

 

[Rykr_munstr]

Men are like parking spots.  All the good ones are taken and the rest are Handicap.

Sex is like snow, you don't know when you'll get it, how many inches or how long it'll last.

 

[Rykr_munstr]

Cunnilingus is like driving thru thick fog.  You need to slow down, pay attention or you will run into the a**hole ahead of you.

 

[Null]

Hands up if you're scared of armed robbers.

 

[Null]

After a police tip off, a raid on an aluminium factory has been foiled.

 

[Null]

I've always enjoyed acting. When I was young I loved fooling my mum, pretending to be my twin brother to get myself out of trouble.


I must have been good at it, I'm an only child.

 

[Klumpen]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/lKKur8C4WVg?feature=oembed

 

[Rykr_munstr]

(click to enlarge)

 

[Null]

I am very like of using google translate.

 

[Null]

I've deleted so much history on my computer it doesn't even know who the Romans were.

 

[Null]

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"


I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

 

[Null]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...


We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.

 

[Null]

There's a new Supermarket near our house that's recently opened. It's got an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk aisle, you hear cows mooing and there's a scent of fresh hay. When you approach the eggs, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

 

[Rykr_munstr]

One dark day in the middle of the night,
two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back they faced eachother,
Drew their swords and shot eachother.
If you don't believe the story's true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too!

 

[Null]

I'm very good at making quick decisions and always put on the first thing I see when I open my wardrobe in the morning.

That's why today I'm wearing three coat hangers and a pillowcase.

 

[Neelix]

I'm very good at making quick decisions and always put on the first thing I see when I open my wardrobe in the morning.

That's why today I'm wearing three coat hangers and a pillowcase.

heh that brings to mind a recent dilbert sequence...http://dilbert.com/strip/2014-12-29

- Neelix

 

[_jr_]

Reminds me of why Dilbert stopped to be funny. Sadly success made Adams primarily think of himself (and similarly successful people) as smart. Not that he is not smart, but that wasn't the part that made him funny and successful in the first place.