Null
Snug
I hate it when people steal quotes from movies.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
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(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner
- Thread starter Løra (Lolla)
- Start date
Rykr_munstr
Member
Yes, I agree. Unfortunatly this is usually the case when something starts off great then becomes a former shadow if itself, be it movies, tv, music, software, organizations, movements etc...
Rykr_munstr
Member
I am sitting in a bar having a drink so is the guy next to me. The guy next to me finishes his drink and orders another. Shortly into his new drink he falls off his stool and can't get back up, so I help him up. I finish my drink and order another. The guy next to me falls off his stool again, once more I help him up.
I say to the bartender, if this guy falls again I'll take him. Just short of saying that the guy falls off his stool again. So I help him up, I get him to my car and put him in. I drive him to his house. He opened the car door and fell out. I get out help him up and carry him all the way to his door. I ring the bell, a woman answers the door, I say to her I brought your husband home from the bar. The women replies, Why thank you that was very kind of you, by the way where is his wheelchair?
I say to the bartender, if this guy falls again I'll take him. Just short of saying that the guy falls off his stool again. So I help him up, I get him to my car and put him in. I drive him to his house. He opened the car door and fell out. I get out help him up and carry him all the way to his door. I ring the bell, a woman answers the door, I say to her I brought your husband home from the bar. The women replies, Why thank you that was very kind of you, by the way where is his wheelchair?
Null
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Why is it that Volvic Mineral Water, which has been filtered through volcanic rock for millions of years, has a Best Before date?
Null
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People often ask me why I wanted to be a film editor.
Well, to cut a long story short.
Are you illiterate? Write to me for help.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Well, to cut a long story short.
Are you illiterate? Write to me for help.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Null
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My mate's got an unusual job.
He finds things before other people lose them.
He finds things before other people lose them.
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I saw a guy in the park the other day pinned under a tree.
"Get help!" he shouted.
"Fuck you," I replied, chugging my bottle of vodka. "I don't need help, I can quit anytime."
"Get help!" he shouted.
"Fuck you," I replied, chugging my bottle of vodka. "I don't need help, I can quit anytime."
Null
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I learned two very important lessons today.
I can't remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I can't remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
comradekingu
Glowing ember
Tired of being bullied for sitting in a wheelchair, Stephen Hawkings escaped all ridicule by laying down in it.
Spinally encumbered people of moral plight, gonnan sit upright.
A yeeeeeeez, Stew-Hawk slants his head, as if to nod in approval.
Spinally encumbered people of moral plight, gonnan sit upright.
A yeeeeeeez, Stew-Hawk slants his head, as if to nod in approval.
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What did Cinderella say when her photos never showed up? "One day my prints will come"
What do you call it when a knight receives letters? Chain mail
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck.
Which hand is it better to write with? Neither, it's better to write with a pen.
Why do people go to bed every night? Because the bed won't go to you.
Why don't traffic lights go swimming? They take a while to change
Why was the broom late? It overswept
What do you call it when a knight receives letters? Chain mail
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck.
Which hand is it better to write with? Neither, it's better to write with a pen.
Why do people go to bed every night? Because the bed won't go to you.
Why don't traffic lights go swimming? They take a while to change
Why was the broom late? It overswept
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comradekingu
Glowing ember
What do you call scotch whiskey that isn't made from barley or rye?
Null
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On my way home from the off licence earlier, I dropped my bag in a puddle.
It really dampened my spirits.
It really dampened my spirits.
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb in a tree and act like a nut.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain
What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the ol' block
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey..what would Delaware?
What do you call a plump psychic? A four-chin teller
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A dell rolling in the deep
Where does bad light go? To prism
Why did the insomniac get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you call it when a cat wins at a dog show? A cat-has-trophy
What concert costs 45cents? 50 cent featuring Nickelback
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain
What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the ol' block
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey..what would Delaware?
What do you call a plump psychic? A four-chin teller
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A dell rolling in the deep
Where does bad light go? To prism
Why did the insomniac get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you call it when a cat wins at a dog show? A cat-has-trophy
What concert costs 45cents? 50 cent featuring Nickelback
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I don't believe Jesus died for my sins.
The Internet has only just made most of them possible.
The Internet has only just made most of them possible.
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Spreadsheets: That's where I really Excel.
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I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"
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Me and my mum have had a great day out today, took me three hours to dig her up and an hour to get the lid off but it was worth it...
