(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner


I saw a UFO yesterday.


So I quickly grabbed the worst camera I own to film it with.


I've been searching for my stolen bed.


And I won't rest until I find it.


What word becomes shorter when you add two letters?


Short.
 
A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"


The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.
 
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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"


The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.
Reminds me of:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OopAwUaqknM?feature=oembed

A second horse Walks Into A Bar

The second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"

@Strigoi: by the way... are you sure the first animal was a horse and not a pony? And that is the reason why it did not respond? You know, a pony is a little hoarse.
 
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This is a story about Jesus and his disciples.

Jesus sometimes used a secluded place, like the top of a hill to teach his disciples in private. Today, was such a day.

He told his disciples to grab a stone and, while walking uphill, bash the stone against their chest while saying "mea culpa".

Peter, being a strong man, grabbed a big boulder and started walking uphill.

Judas, just grabbed a pebble. And holding it with his thumb and finger, started walking and hitting his chest with it.

On the top of the hill Jesus asked the disciples to sit in a circle, and there, he transformed each stone to bread.

Peter was eating with fervor. But Judas, poor Judas, was looking hungrily at all the others.

The next day, Jesus brought the disciples to the same bottom of the hill. And asked them to grab a stone, and climb the hill again.

Judas, this time not wanted to be outdone, grabbed the biggest rock he could find. And with flakey, buckling knees started the climb to the top, while huffing, and puffing, and pounding his chest.

At the top of the hill Jesus commanded them to sit in a circle. Judas had a red, bloody head, he was sweating like in a sauna, but was proud and happy and full of expectation.

Then Jesus told his disciples: "Now, throw away the stone. Today I brought cake."
 
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A drunk orders himself a beer

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

Here are more bar jokes: http://www.kaitaia.com/jokes/Barroom%20Jokes/Bar%20Jokes%2046.htm
 
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Two bulls are sitting atop a hil over looking a heard of cow.

Younger bull "I have an idea, how about we run down and mate with as many as we can?"

The older bull replies "Let's walk down and mate with them all."
 
My friends refuse to play chess with me. They say it's because I don't understand the rules, but I think it's because I'm too good. I nearly always roll a double six.
 
http://dilbert.com/strip/1993-11-09

Sister Deena had just returned home from Sunday evening service when she was startled by a burglar. With great biblical authority she yelled, " stop! Acts 2: 38, which implies " Turn from your sin"
The theif stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man, he asked the burglar, " Why did you stop you burgling? All the old lady did was yell a Bible verse at you."
" Bible verse?" replied the crook. " She said she had an axe and two .38s!"

source: http://www.christian-jokes.net/Jokes/Christian-Jokes/92-A-SHORT-HISTORY-OF-MEDICINE.aspx
 
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For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?
 
The length of a minute all depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

-Man who walk in fro of car will get tired.  Man who walk behind car gets exhusted.

-Man who argues with woman all day, will get no peace at night.

-Woman who puts man in dog house will find him in cat house.
 
My 12 year old son got home from school and he was very upset,

"I got a Valentines day card today dad," he told me.

"Well that's nothing to be upset about, I would be chuffed if it were me," I replied.

"It was off Father O'Malley," he replied.
 
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