(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[sebt3]

GPS The only woman men listen to find the way.

Bus: Vehicle twice as fast when we run after than when we're sit in.

State: Best organized mafiosi organisation of all time.

Tie: Accessory that point the brain of the man.

Toe: organ for detecting the corners of doors.

Sex equity: New concept design by men to not pay the restaurant bill.

"Yes sweety": Time saver.

Ex: Just like prison, if you're betting back, you didnt learned.

International aid: Aid paid by the poor in rich countries to help poor countries' rich.

Woman: It's like coffee, it excites the beginning but soon it annoys.

Love: It's like a card game, if you do not have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Rich man: one who makes more money than his wife spends.

Big Love: Expression of the 15th century, when life expectancy was 35 years.

 

[Null]

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

 

[rygD]

^It still might be worth getting.  Even if the contents isn't great it might be good enough.  If it is about fear of confinement in buildings or windows you can always just throw it out.  Regarding spiders and other little things, give it a read.  If it is not good for those, I will drop it.  I think a book on biliophobia might not be a great choice, though.

 

[comradekingu]

Bare with me, this joke is on a bit of a dark path, only lit by flaming hatred for other ethnicities, i see you are still with me, its going to be a cosy joke, the trail is one of people who can not enjoy our company, we are parade-marching past bulimics with the intensity only reserved for ingesting calories on a all-you-can-eat buffet. Extended foot meeting cheek, head held high over brow, onlooking the banner that reads: We are the plutocrats!

 

[Null]

"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives," smiled my girlfriend as we flew out to our dream holiday in Hawaii.


"You seem pretty sure of yourself," I replied.


"I am," she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

 

[sebt3]

Yesterday I said my husband : Wanna play the doctor ?

Exited, he replied : SURE!

So I made him wait an hour in the living room then I gave him an appointment in 6 months

 

[Null]

Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

 

[rygD]

You sure they didn't just disregard it?  That is what I do.

 

[Null]

Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman", or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?

 

[rygD]

There was a boy praying at night and he said, "God bless mummy, daddy, grampa, and good-bye uncle Fred."
The next day uncle Fred died tragically by getting hit by a mac truck.
So the next night at prayer time, the boy said, "God bless mummy, daddy, and good-bye grampa."
The next day, grampa was playing golf and was hit by lightning and then was dragged out to the 18th hole and he died.
The next night people were getting real worried. At prayer time the boy said, "God bless mummy and good-bye daddy."
Well, the next day the father was especially careful and when he got home, his wife was crying.
He asked, "Honey, what's wrong?"
She said, "The postman is lying dead on the front porch!"

 

[Null]

The postman knocked on my door when I was in the bath, so I rushed down the stairs and opened the door.

"You should really put some clothes on."

"I know, but this job gets really boring," he replied.

 

[rygD]

My wife told me that she's getting fed up of my boring facts.

"I find them very interesting," I said.

"Well, who gives a flying fuck?" She said angrily.

"Dragonflies," I replied.

 

[Null]

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep;

if I die before I wake

will someone please delete my internet browser history.

 

[Binky]

will someone please delete my internet browser history.

A pot of thermite on top of your hard disk should do the trick

 

[Granitehead]

will someone please delete my internet browser history.

A pot of thermite on top of your hard disk should do the trick

Only if you aren't using Google Chrome. :-D
(signed in to a Google account. I'm pretty sure it syncs your history by default)

 

[Null]

Just the one, actually.


How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?

 

[Null]

We used to have 4 different remote controls.


Then we got a Universal Remote.


Now we have 5 different remote controls.

 

[Null]

There's a story in today's paper about a woman in Florida who survived 45 minutes with no heart function.


That's nothing. There are politicians who go through their entire lives with no brain function.


The first rule of Innuendo Club is you can only enter via the back door.

 

[Binky]

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major!

What do you get if you drop a piano into a quarry?

A flat miner!

 

[Null]

Three vowels and four consonants are always in fashion.