Null
Snug
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
A. They take the psycho path.
(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner
- Thread starter Løra (Lolla)
- Start date
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
A man walks into a pet store and tells the pet store owner he wants to buy a parrot. A talking parrot that does not swear.
The owner walks the man to this parrot in a cage with strings around both legs. The man asks the owner "why the strings?"
The owner replies "Pull one".
The man puts his hand in the cage and pulls the left string and the parrot sings "God save the Queen"..
Now curious and amazed the man pulls the right string and the parrot sings Joe Cocker's " You are soooo beautiful to meeee".
So the man at his peak of curiosity asks the owner " I wonder what will happen if I pull both at the same time?"
The parrot replies " I will fall on my ass you dumb bastard!!!"
The owner walks the man to this parrot in a cage with strings around both legs. The man asks the owner "why the strings?"
The owner replies "Pull one".
The man puts his hand in the cage and pulls the left string and the parrot sings "God save the Queen"..
Now curious and amazed the man pulls the right string and the parrot sings Joe Cocker's " You are soooo beautiful to meeee".
So the man at his peak of curiosity asks the owner " I wonder what will happen if I pull both at the same time?"
The parrot replies " I will fall on my ass you dumb bastard!!!"
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Null
Snug
What kind of bird can you write with?
A pen-guin.
A pen-guin.
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
When should you buy a bird?
When it is going cheep.
When it is going cheep.
Null
Snug
I saw this cute homeless girl on the streets so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said "of course". The look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box...
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
A doctor examines a homeless guy and says " Here now take this three times a day with water".
The homeless guy asks "What is it ?"
The doctor replies "soap".
The homeless guy asks "What is it ?"
The doctor replies "soap".
Null
Snug
Where did the policeman live? 999 Letsby Avenue.
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
The officer asks "How high are you?"
Pothead responds "No officer it's high how are you."
Pothead responds "No officer it's high how are you."
Null
Snug
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Null
Snug
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in there.
I've just got a new job helping a one armed typist with her capital letters.
Its shift work.
I've just got a new job helping a one armed typist with her capital letters.
Its shift work.
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
I went to a very sexually liberated university.
F..K U
F..K U
KillRoXx
Member
whisky makers have a special drink. still whiskey. also as in destill
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
I have a drinking problem. I have 2 hands but only one mouth.
I have a weight problem. I cannot wait to eat.
I am on a light diet. I only eat when it is light out.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food I eat it.
I have a weight problem. I cannot wait to eat.
I am on a light diet. I only eat when it is light out.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food I eat it.
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- Joined
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I'm on the vegetarian diet. - There's not much meat on them but it's doing wonders for my figure.
I love kids but I couldn't eat a whole one.
I love kids but I couldn't eat a whole one.
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
A man walks into a bar and brags to all the patrons that he can taste and identify correctly what any drink is blindfolded.
The bartender and a few patrons wager on this claim and proceed to blindfold the braggart and serve him the first drink.
The man says " Oh yes, Jack Daniels and Schweppes Ginger Ale with a orange twist".
The patrons and the bartender are amazed. So the bartender mixes another libation.
The man says confidently " Oh glory be, a Dirty Beefeater Martini straight up with a lime twist".
Once again this happens for the third time .The man is right on the money again and nails the drink's content and is getting louder and arrogant. He boasts "A Black Russian with Grey Goose and Kahlua". Is that the best you've got"?""What a bunch of losers in this bar!!" "Come on now lads double or nothing"!!!!
So now the patrons and the bartender are getting upset and very suspicious.
Then the bartender comes up with an idea and decides to urinate in a glass and see what the man identifies this drink as!! He says to the patrons in a whisper "I'll show this bragging bastard a drink he will never get right!"
So the man drinks the drink and practically vomits it all up and exclaims "THIS TASTES LIKE PISS"!!!
With that said the bartender replies,"Yea but whose is it"?
The bartender and a few patrons wager on this claim and proceed to blindfold the braggart and serve him the first drink.
The man says " Oh yes, Jack Daniels and Schweppes Ginger Ale with a orange twist".
The patrons and the bartender are amazed. So the bartender mixes another libation.
The man says confidently " Oh glory be, a Dirty Beefeater Martini straight up with a lime twist".
Once again this happens for the third time .The man is right on the money again and nails the drink's content and is getting louder and arrogant. He boasts "A Black Russian with Grey Goose and Kahlua". Is that the best you've got"?""What a bunch of losers in this bar!!" "Come on now lads double or nothing"!!!!
So now the patrons and the bartender are getting upset and very suspicious.
Then the bartender comes up with an idea and decides to urinate in a glass and see what the man identifies this drink as!! He says to the patrons in a whisper "I'll show this bragging bastard a drink he will never get right!"
So the man drinks the drink and practically vomits it all up and exclaims "THIS TASTES LIKE PISS"!!!
With that said the bartender replies,"Yea but whose is it"?
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Null
Snug
What happened to the butcher when he backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his orders.
He got a little behind in his orders.
C
CocoCreekFisherman
Guest
A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender asks the horse "Why the long face"?
A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.
A guy walks into a bar angry ands yells "All lawyers are assholes!!" A man at the end of the bar proclaims "I object to that remark!" The angry guy asks "Why are you a lawyer?" The man at the end of the bar replies, "No but I'm an asshole".
A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.
A guy walks into a bar angry ands yells "All lawyers are assholes!!" A man at the end of the bar proclaims "I object to that remark!" The angry guy asks "Why are you a lawyer?" The man at the end of the bar replies, "No but I'm an asshole".
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