Hey everyone.. I'm still alive


FaeMinx

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I want to appologize to ShayBlez if I said anything offensive, and also for helping derail this thread.  Edit: FaeMinx too.
I'm working on not getting offended by things, which can be easy for me... but you didn't offend me this time. I must apologise for going off on a judgemental tangent again... I really need to get a handle on that.


p.s. I hope that I didn't somehow scare off Shay? :(
 

rygD

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Some of the things I said can be misunderstood in the opposite ways I intended them.  It is probably easier just to say "do, think and feel how you do, but try not to do damage unless trying to prevent greater damage".  Even that is pretty worthless...
 

rygD

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Some of the things I said can be misunderstood in the opposite ways I intended them.
Happens to everyone, even linguistic masters like me. ;)
I like such things, I just wanted to clear up that in this case I may not have been spewing the hate it might have seemed I was.  Sometimes I try to be clever with my hate.
 

Null

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Yoda_Star_Wars_Quote_There_is_No_Try.jpg
 

rygD

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1. Not a fan of Star Wars.

2. One can only ever try or not try, because

3. Failure is always an option.
 

rygD

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Usually with ST:TNG or a horror television series/movie on (the screaming probably helps).
 

rygD

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Indiscriminate love and hate lack the passion of the real things.  Being offensive, though, comes naturally to me, so sometimes I try to alert people that none was intended.  Usually I just sit back and and am amused by the overreactions.
 

ibisum

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I don't even know who you are or why you are important, but good to know you're alive!
 

KickAss

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@Shay: you go, girl! never mind what ppl say/think - whatever makes you happy is the right thing to do (with only few exceptions, actually).


@FaeMinx: interesting read up there. also kudos to you. if you dont mind me asking: how does life work for you as a person without any sexual interest whatsoever?
 

FaeMinx

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@FaeMinx: interesting read up there. also kudos to you. if you dont mind me asking: how does life work for you as a person without any sexual interest whatsoever?
A number of things I need to say:


1) It is apparent to me I have multiple personalities, not something I am all that happy about as I seek to be whole without swinging this way and that in my general state of being/perspectives.


Yesterday I was completely disinterested in sex, humanity, all experiences and life in general.


Today I am inspired, enthusiastic and supportive of this reality. Today I could see myself in a sexual relationship, but will still not seek it out.


It frustrates me when I go off on a tangent like I did a week or so ago, and then a few days later I'm "what the hell FaeMinx?"


Hopefully one day I'll be consistent...


2) I am an obsessive compulsive observer... I evaluate and break down human behaviour and compulsions and question their place in my 'ultimate source reality'...


I find humanity's sexuality absurd, but fascinating also...


I find it absurd that we, or all (almost all) physical life is sustained and takes pleasure from consuming other life.


Duality itself boggles my mind. I have a hard time assigning validity to realities in which expressions of life are separate from each other... it does not compute for me.


This place is alien to me... and to be perfectly honest, it is so alien that I can only accept it as a 'made-up' place.


I am convinced that nothing here is what it appears to be, and that the way to escape is to 'wake up'... and the only way to wake up from 'this reality' is to shatter this almost perfect sense of presence...


So I look for flaws in the code, for obvious AI patterns, for absurd things that go unquestioned because they are 'PROGRAMMED' into the players.


I regard genetics as programming


I regard social conditioning as programming


I regard 'imposed structures' as programming.


The long and the short of it is I reject pretty much all structures.


Religion is a structure by the way.


Science is fascinating, but science is the study and manipulation of structures.


Therefore, Science is just as much make believe as religion is to me.


And of course, in a make believe reality, make believe structures will be provable.


I am obsessed with dissolving anything and everything that is 'made up' to get to what it is made up out of.


That is priority one


Priority two is surviving in this reality


Priority three is finding peace in this reality


Priority four is seeking to enjoy this reality


Priority five is to have a beneficial influence in this reality.


As I am so obsessed with 'Ultimate Truth', can you really see me as a playa?


Could I pretend to be into someone and play the game in order to study sex first hand and see if it has any place within priority four?


Of course not!


Can you really see a girl being interested in helping my studies? With the clear understanding that she could never ever be my first priority. She would always come 6th, at the most.


... and that part of my first priority would be to question everything she believes, and then proceed to break them down into nothingness.


No. That simply isn't fair to expect, because there is no way I *wouldn't* ruthlessly challenge anyone foolish enough to seek to be close to me.
 

FBnil

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That is priority one
Have you ever thought of that these priorities actually shift over time? So when hungry, your second prio becomes number one. When wanting to help somebody out, that raises beyond number 2 (for example, run in front of a car to get a kid out of the way). Then, as your situation changes (for example a partner), these values change overall, but keep fluctuating. (for everything in the universe is in motion)

As for discovering the "made up" part. Once you know what makes people tick, you are no more than a user of others as a resource. (kids are good at this)

But pursue that too much and risk losing that spontaneous spark that makes you human (kind of like being too good in predicting a movie, it becomes a technical thing, and you can not immerse in it)
 
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FaeMinx

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Well using others goes against my grain, so that is why I like to depend on myself as much as possible - I hate taking advantage of others, and would only as a last resort... and it would eat at me for ages.


This is one reason I have no 'friends', only acquaintances. I don't like being used just as much as I don't like using, even if the person is unconscious of what they are doing, I can't help but recognize when someone sees me as an opportunity...


Yes, priorities do change, but for me... priority ONE has only grown in importance over the years.


Bottom line, I don't *want* to form attachments to anything that could keep me here.


I'm sure some of you can relate to the obsessive singlemindedness that consumes a person that has become infatuated with another person?


Usually these infatuations are intense, but short... but can also become lifelong obsessions.


That is how I feel about Ultimate Truth.


Anything or anyone that tries to get between us will be dealt with as a *threat* and a nuisance.


And to be truthful, I could only be interested in someone as obsessed about Ultimate Truth as I am. We could then support each other in our own individual quests, share our experiences and revelations, and enter into debates/discussions regarding our obsession.


But our relationship to each other could and would never become more important than our own personal relationships to Ultimate Truth.


P. S. Have you considered that perhaps I am already no longer strictly human anymore? That I only resemble one from a distance, and on the surface of my expressions.
 

Klumpen

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If I had to describe your state with one word: Detachment.

The long and the short of it is I reject pretty much all structures.
I think it is impossible to be trully happy (not the hollow kind) when resenting structures in general, because this whole uni(or multi-)verse is most likely just a very big fractal structure.

Not wanting to accuse you of arrogance (that is up for you to decide), I think it's wrong to think one could stand above all structures but it's a usual pattern with detached people (which I am still but am becoming less atm).

Can you really see a girl being interested in helping my studies? With the clear understanding that she could never ever be my first priority. She would always come 6th, at the most.

... and that part of my first priority would be to question everything she believes, and then proceed to break them down into nothingness.


No. That simply isn't fair to expect, because there is no way I *wouldn't* ruthlessly challenge anyone foolish enough to seek to be close to me.
Oh yes, there are such girls, the really egocentric ones, horrible experience for someone like me who got to know the bright sides of what you would probably call pre-programmed symbiosis.

I accepted, that no other person can directly assist me in finding truth and can neither really understand what is going on in my weird mind, the basic and simple truths in life are worth some consideration too though imho.
 

FaeMinx

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@ Klumpen


I can accept structures in and of themselves, and relative to each other... but I cannot accept any structure that purports to be The Truth, that is what I mean by rejection.


For example, it appears I have a body... someone could come along and tell me I am this body, this body is what I am.


My response: BS!!


At the very *most*, this body could be regarded as an aspect, or a part of me.


Someone could come up to me and this religion is The Truth!


My response: BS!


At the very *most* this religion could be regarded as a limited interpretation of the 'idea' of The Truth as perceived through the filter of human comprehension.


I do not believe that happiness or peace or inspiration or enthusiasm or *any* 'enlightening' state can known without those states originating from within Ultimate Truth/universal soul/oneness of being... those states are not dependant on any structure.


Do I resent structure? My ego does... I.e. It is a structure that resents structures that it is dependant on for its existence. My ego does not like that it exists.


But... I Am not my ego, it is a structure that exists within me and is transient.


The Oneness of being that in Truth I Am resents nothing, accepts All, and even loves my ego, which does not love itself.


I do not stand above myself. All that is True is That I AM, all that actually exists is Truth, is That I Am, and nothing is separate from that.


All structure arises or manifests out of Truth, out of That I Am.... it is not the structure that is True, it is That I Am


Take the essence of a blade of grass... what is it Truely? It is That I Am.


ALL structures are temporary manifestations / expressions of That I Am.


My body, my ego, my mind, my heart... All transient, all temporary expressions.


Only an ego can be arrogant. Which is tragic irony for the ego. ;)


... I had a response ready for 'the basic and simple truths in life', but I suspect that might have different meanings for both of us. Could you clarify what you mean by them?
 

KickAss

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you detest science as its only the study and manipulation of structures.


but then you are obsessed with dissolving anything that is made up (structures?) to figure out what its made up of - thus drawing the basic outline of what science actually is.


im confused:


you either contradict yourself or try to express how an obsession with something you detest causes you trouble.


lets pretend you arent strictly human anymore. what are you? can you elaborate?


you do not want attachments to anything that could keep you here? here opposed to where exactly?


you might want to give up the idea of ultimate truth. its soooo last century...


our ways of perception are so limited, the idea we could grasp ultimate truth seems nothing but funny in my eyes.


does your fear of hurting others keep you from giving in to your sexual interest? why would that be important? as you obviously understand the principles of aesthetics, its hard to believe there is no sexual interest at all.


if there was ultimate truth, wouldnt sexual stuff be part of it?


if there was ultimate truth and you could grasp/possess it, wouldnt life be a lot less enjoyable?


luckily theres no such thing :)


@klumpen: standing above all structures. trying to look at nature from far away while only being a minor part of it. thats a frequently addressed problem, true that.


found a solution?
 
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