(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

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I saw a Microbiologist today and he was much bigger than I expected.

 

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I'm thinking of getting a new job.
Working in a mirror factory is something I could see myself doing.

 

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What has 4 letters, always has 6 letters and never has 5 letters.

 

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A 9 year old girl has vanished after using a revolutionary new cream which makes you look 10 years younger.

 

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I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.

 

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Every year dozens of kids are sent off to mime school, never to be heard from again.

 

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I am the greatest exaggerator in the history of mankind.

 

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I just found out that my great grandfather was on the Titanic, and as far as I know he still is.

 

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My half-brother and I are no longer allowed to play with chainsaws.

 

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The piano is one of the hardest instruments to pick up.

 

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My wife was furious with me today because I put a stick in a non-stick pan.

 

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You can turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday.

 

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When I won the world's best doppelgänger competition I was beside myself.

 

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The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

 

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My skiing skills are really going downhill.

 

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Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

 

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What begins with the letter W and ends with the letter T.

 

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We had a contest at work for best neckwear. It was a tie.

 

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What does a house wear? Address.

 

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What was your new years resolution?
Mine was 720p