(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

“Mum, can I play with grandpa?”
“No, you just leave him hanging until the police come.”

 

[Null]

Of course you're not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us.

 

[jedi23]

The mortician ran enraged to his apprentice:
"Did you put a shrimp between the legs of that beautiful dead girl?"
The apprentice was baffled, looked at the dead body and said:
"That's not a shrimp, that's her clitoris"
The mortician replied:
"How strange, it tasted like a shrimp!"

 

[Null]

The mortician ran enraged to his apprentice:
"Did you put a shrimp between the legs of that beautiful dead girl?"
The apprentice was baffled, looked at the dead body and said:
"That's not a shrimp, that's her clitoris"
The mortician replied:
"How strange, it tasted like a shrimp!"

the Corpse Lover, a rather silly funny song about necrophilia in the style of The Corpse Bride

the Corpse Lover, a rather silly funny song about necrophilia in the style of The Corpse Bride. Yet another grotesque song from the guys at TozMusicTV This time a song from Mr Parrott, and if you have heard their songsbefore, you know they are not suitable for children.

inv.zzls.xyz

 

[Null]

Of course I have a talent. I'm really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.

 

[Null]

I just like to sleep without clothes on. The air hostess could have been a bit more understanding.

 

[Null]

My grandpa returned from the war with one leg.
He never said who it belonged to.

 

[Null]

Cliffhanger endings are incredibly frustrating. They just

 

[Null]

“My friend crashed his motorbike. He’s brain-damaged and both his legs are broken.”
“You know, I’m really not surprised that he crashed his bike then.”

 

[jedi23]

The daughter's new friend rings at the door and her mother opens.
"Hello, I'm Tobias and I am here to screw your daughter."
"To whaaaat?" replies the mother furiously.
"Tobias" he answers proudfully.

 

[Null]

I asked my boss if I could come into work a bit late today. He said "Dream on." I think that was really nice of him.

 

[pyrat]

Well Tobias comes accross a little rude, but he must be frustrated. With that name a man can only work choosing resistors to attach to a transistor or picking wrong questions for surveys...

 

[jedi23]

The joke works in german as well, but the guy need to be called Umberto... But with that name career opportunities aren't that better than being called Tobias I guess

 

[Null]

I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania.
I took a lot from it.

 

[Null]

Aim for the stars! But first take care of the bodyguards.

 

[Null]

A clairvoyant to a man, "I can see you are the father of 3 kids."
The man smiles smugly, "No, I have 4 kids."
The clairvoyant, "That’s what you think."

 

[pyrat]

From an slashdot comment:

Two planets meet. The first one asks: "How are you?"
"Not so well", the second answered "I've got the Homo Sapiens."
"Don't worry," the other replied, "I had the same. That won't last long; they trigger a fever and then bake themselves away."

 

[Null]

https://inv.zzls.xyz/watch?v=ybZGz5dF5MU

 

[netcat]

Here's one from my 11 year old daughter:

A woman is walking home with a Christmas tree under her arm. A gentleman asks "will you be putting that up yourself?". The woman replies "no - it's going in the living room"

Post automatically merged: Dec 22, 2023

What's the difference between me and cancer? My father didn't beat cancer.

 

[Null]

My father fell asleep in front of the TV.
I put a picture of our female neighbor, some tissues, and a pot of Vaseline next to him. Let's see how my mother reacts.