(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

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http://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/3ej6k5/chatturday_the_tulpa_conversation_thread_72515/ctfjcj6

 

[rygD]

Lead me not into temptation, I already know the way.

That reminds me of this from "Better of Two Evils" (MM lyrics often have fun word play):

Don't try to lead me to temptation

I've been delivered and I already know the way

 

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I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.


Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

 

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I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived.


When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.

 

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I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.


Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.


I just saw an Apple store get robbed... does that make me an iWitness?

 

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There is a thin line between Numerator and Denominator.


I bet only a fraction of you get this.

 

[lukey]

 

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I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

 

[Null]

My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display.

 

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Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

 

[rygD]

Not really a joke but misspell kinda sucks to spell.

 

[Null]

Shovels are groundbreaking.


I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers.

 

[Løra (Lolla)]

^ "even the cake was in tiers" lololol I now have the giggles. Thank you

 

[Null]

"Do you have reservations?" "Yes, but I think we'll eat here, anyway."

 

[PokeParadox]

I put my photo inside a locket. I'm now independent.

 

[Null]

I bet you I could stop gambling.

 

[Null]

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.


There's something fishy about seafood.


I've been to the dentist a thousand times. I know the drill.


Shortly after his coronary transplant, the man said he'd had a change of heart.

 

[Null]

The postal service is a mail-dominated industry.