(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

I looked out my window and saw a guy in a black robe who was trying to clear the frost off his car with a scythe. So I thought I'd go and help.


"Stop," said my wife, grabbing my arm. "You're de-icing with death."

 

[Null]

All ships can be submarines... Once.

 

[Binky]

...but they can stay like that for a very long time.

 

[Null]

As I staggered in from the pub last night, I was faced with the usual "you're drunk again, have you no shame?"


'Fuck you' I thought, 'I don't have to take this shit from a table lamp'.

 

[Null]

 

[Null]

My dad is a master at forgery.


He has all the certificates to prove it.

 

[Nintendo]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/NrGeOHpEGk0?feature=oembed

 

[Null]

There was a lovely mirror behind the counter at my local shop.


I could see myself buying it.

 

[Nintendo]

A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

 

[Null]

Me and 146 mates broke the world record for the most people standing in a diagonal line last week.


We were all staggered.

 

[Nintendo]

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The Screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

 

[Null]

I've decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on.


This one was written in London.

 

[Nintendo]

When do you kick a midget in the balls?


----------------


When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice.

 

[matzesu]

Dotnt be to harsh whit the midgets, i mean, they had a tought live: one Woman, for 7 guys ...

(and i knew which midgets you mean, and im glad i have normal size.. ,

whyl lot of they have cool jobs in the entertainment bussiness, like hollywood (the man who playd Minimee, or the guy in R2D2..),

but whit too short legs, and everybody looks at you.. , this isnt cool..)

 

[Nintendo]

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!

 

[FaeMinx]

There aren't enough emoticons on this forum...

 

[Null]

Statistically, any sentence can sound serious with the word "statistically" at the start.

 

[Nintendo]

Statistically, you're right.

 

[Binky]

Did you know that 87% of statistics are made up?

 

[Nintendo]

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."