(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

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Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

 

[Klumpen]

I don't always finish my posts, but when I do

 

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What"s the most common owl in the British Isles?


The Teat Owl.


What do you call a belt made out of watches?


A waist of time.


I miss my umbilical cord, I grew attached to it.

 

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Venison's dear isn't it?

 

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I've just read a great book on how to get rid of bugs from your back yard by Italian author Anton Di Patio.

 

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I stopped by a set of traffic lights and stared at the guy next to me. I looked ahead, then back at him again. I could see the fear in his eyes, he knew I was faster.


Then we crossed the road.

 

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The inventor of air conditioning has died.


Thousands of fans attended his funeral.


My grandfather was on The Titanic.


And as far as I know, he still is.

 

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Would you buy a jigsaw with a scan of your brain on it?


You'll have to make up your own mind.

 

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"Straight ahead for a bit then there's a sharp left so take it slowly." I said.


"The screen is for my benefit Mr Smith," the Doctor said, "and this isn't my first colonoscopy."


I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night.

 

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We're putting a Band together, and we decided to call ourselves "Bubble wrap'.


All we do is Pop...

 

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If a comet hadn't wiped out the dinosaurs, humans might have evolved from lizards instead.


Which turns my blood cold.

 

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If you hold a mackerel to your ear you can just about hear the fishmonger in Morrisons telling you to put it down.

 

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http://is.gd/iOJFmC

 

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Why can't George RR Martin use twitter?


He's killed off all 140 characters.

 

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My wife asked why I carry a gun around the house.


Decepticons I told her.


She laughed, I laughed, the toaster and the coffee machine laughed too.

 

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https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3f9pst/heard_a_really_loud_boom_and_then_the_car_died/ctmlm68

 

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Binary 101 is not a beginners class.

 

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A cure for insomnia is on the way, reveals a spokesperson. But it's not going to happen overnight.

 

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Headlice are now resistant to the usual medical treatments.

The problem has scientists scratching their heads.

 

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I said to my son, "Sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices if you want nice things like cars, holidays or the latest Playstation."


"But, dad..." he replied.


I said, "Look, there's no buts about it. We're selling your kidney whether you like it or not."