Herd Any Good Jokes Recently?

[daclassicgamingmaster]

Why does piglet always smell so bad?

















cuz he's always playing with pooh!

 

[lintsniffer]

Wanna hear a joke?

Women's lib.


HAR HAR HAR.

 

[WarmFluffyUK]

Wanna hear a joke?

Women's lib.


HAR HAR HAR.

Why not try and inject a smidgen of humor into a joke without making an obvious sexist gag.

 

[daclassicgamingmaster]

calm down. I always say that if you cant laugh at yourself, then you suck

My good friend is black, and i always made black jokes to him. And you know what he did in response? made jew jokes right back. And we both laughed. No biggie

Just ignore obviously sexist jokes.

 

[Mr.Jabberwocky]

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?

Select here for answer>None. It is a hardware problem<

 

[Alex.]

calm down. I always say that if you cant laugh at yourself, then you suck

My good friend is black, and i always made black jokes to him. And you know what he did in response? made jew jokes right back. And we both laughed. No biggie

Just ignore obviously sexist jokes.

You probably aren't Jewish

- Alex

 

[WarmFluffyUK]

calm down. I always say that if you cant laugh at yourself, then you suck

My good friend is black, and i always made black jokes to him. And you know what he did in response? made jew jokes right back. And we both laughed. No biggie

Just ignore obviously sexist jokes.

Er Excuse me, I already am making jokes at myself, note the blond joke in an earlier post.

Just don't make stupid jokes that are obviously meant to stir a reaction, okay!

 

[Mr.Jabberwocky]

There were two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years when one day an angel comes down from the sky, and with a simple gesture, brings them both to life.

The angel tells them 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running off together behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as giggling sounds come from the rustling bushes.

After fifteen minutes the two return out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them 'You still have fifteen minutes left.'

The male statue asks the woman statue, 'Would you like to do it again?'

'Oh yes. Let's,' she replies. 'But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you poo on its head!!'

 

[daclassicgamingmaster]

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


highlight here for answer (good method btw)--> >10. 1 to screw it in, and the other 9 to bitch about how it oppresses women<

Hope I didnt offend anyone.

 

[Mr.Jabberwocky]

A blind man goes into an all girls night bar, he sits down and orders a drink. He says to the barmaid, "Can I tell you a blonde joke ?". The whole of the bar becomes silent.
The girl sat next to him, says "Considering you are blind and cannot see, I will tell you that there are two girls over by the pool table who are world championship wrestlers and they are both blonde. The girl sat by the bar is a Karate instructor at black-belt and is also blonde. The barmaid and myself are both black-belts and are blonde... So.. are you still wanting to tell your blonde joke ?".
He thinks for a bit and answers "I think I will give it a miss, I don't want to have to explain the punch-line five times."

 

[nickspoon]

A blind man goes into an all girls night bar, he sits down and orders a drink. He says to the barmaid, "Can I tell you a blonde joke ?". The whole of the bar becomes silent.
The girl sat next to him, says "Considering you are blind and cannot see, I will tell you that there are two girls over by the pool table who are world championship wrestlers and they are both blonde. The girl sat by the bar is a Karate instructor at black-belt and is also blonde. The barmaid and myself are both black-belts and are blonde... So.. are you still wanting to tell your blonde joke ?".
He thinks for a bit and answers "I think I will give it a miss, I don't want to have to explain the punch-line five times."

Damn you, I was going to do that one!

 

[StewC869]

What have climbing mount everest and getting a bj from your mother-in-law have in common?























In both cases its advisable not to look down.

 

[WarmFluffyUK]

This one you have to say the punchline out loud to get the joke:

Q. Where does Saddam Hussein keep his DVDs?
A. In a rack.

 

[loz_the_guru]

What do you call a black man at the controls of an aeroplane?



































































A pilot you fucking racist!

 

[dsraa]

obvious ones...done many times but still funny.


Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.


Just for u Warmfluffy.

DSR

 

[Javacat]

I'm a blonde aswell. Do all of those jokes apply to me??? :lol:

 

[WarmFluffyUK]

Just for u Warmfluffy.

DSR

Er right :unsure: . I have heard some of them, but usually with "Blonde" replaced with "Essex Girl". i.e. How can you tell when an Essex girl has had an orgasm? She drops her chips!

My friend gave me a little book for my last birthday, it's called "The little book of stupid men" and was really funny, here's a few of them:

Q. How does a stupid man know when the toast is ready?
A. He hears the fire alarm.

Q. What's the stupid man's idea of safe sex?
A. Handlebars around the bed.

Q. Why do stupid men marry virgins?
A. Coz they can't stand criticism.

Q. Why is a stupid man like a snow storm?
A. Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.

Q. Why were stupid men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties!

I could go on but I might upset someone .

Edit: By the way I'm a natural blond, I think the stupid blonds are bottle blonds

 

[dsraa]

ok. I found maybe two of those amusing...go figure.

here's another I found for ya:

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"


DSR

 

[daclassicgamingmaster]

LOL



Anyone interested in some FUNNY AS FUCK racist jokes go here:

http://www.jeack.com.au/~jed/

Can't post em as they're incredibly offensive, but some are just hilarious.

 

[WarmFluffyUK]

ok. I found maybe two of those amusing...go figure.

here's another I found for ya:

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"


DSR

Now I actually liked that one

Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Fish.