First ever Askarus newspost ;)


Askarus

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Here's the first Askarus Newspost coming ;)

(This was meant as a response so impatient waiters on an official news post but became to long, so I decided to open a new thread)

It's for those of you who know me for years now and wonder what I'm doing.
It's for anyone who is disappointed because of the delays the Pyra has and wants to read about real disappointment.
Or simply for anyone who likes stalking the life of someone else ;P


It's the first time I talk about my feelings and the bad experiences I've made with the Pandora/Pyra project.
When reading always keep in mind that it's a story of the dark side of my time with the Pandora/Pyra project.
All the things I've learned, the experiences I've made and the great time I had are not part of this story.
I don't regret my time with EvilDragon :)
Maybe those of you who get impatient because of all those delays will be a little more patient after reading it.

I know how frustrating it is to wait for such a long period of time and get disappointed on and on.
Luckily I'm in the post-frustrated phase already ;)
What I did and had to do was to get comfortably with the thought of not having a Pyra for my studies and use the tools I have right now.

Last autumn I began my computer science studies and was hoping to get a Pyra until then to do some coding on the go.
Then there were delays again.
I said to myself I'll get one for sure until the beginning of this semester. At least some old prototype with an unfinished case.
And guess what I have until now: Right, nothing.


But let's start from the beginning and let's start with the happy end ;)

I started to study computer science and live a good life now.
For me it is now more important to spend my free time with my girlfriend and learning for my studies so I'll be able to code some nice Pyra software later.
But I did not leave completely as I still live near Ingolstadt and when I like to I still support ED from time to time.

And now really to the beginning:

As I came to the project (2012, the time ED started to do production) I was working entirely for free.
There was a time I had visions of the company getting bigger and me having a great place to work.

The first years it was no real work for me. It was having fun with ED and helping a great project I really believed in.
It was learning a lot of new things and I felt special for being involved in the project.
After 3-4 years, with all the Pyra delays starting I got more and more frustrated.
I was working to get things done, to see progress.
I did every work that was there, from fixing Pandoras to daily Shop shipment to cleaning up.
I didn't mind, all I wanted was to see an end of all that mess. I was working for a nicer future, but it simply did not happen and I had to do the same work on and on.

Then the display and GCW zero misery began. We got bad Pandora screens twice. The touchscreen did not work and there was dust under the screen.
So we had to check them all manually, label them and send them back. That happened 2-3 times, I can't remember.
The first GCWs were fine. Then we had to rework the next ones incoming. I estimate it was about 50-100.
They needed buttons and the D-Pad to be reworked and had also dust under between LCD and Glass.
Those were here for over a year now and I finished them not even 2 Months ago.

And that was so frustrating at that time.
All we did and everything I did was cleaning up the mess we got from while keeping the daily business running (while everything was not the main job).
There were other things as well we had to test and rework.

And of course EvilDragon is the face of the project and the one who is first to be blamed for everything. After all, he is responsible, right?

And I was angry because I thought I deserve a lot more for what I did then what I got.
I worked hard and a lot more than what was good for me (I did a full time Psychology bachelor graduation at that time as well).
And what I got back was a little money, but people, especially me also want recognition.
Doing all those work without much recognition was horrible for me.
There was a time where everyone releasing a piece if software or a port did get praises.
But who cares about the guy doing the Pandora repairs and all the dirty work, doing what ever possible to take away as much work from EvilDragon he could.
Of course it was a lot of manual labor and a lot of things were repetitive and behind the scenes.
Few people do honor such work.
You know, everyone who was involved in the Pyra creation process will get a lot more praise than the man doing the dirty work voluntarily.

Nevertheless I wanted to stay with EvilDragon at least until the Pyra development mess is over.

Then came the point where it was simply to much for me and I recognized that I have waited much to long and need to get free from that prison of waiting I did put myself in.
It was not only the time spent but also what I did and that it does not bring me any further in life.
It was doing all the work and still not getting anywhere further. In business and in life.
It was barely getting recognized for all of what I did.
It was the hundreds, maybe thousand of hours of work I got nothing for.

I more and more reduced the time I worked for free and then then finally decided not to work on a weekly basis any more.
That was a hard decision for me as I felt really close to the whole project and still do.
I didn't want to leave EvilDragon alone and still had and have hopes that this project has a great future and it will be a great place to work when the time comes.
I still say "we" when I'm talking about the Pandora/Pyra subject.

The result can be read in the first paragraph:
After a while of distance I now made my peace with everything concerning the Pyra.
I did not leave completely and am happy to be able to help out whenever I want and may visit any time.
I further have a great girlfriend for about a year now and fulfilled my dream to study computer science.
And of course I still am looking forward to finally hold a Pyra in my hands and finally doing what I could not do with the Pandora. Writing Software for my favorite piece of hardware :) .
It's not good to be dependent so much of a single device and Project as I was.
I got a lot more open minded as I was and can imagine of a lot of things I might do in life.


Not the END OF STORY, life goes on ;)


At the end I have one message for the waiters:
If you might get impatient while waiting, no mater whether you have pre-ordered or not.
Maybe you think about the work, time, hopes and dreams I have invested and what I got back so far.
And maybe it makes waiting a little easier for you and gives you a little more patience ;)

And at the very end one for everyone:
Maybe you got a little impression of how much I did for the Pandora/Pyra and how much it did cost me.
It is nothong compared to what EvilDragon does. It's unbelievable how much work and time he invests.
Whenever there was a delay, my disappointment must have meant nothing compared to his.
Doing work and having dreams is one thing but being the only one who is responsiblein the end and has to clean everything is on a whole different level.

When anyone of you holds a Pyra in his/her hands, take a moment and try to imagine what you got.
Not only a device, but everything everyone put into it.


Have a nice life everyone :)
 
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TeDaDeS

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I appreciate the work you did and do, I've always seen you as a teammate of ED.

Recently I was working in setting up a new company and everyone said they want recognition, so I assume most people do not get it if they specifically have to ask for it.
Not sure how to fix it but I assume it is the reason people leave their jobs.

Good luck with your study and I hope to see you at the GamesCom ;-)
 

elvissteinjr

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I still feel a bit bad about the time I sent my Pandora to repair and only addressed ED directly and then you responded to the mail. Work from the shadows usually goes under-appreciated.

The two times I've been helping out at Gamescom you seemed a bit stressed, but I thought of it more as in general due to the convention rather frustration with the Pyra project.
Will you still be there this year? I'll try to. You know, we could settle some things in Smash or something. ;)
 

urjaman

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I knew you were doing the pandora repairs (so i guess thats what defines recognition... atleast by one), and i appreciate what you've done. I didnt know of the other stuff though. Thanks for what you've done, and yeah dont do more than what you're happy with* :)

(*That's a thing I've also learned "lately" myself)
 

Wally

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Thanks for everything Askarus, I appreciate you're tackling your CompSci degree and getting somewhere for yourself, it's also amazing that you spent so much time doing Pandora / Pyra stuff out of the goodness of your own heart!

Maybe we'll see you in the future! :)
 

Linux-SWAT

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Askarus, when you do something, _never_ expect to be thanked, whatever amount of time and energy you spend.
Few of us know how and how much you helped, nor how often ED whipped you, but your help was/is valuable.
Glad you are happy in many life aspects.
 

___

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I know how it feels to work incredible amounts for no pay and no praise. It sucks. I appreciate what you did for this scene. Let me tell you that I always saw you as the co-worker of ED and actually thought you were one of the gurus. The thread this whole topic was born from made me really angry at certain impatient dingholes, and though our appreciation may come too late, I hope it makes good for the felt neglect. The respect was always there, just none of us cellar dwellers felt the need to express it. A problem of digital text only communication.
 

atari_afternoon

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It adds to the transparency of the Pandora/Pyra project. Thank you for your report. Keep up the faith. I also have a hobby/second job project I work in every day for the past 10 years , which is extremely gratifying but also extremely frustrating many many times and over time almost everyone else but me has given up on it; my being the youngest, I am the one who has been there the second-longest and I want to continue even if the past two months have been really really bad but last week it has gone up again; luckily I have a good "superior" who is always open for discussion and overnight improvements, and I am part of a small but very dedicated team that really is air under my wings. Askarus, I wish you the same and that all your dreams come true - a perspective in the Pyra development and market as well as in your counterweight, computer science :)
 

notaz

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I may be wrong but I do think you've had a reputation of someone who could fix any kind of hardware problem on anyone's pandora. I don't think there was anyone else like that, maybe except ED himself.

And if you have ever been jealous of the praise I've got in my software threads, don't be. This is temporary thing only and passes away pretty quickly. Take full-speed PSX for an example: the release is made, some people are happy and some nice posts appear. But then some weeks pass and it becomes the new status quo, kind of like it was there all along without all the hard work that went into it. Some even react with "what took it so long" just because Craig randomly promised full-speed PSX in some of his many posts with lots of promises he made who knows how many years back. If there is any recognition, almost all of this is localized here in this small corner of the Internet running on this ED's server. None of the "real" people around me understand what I did, and those who do think it's pointless or insane because no money was made. The only exception (from being localized to this forum) was visiting Gamescom and meeting some part of this community there.

If you're looking for appreciation, I'll also have to disappoint you by saying that choosing computer science was a really poor choice. Unless you can start your own very successful business or become indie game star like Notch, or perhaps invent something new in this overcrowded field, you'll likely just become a small cog in the machinery of some software company. The only ones knowing the great things you did will be your coworkers (who will eventually leave or it will all "reset" when you leave the company) and almost all feedback you get will be negative about the inevitable bugs you'll make. That's at least how things are going around here in my case.
 
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levi

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I remember ED mentioning you were helping assemble Pandoras when it first shifted to Germany I think. And then you helping out with repairs for a while after. I always wondered what your offical role was there, so thanks for filling us in on all the ups and downs you had there.

I'm looking forward to whatever you can do with the Pyra already!
 

0x14f

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Thanks for the work Askarus. Pouring years of work into a vision with little return and no satisfaction, just because you believe in something is inspiring. Good luck with the studies!
 

Alec

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If you're looking for appreciation, I'll also have to disappoint you by saying that choosing computer science was a really poor choice. Unless you can start your own very successful business or become indie game star like Notch, or perhaps invent something new in this overcrowded field, you'll likely just become a small cog in the machinery of some software company. The only ones knowing the great things you did will be your coworkers (who will eventually leave or it will all "reset" when you leave the company) and almost all feedback you get will be negative about the inevitable bugs you'll make. That's at least how things are going around here in my case.
On my first full time job, I remember it literally made my day when my then-manager emailed me "Very nice! Thanks." in response to something I did. With an exclamation mark! It was probably the best compliment I got in the year I had worked for him.

Depending on who you work for, it can be pretty tough, especially when starting out.
 

Caine

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For what it's worth. I've always considered you to be part of the team Askarus.
I have silently respected you for all those contributions.

I am sad to see it was done at such personal expense. Thanks for all the effort.
Good to hear you have started computer science studies, but I have to agree with Notaz.
Praise is not commonly given in our field and when it is, it is usually very insincere.
 

benoitb

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+1 to what Notaz and Linux-Swat said, don't expected to be thanked or recognized in the work place other than receiving a salary.

And a big thank you for the work you did on the project. We appreciate it here in this community ;)
 

ingoreis

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@Askarus
I was ever glad to see you @ the Gamescom.

I thought that EvilDragon and you are Big Friends personaly and you are the Man behind him and help with many many important works.

Your Help is ever important and appreciated but some People simply do not know about a Helper in the Backround.

Do not forget:
You spended so many Time
-not only for a Hobby
-not only to earn Money
-not only to Help EvilDragon
..
.. you helped in that Way ever for growing our Community too.
..you learned many Things in that Time.
..you met some interresting People.
..you made a Presentation @the Gamescom (yes i renember) :D

Your Time is not gone for nothing and maybe some People have never rekognized your important Work in the Backround...but i am one of the People who did that.

On this Part a big thank you to you :D

I am glad to read that you are not alone @ Home.

Hope to see you @ the Gamescom this Year too :D
 

Kippykip

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I wasn't even aware you were part of Ed's team in the first place until I saw this post, welp here's your thanks for speeding up the production ;).
I don't see why people are getting so impatient from the get-go (and by people I mean m@t), as we all spent a lot of money on this thing so I'm sure we'd all rather wait until it's current flaws are ironed out instead of having a buggy unfinished device.
And if you have ever been jealous of the praise I've got in my software threads, don't be. This is temporary thing only and passes away pretty quickly. Take full-speed PSX for an example: the release is made, some people are happy and some nice posts appear. But then some weeks pass and it becomes the new status quo, kind of like it was there all along without all the hard work that went into it. Some even react with "what took it so long" just because Craig randomly promised full-speed PSX in some of his many posts with lots of promises he made who knows how many years back. If there is any recognition, almost all of this is localized here in this small corner of the Internet running on this ED's server. None of the "real" people around me understand what I did, and those who do think it's pointless or insane because no money was made. The only exception (from being localized to this forum) was visiting Gamescom and meeting some part of this community there.
Welp here's your long term thanks for making PCSX-ReArmed, as I played that on the raspberry pi a fair bit
 
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Christoph.Krn

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Maybe you answered your own question, you never said anything about it (to me, anyway). Even now I don't know about a lot of what you did. I always thought that you were doing it for the fun.

What I do know and wouldn't forget is that if it wasn't for you, the Pyra might not have gotten four shoulder buttons. I also wouldn't know what to do if I had hundreds of keymats lying around, but that's a different story.
 
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