(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner
- Thread starter Løra (Lolla)
- Start date
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Garrett
Advanced Member
Some from my hero, Mr George Carlin..
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
& a few from Stephen Wright..
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
So, what's the speed of dark?
I spilled Spot Remover on my dog... Now he's gone.
I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy...
On the other hand, you have different fingers...
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
& a few from Stephen Wright..
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
So, what's the speed of dark?
I spilled Spot Remover on my dog... Now he's gone.
I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy...
On the other hand, you have different fingers...
Last edited by a moderator:
Fzero
Advanced Member
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2010
- Messages
- 4,702
I don;t think I got the job at Microsoft - They haven't responded to my telegram.
I used to be a mime - It's only now I can talk about it.
I used to be a trapese artist - But I was let go.
Was a trampoline salesman - Off and on.
I made clowns shoes - Which was no small feat.
I quit my job at the Helium factory - I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
- Stewart Frances
Check out this little set of his from Mock The Week, I think he's a great one liner
I used to be a mime - It's only now I can talk about it.
I used to be a trapese artist - But I was let go.
Was a trampoline salesman - Off and on.
I made clowns shoes - Which was no small feat.
I quit my job at the Helium factory - I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
- Stewart Frances
Check out this little set of his from Mock The Week, I think he's a great one liner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbCOMxCbeWw
Nice, very nice, hehe @Garrett & FZERO
There was a guy and he was going out with a girl called Lorraine. However, he falls in love with a girl called Clearly. Knowing he must break up with Lorraine, he takes her for a walk by the river. Just as he's about to tell her, she falls in and away she goes downriver. And he goes away singing "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone.." a sad sad tale.
There was once a little green man who lived in a little green house. He goes up his little green stairs into his little green bath. Just as he relaxes, the doorbell buzzes. He jumps out his little green bath, puts on his little green towel, down the little green stairs and opens the little green door. There's a woman standing there. Suddenly his towel falls and she runs across the road and gets knocked over by..I dunno. .a tricycle. And the moral of the story is: don't cross the road when the green man's flashing.
Two sad sad tales..woe is me
There was once a little green man who lived in a little green house. He goes up his little green stairs into his little green bath. Just as he relaxes, the doorbell buzzes. He jumps out his little green bath, puts on his little green towel, down the little green stairs and opens the little green door. There's a woman standing there. Suddenly his towel falls and she runs across the road and gets knocked over by..I dunno. .a tricycle. And the moral of the story is: don't cross the road when the green man's flashing.
Two sad sad tales..woe is me
She was green with envy..
Lol I dunno what I'm even going on about!
Lol I dunno what I'm even going on about!
gp32rich
Never been accused of being subtle
Here's a tale of fortune...
A man was flying a plane.
Unfortunately the engine caught fire.
Fortunately he had a parachute so he jumped.
Unfortunately it ripped.
Fortunately there was a spare, so he pulled the cord
Unfortunately it got twisted.
Fortunately he saw a haystack below him.
Unfortunately there was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Fortunately he missed the pitchfork.
Unfortunately he missed the haystack.
A man was flying a plane.
Unfortunately the engine caught fire.
Fortunately he had a parachute so he jumped.
Unfortunately it ripped.
Fortunately there was a spare, so he pulled the cord
Unfortunately it got twisted.
Fortunately he saw a haystack below him.
Unfortunately there was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Fortunately he missed the pitchfork.
Unfortunately he missed the haystack.
This thread makes me all gumby.
My brain hurts.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/tqyxXX3Ra4A?feature=oembed
My brain hurts.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/tqyxXX3Ra4A?feature=oembed
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What do birds get sick with? Flu
How do you know when Dracula is ill? He keeps coffin..
What does a fisherman get when he's got a hangover? A haddock
^ Sorry, that joke's a bit cod.
Why would you not want to talk to someone in a lingerie store? Because they keep the conversation brief.
How would you praise someone in a lingerie store? You say "bra-vo".
^ Are those last two jokes a bit pants? Lol.
Ooooo and...
What happens to old cars? They retyre!
^ Sorry, that joke's a bit cod.
Why would you not want to talk to someone in a lingerie store? Because they keep the conversation brief.
How would you praise someone in a lingerie store? You say "bra-vo".
^ Are those last two jokes a bit pants? Lol.
Ooooo and...
What happens to old cars? They retyre!
What did the King's joker sing when he was sad? "Jesterday all my troubles seemed so far away"
What do pizzas get when they're unwell? Pizzaria
What bird is a bit mean? A mocking bird.
What horse is great with a guitar? A rockin' horse.
Which hobbit makes a mess when making bread? Frodo
In a forest, a teatree makes the best host
What do pizzas get when they're unwell? Pizzaria
What bird is a bit mean? A mocking bird.
What horse is great with a guitar? A rockin' horse.
Which hobbit makes a mess when making bread? Frodo
In a forest, a teatree makes the best host
@Binky: Lololol.
I say, for a (bad) joke corner, all these jokes aren't half bad! (They're fully bad lol jk)
I say, for a (bad) joke corner, all these jokes aren't half bad! (They're fully bad lol jk)
