(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

[Null]

My son screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

 

[PokeParadox]

I once invented a game-changing hair dryer but I became disheartened when people kept telling me how much it blows.

 

[Null]

After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.
I needed a run up, but I made it.

 

[FBnil]

Life Before the Pandemic

xkcd.com

 

[Null]

I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t put it down.

 

[λ the β-Redex Reducer]

I have a cool original joke: "I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down." I think that is my first original joke that I posted here.

 

[Null]

My friend keeps saying "Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

 

[PokeParadox]

I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t put it down.

On an unrelated note, I too am reading a book titled: "The complete alternative history of glue."
It's a long read, but I'm sticking to it!

Post automatically merged: Apr 19, 2021

I once met a man from Nantucket,
Who had a large hole in his bucket,
Tried to fix it with glue,
And with cellotape too,
But I couldn't

Spoiler

but he was a very nice man.

 

[Null]

How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.

 

[FBnil]

*gets called on the phone*
Friend: Hey man, what are you doing?
Me: Me and my gf are going to buy some glasses.
Friend: And after that?
Me: we'll see.

 

[Null]

I can cut down a tree using only my vision.
I saw it with my own eyes.

 

[FBnil]

Today I learned that British websites do not use cookies. They use biscuits.

I recently started doing meth. But as a precaution, I add break fluid in my meth. Why? Because then I can stop at any time.

 

[Null]

I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed,"'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!"

 

[PokeParadox]

Jack and Bob went on a plane for their holiday.
They got seated slightly apart.
Bob yelled "Hi" to his friend and then panic ensued.

 

[ClockworkCoder]

Two birds were sitting together on a perch. One bird said to the other "Can you smell fish?"

 

[levi]

A good variant on the classic; two fish in a tank. Fish A to fish B: Can you remember how to drive this thing?

Jack and Bob went on a plane for their holiday.
They got seated slightly apart.
Bob yelled "Hi" to his friend and then panic ensued.

I don't get it.

 

[PokeParadox]

A good variant on the classic; two fish in a tank. Fish A to fish B: Can you remember how to drive this thing?


I don't get it.

Spoiler

He shouted "HI JACK!" or "HIJACK!" which could make people feel uneasy on a plane

 

[Null]

Son: "Am I adopted?"
Dad: "Not yet, it seems nobody is interested."

 

[FBnil]

How do you piss of an archeologist?
You hand him a tampon and as him witch period it came from

Fun fact: during earthquakes coffins become underground maracas

There was an accident that left a man's eyes severely injured. Doctors were able to save his sight, but to reconstruct his eyelids they had to use the foreskin from his penis. He made a full recovery, except for being a little cockeyed.

Did you hear about that newly designed shovel? It's ground breaking

Whos the cowardest Transformers? Irunhide!!

 

[Null]

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.