100 Things To Do To Pass The Time...


PinkSpider

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1) Rewrite the bible in jive talk.

2) Call up the vet and say 'I kicked the dog in the ass and now he's bleeding from the ass.'

3) Keep refreshing the General Guff page until a new '100 Things...' topic is made.

4) Phone any Halfords and ask them if they have grease.

5) Then ask if they have Grease 2, the one without John Travolta.

6) Flick marbles at the fat one from Westlife.

7) Pick it up and pass it to someone.

8) Go onto an internet forum and spend a long time trying to think up something witty to enter into a "Hundred ways to pass time" thread.

9) Sniff Allsop 3 Tape Head Cleaner, then proclaim that you are "high"; although it only made you a bit dizzy and gave you the urge to vomit.

10) Thrash your genitals for coins before an audience of heckling rentboys.

11) Try and blow cold air into your own eyes by turning your lips upwards.

12) Punch someone's face in until it stops working.

13) See if you can hold your breath for the entire duration of Chris de Burgh's 1975 classic "Lady in Red"

14) Wank furiously.

15) Invent a new kind of burger

16) Discover the alchemy powers of blutack

17) Force as many Maltesers into your anus as you can, then gather the family around as you stand on a table, bend over and push out "Rabbit poos".

18) Drool.

19. eat an entire tube of salt n vinegar pringles, then enjoy picking off bits of flesh from the inside of your cheeks after the flavouring dissolves them like acid.

20) Create an imaginary friend named Percy, before proceeding to strangle him, all the while pretending to have a breakdown, sobbing ‘If only euthanasia was legalised – then it wouldn’t have had to come to this’. Any onlookers will be impressed.

21) Sit in a big, comfy chair and remember awful moments from your past.

22) Try and think of the redeeming qualities of Kidderminster.

23) Terry Wogan can't even see very well.

24) Find out what happens if you eat every kind of e-number at once.

25) Pretend you have had an accident and wait on the kitchen floor to see how long it is until you are discovered.

26) Stuff rabbit poo in a box and offer around some 'delicious poppets'

27) Kick out the jams.

28) Make a guitar out of some elastic bands and a lunchbox.

29) Start an exclusive club for confused mafiosos and called it the "Mafi-eh?".

30) Try and fit a medium sized cat inside a bee.

31) Get into a fight with a pack of smokes (preferebly moron) . Just tell them that Kid Creole is a better 'black' man then they will ever be. Then kick em

32) Actually do some fucking work!!!

33) Abuse the free tea/coffee facilities at your place of work. (Not "abuse" in the dirty way, guy).

34) Nonchalantly flick bogeys at whoever is sitting in the same room as you.

35) Create 'Monopoly - Bewdly edition'

36) go to a pop corn party in Tenerife with a free bar. (I had most fun. and drunk)

37) Perform autopsys on the dead flys on the windowsill using office equipment.

38) Create a 50-strong fleet of paper aeroplanes.

39) Go & quot;eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eee" as quietly as you can, for as long as you can.

40) Steal loads of batteries from the stationery cupboard.

41) Steal stamps from the cupboard as well.

42) Post the batteries to famous people's houses, using the stamps.

43) Inscribe the batteries with the famous person's name.

44) Build a 'toilet roll tower'.

45) Write a 'choose your own adventure' book using only the first 8 letters of the alphabet.

46) Play GBA whilst on the toilet, when you finally come back out look queasy and no-one will suspect.

47) Divorce your parents and adopt yourself to a gay couple.

48) Make and wear a tinfoil hat.

49) lock yourself in the kitchen with a coloured chap, a mad bloke and a handsome devil. Smoke a cigar and create a non-lethal vehicle mounted weapon using only things found in the fridge. Escape.

50) Trick people into believing that owls are extinct using only the word "fence" and a limited collection of shoe-horns.

51) Go for a whole hour without masturbating.

52) Done (do) a poo.

53) Smash up a webcam with a hammer and then try to construct a hat from the remains. Y'know, one of those hats that people wore in the 1800's.

54) I dunno.

55) Escape from alcoholism and then fall back in.

56) Give all your money, clothes, belongings, to the local tramp and spend the next 7 years living in a cave on the outskirts of civilisation eating only strawberry jam stolen from Tescos.

57) Get drunk, jump into a pond and pretend you are a frog.

58) Clean your entire house / flat using only your tongue

59) Grow a beard

60) Build a model of a City of the Future out of rice and spittle.

61) Paint a giant mural on your wall, of dinosaurs having sex.

62) Eat Chinese (food). Have a half hour break. Eat more Chinese, have a half hour break. Repeat Ad Infinitum.

63) Eat a Chinese (man). Have a half hour break. Eat more Chinese, have a half hour break. Repeat Ad Infinitum.

64) Drown pigs in a vat of mango chutney.

65) Invent a new colour

66) See how long you can live being a "meatatarian" refusing to eat plants, only meat.

67) Have yopurself a little shameful cry over your regrets

68) Phone Noel Edmonds up and tell him to "eat shit and die"

69) Explain the reasoning behind this to the police

70) Die in a heroic way

71) Forge a relationship with your stapler. Insist all people address it as "Mr James Stapler"

72) Shout "Your hurting it" when people try to staple stuff. When they do eventually manage to staple something, try and remove the staples, claiming that their "Mr James Stapler"'s babies

73) Start a short lived hip hop career, using only the words "oranges" and "silver" and rymes thereof.

74) Change your name to "Model #6396-38685-B"

75) Insist loudly to all your colleges that it was Zippy who was the gay one in rainbow, not George, and that George is a "hardass mofo who'll glass your face"

76) Read Turner the worm

77) Invent a new storyline for turner the worm. All dialogue must be composed only of words found in "Mein Kamf"

78) Attack a pipe to your face

79) Tell everyone you only have a week to live, then watch their faces as you hilariously revel that it's just a joke.

80) And THEY'VE only got a week to live.

81) Build an exact replica of your living room in your garden, and when anyone asks about it, mumble something about "never trusting those pesky builders again".

82) Drink a pint of strawberry jam.


83) Form the pop-rock quintet Blondie.

84) Brush the inside of your anal canal with a family member's toothbrush then watch them as they go to brush their teeth that evening and find their toothbrush encrusted with your dried shit.

THEN tell them it was all an hilarious prank and see the look on their face as they realise just how funny your prank was and how wrong they were to have initially gotten mad at you.

THEN snatch the toothbrush from them and force it into their left eye.

85) Brush your teeth with 'Brasso' to get them extra-shiny.

86) Wait for 2031 for weird mods of forums to unban you.

87) Drink Fanta and Sprite mixed together.

88) Peel an orange using your feet.

89) Peel your feet using an orange.

90) Discover how to make creamy fig sauce and eat the skin-peel with it.

91) spank an eleven year old boy on the bare bottom in public in front of his dad

92) drop a bucket onto a pile of ducks beaks

93) invent a new type of elephant

94) pump on your grannie

95) force the eleven year old boys pants up your bottom

96) bend a frog

97) shit absolutely EVERYWHERE

98) Attend church on Sunday wearing a t-shirt that reads Jesus = Cunt

99) Try to eat God.

100) In your local catholic confessional booth, snort a line of crushed calgon tablet through a winnie the poo novelty straw, making sure to die with your trousers down an your hand on your crotch... in a 60s style batman outfit!

From the mental people at http://s4.invisionfree.com/The_Board_of_Bi...dex.php?act=idx

I particularly love
75) Insist loudly to all your colleges that it was Zippy who was the gay one in rainbow, not George, and that George is a "hardass mofo who'll glass your face"
 

Dolfhin

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mattmagoo posted on Aug 9 2004 at 10:34 PM said:
I did 14.) followed by 51.) then an 55 minutes later i did 14.) again



I AM TOO WEAK


EDIT:

Busy with 77  (Yes I do have that book although I still have to read it )

why do you have that 'bible'?
History Class :eek:
 
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Horscht

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well, last year we had to read som excerpts from that book, too. Just to notice, what crap that bastard wrote!
 

mattmagoo

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Horscht posted on Aug 10 2004 at 09:45 PM said:
well, last year we had to read som excerpts from that book, too. Just to notice, what crap that bastard wrote!
we had a briefing of what as in it, then one of the guys in our class got it from the library and was extremely disturbed

AMazon - Mein Kampf
 
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finty

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mattmagoo posted on Aug 11 2004 at 11:37 AM said:
Horscht posted on Aug 10 2004 at 09:45 PM said:
well, last year we had to read som excerpts from that book, too. Just to notice, what crap that bastard wrote!
we had a briefing of what as in it, then one of the guys in our class got it from the library and was extremely disturbed

AMazon - Mein Kampf
Wow, someone actually compares post war Germany with present day America. Dumbass.
 
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