FIND OUT IF YOU'RE STELLAR PATROL MATERIAL--TODAY!
This incredibly comprehensive questionnaire was prepared totally in accordance with the rules and regulations of the Eighth Division Codes of the Third Galactic Union.
To help your recruitment officer determine the best positions for you when you join the Stellar Patrol, fill out the entire questionnaire honestly and without help from family members or friends.
Note: Although most of this data is on Permafile at Third Galactic Union Central Headquarters and can be verified instantly, this is our only method for determining how closely you adhere to the standard code of honor.
PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES
1. Color of eyes: ______________________________________
Do you need glasses or corrective surgery on your eyes?
YES / no
2. Color of hair: ______________________________________
Present hair length: On head: __________________________
Elsewhere (specify): _________________
Are you bald? yes / no / receding hairline
3. Height (check one):
Below 1.5 meters but willing to undergo Artificial Elongation Therapy to meet Stellar Patrol requirements
Below 1.5 meters and unwilling to undergo A.E.T.
Between 1.5 and 3 meters
Above 3 meters but willing to undergo Artificial Shrinkage Therapy to meet Stellar Patrol requirements
Above 3 meters and unwilling to undergo A.S.T.
4. Respiratory functions: Can you breathe through your:
nose
mouth
both nose and mouth
neither nose and mouth
none of the above
Do you smoke?
often
sometimes
never
never looked
5. How would you describe your overall physical health?
Excellent
Good
Fair
Poor
Notify my next of kin immediately
EDUCATION/PERSONAL BACKGROUND
6. Have you finished high school or do you know someone who has?
yes / no / not sure
7. I am able to communicate with others:
in Galalingua
in monosyllabic grunts
via Astronmet's Universal Sign Language
not at all
8. Do you have any experience:
a. using a megaplenoscope? yes / no
b. operating a Schistosoma detector? yes / no
c. actuating a seroepidemiological cyclodiathermy laser? yes / no
d. doing laundry? yes / no
e. other (specify): ________________________________
9. What are your interests and hobbies? (Check up to three)
Jogging
Traveling
Playing Double Fanucci
Moving mounds of dirt
from location to location
Climbing trees Scratching
Climbing walls
Writing manuals
Reading manuals
Thinking
Thinking out loud/talking to yourself
Filling out questionnaires
Drooling
Being miserable
Apologizing
10. In ten words or less, describe the very reason for your existence:
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE
11. Which of the following would you be willing to do for your Union?
die
die slowly
die slowly and painfully
read an Infocom instruction material
none of the above
12. I am most attracted to:
beings who are superior to myself in rank
beings of the opposite sex
beings of the same sex
beings of no sex
myself
13. Do you suffer from any mental disorders that would prevent you from participating in laboratory experiments?
it doesn't matter; I'll do whatever I am told
no
definitely not
14. My favorite form of recreation is:
mopping up after slimy beings who are superior to myself in rank
dueling with laser bazookas at two paces
forcing people to read Infocom manuals
15. Do you enjoy working with:
people? yes / no
animals? yes / no
plants? yes / no
aliens? yes / no
finger paints? yes / no
16. Patience factor: Stand in a corner of the room facing the wall for as long as you can. Don't continue reading until you stop. Now, write here how long you stood: _______ (in days).
17. Hydrophobia factor: Chain yourself to a rock underwater for as long as you can. Don't continue reading until you stop. Now write here how long you held your breath: _______ (in days).
18. Monotony factor: Repeat number 17 above as many times as you can. Don't continue reading until you stop. Now, write here whether you were really gullible enough to repeat number 17: _______.
LOGICAL REASONING ABILITIES
19. FOOT is to SHOE as FINGER is to
a. Nose
b. Eye
c. Ear
d. Mouse
e. Donut
f. Honesty
20. RAIN is to SNOW as GROTCH is to:
a. Leopard
b. Hurricane
c. Amoeba
d. Cage
e. a and b, and maybe c and d
f. 3.14159
21. HULL is to SPACESHIP as SKIN is to:
a. Glove
b. Cat
c. Thermonuclear fusion
d. Titanium
e. Burn
f. Muffin
22. In what year was the Intergalactic Commerce Act passed?
________________________________________________
23. Who invented light deceleration process known as slow glass?
________________________________________________
24. Name the act passed in 11,205 GY to strengthen the Planetary Commerce Act. _______________________________
25. Name the year in which Arnold Guunuf invented slow glass.
________________________________________________
26. The Intergalactic Commerce Act, passed in 11,205 GY, strengthened what earlier act? ________________________
27. In 11,210, a glazier named Arnold Guunuf invented a light deceleration process. Name it. _______________________
28. What is the answer to this question? __________________
29. Three couples (the Phariixes, the Boorbs, and the Keqrees) were seated at a circular table playing Partnership Fanucci. They were a cosmobiologist, a gravity engineer, a sleep technician, an ambassador, a fusion supervisor, and an editor; and they were originally from Gallium, Legllama, Granjil-6, Storvbay, Ansill, and Jaaggo. Each male sat between two females, and no one sat next to their spouse.
From the following information, determine where each person sat, what profession each had, and what planet each came from.
a. The Ansillan sat between cosmobiologist and one of the Keqrees.
b. The female Phariix was seated across the table from the gravity engineer.
c. The male on the fusion supervisor's left sat across from the person from Granjil-6.
d. The ambassador was seated between the Jaaggoian and the editor. One of these three was the male Boorb.
e. The Storvbayite sat on the right of the Galliumian. Neither of them was a Keqree.
f. The sleep technician sat across from the Legllaman. One of them sat next to fusion supervisor.
30. Four robotic satellites were designed to do the following: YA3 to find drifting garbage, JP7 to transport the garbage, SEM6 to turn the garbage into energy, and MD8 to distribute the energy. As Destiny would have it, however, YA3 found more drifting garbage than the other three satellites could process. Based on the following clues, determine who designed the satellites.
a. YA3 did not understand signals transmitted in Galalinguan.
b. JP7 made no distinction between garbage and energy.
c. SEM6 made no distinction between garbage and YA3.
d. MD8 transmitted signals to YA3 only in Galalingiuan.
Submit this completed questionnaire to a Stellar Patrol recruiter. If you qualify for the Patrol, you will be notified within two chrons.
