Knob Polisher


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Username

Fuckass
Joined
Sep 4, 2008
Messages
1,668
Age
31
Location
Duke, New Mexico
Hi all. I've been thinking about creating a game for the Pandora for a while, and now I think I'm ready to unveil my plans. Now I don't exactly know much "code" for programming games, but I do know how to use game maker and am very handy with a knife (blade of 3 inches or shorter). I may need extensive help on the programming side, but I'll discuss that later. So here's my concept for the game. You start out as a plumber, but then your wife leaves you and your home is foreclosed. Looking for the next best profession, you chose to polish assorted handles and knobs (obviously). Basically for most of the game you wait at street corners for people to commission you to polish their knobs and handles. Then a minigame will be initiated where you rub the stylus up and down on said handles and knobs. Throughout the game you upgrade tools and also your clothing. Eventually you get to leave your shithole of a city in New Jersey and move to brooklyn (where you continue your polishing business). The goal of the game is to make a million dollars so you can pay the ransom to get your kids back. Throughout the game you get to meet new friends, marked on the radar by purple fedoras. After a few missions for each friend they are killed at gunpoint by the russian mafia never to appear again until the credits scene.edit:eek:h i forgot you can also go to gun stores and polish people's pistols edit 2: oh yeah customers can also mount you and ride you to their homes so for you to polish their knobs

Now, as I mentioned, I will need some help with the programming. If someone wants to help me with this I am willing to offer 25% of the donations I receive. I may also need some help with the art and story, and am willing to offer half of the 25% for the programming to whoever helps with the art and story. For now the release date is set to be the winter solstice of this year, though that is subject to change.

Any comments or criticisims is well apprecated. Thank you and have nice days.
 
I really don't see anything wrong with the name I chose, but if you would like you could suggest one for me. New concept art (see below)

rwszs9.jpg
 
Eternalodyssey said:
Knob polishing? Street corners? Cash only? No homosexual prostitution innuendo there at all. I respectfully suggest a different approach to a different game.
Click to expand...
I don't recall mentioning "cash only" at any point. What innuendo are you talking about? I don't understand.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Username said:
Eternalodyssey said:
Knob polishing? Street corners? Cash only? No homosexual prostitution innuendo there at all. I respectfully suggest a different approach to a different game.
Click to expand...
I don't recall mentioning "cash only" at any point. What innuendo are you talking about? I don't understand.
Click to expand...

Perhaps a new character is in order. Maybe a large, half man, half chicken... Cockgoblin! Oh yes, people everywhere will enjoy cockgoblin, and hunt down his illustrious mistress, goblincock. You must also choose a squire, whoever is the most worthy to polish your short sword. Of course, your sword polisher must have an ass to ride, as a mere knave shall not receive the pleasures of a horse. Those pleasures are granted alone, to those who assume the role of Cockgoblin!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Username said:
Hi all. I've been thinking about creating a game for the Pandora for a while, and now I think I'm ready to unveil my plans. Now I don't exactly know much "code" for programming games, but I do know how to use game maker and am very handy with a knife (blade of 3 inches or shorter). I may need extensive help on the programming side, but I'll discuss that later. So here's my concept for the game. You start out as a plumber, but then your wife leaves you and your home is foreclosed. Looking for the next best profession, you chose to polish assorted handles and knobs (obviously). Basically for most of the game you wait at street corners for people to commission you to polish their knobs and handles. Then a minigame will be initiated where you rub the stylus up and down on said handles and knobs. Throughout the game you upgrade tools and also your clothing. Eventually you get to leave your shithole of a city in New Jersey and move to brooklyn (where you continue your polishing business). The goal of the game is to make a million dollars so you can pay the ransom to get your kids back. Throughout the game you get to meet new friends, marked on the radar by purple fedoras. After a few missions for each friend they are killed at gunpoint by the russian mafia never to appear again until the credits scene.edit:eek:h i forgot you can also go to gun stores and polish people's pistols edit 2: oh yeah customers can also mount you and ride you to their homes so for you to polish their knobs

Now, as I mentioned, I will need some help with the programming. If someone wants to help me with this I am willing to offer 25% of the donations I receive. I may also need some help with the art and story, and am willing to offer half of the 25% for the programming to whoever helps with the art and story. For now the release date is set to be the winter solstice of this year, though that is subject to change.

Any comments or criticisims is well apprecated. Thank you and have nice days.
Click to expand...

Let me get this straight. You want someone else to do the programming, someone else to do the artwork, someone else to the sound, someone else to host and distribute the software (completely for free) and you are willing to offer 25% of possible donations? WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

Chris
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Game Maker = TI-Basic with sound (Not good)

Learn some real programming, and you can do anything you want.

If you want to learn to program, don't dive straight into C++. The curly brackets may make your brain explode. Use something that feels simpler, like python. Once you wrap your brain around the idea of function logic, you will never want to go back to Game Maker scripting ever again.

Here's a nice tutorial, if you're interested.
Python Programming

After you get used to doing file handling, among other things, look up some libraries like pyGame (Provides 2D image and Input support, roughly as powerful as game maker graphics-wise) and pyOpenGL for 3d. OR you could use CELStart with python or XML.

Also, doesn't sourceforge offer free hosting, as well as google code? They're both SVN I think (Probably wrong)
 
Pay no attention to the naysayers, I think this idea shows great promise. I'm looking forward to being able to beat off all-comers in my mission to be crowned king of the knob polishers. I have an active interest in real life knob polishing, so I hope you manage to get the mechanics right.
 
x68000 said:
Username is being far too generous offering 25% to a Dev.

I think you should whack off at least 5%   :p
Click to expand...

I think he could still manage to jack it up some and be reasonable
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Eternalodyssey said:
Knob polishing? Street corners? Cash only? No homosexual prostitution innuendo there at all. I respectfully suggest a different approach to a different game.
Click to expand...
You forgot the part about getting mounted by customers.
 
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