I could use some nice words


Advanced Member
Oct 18, 2009
My girl friend died 10 years ago during an astmatic incident. Some times after her dead I dreamed about being with her and we walked to a party. Than I woke up and was so incredible sad. It happened again and again and I started to try to wake up during a dream where I encounter her. It worked and now I think I am able to know when I am dreaming. My mother died two month ago from brain cancer. I took care of her for 3.5 years, it started with metastasis in the bones from breast cancer 12 years ago. At least the end was very fast.

Now I am dreaming of her. The first time I was so happy she was alive. Than I woke up. Now I am able to tell that I am dreaming. We used to drive around alot, I never made a driver license, so she drove me around. We sat in the car and talked like we always did. Than I noticed it was a dream. I did not wake up but could decide to stay in it and talk to her. I was so happy it lasted a bit but than I woke up.

Since last Christmas I had an accident and have a numbness on the right side of my body. I had an almost fatal accident when I was 23 and suffered bleeding in my head which made me dumber. It is still enough for getting a university degree and doing some research. But my little brother was so scared and I am so sorry for him. I have trouble breathing due to a chronic lung disease and woke up several times at night. Like my mother when the cancer proceeded. I stayed with her to the very end, slept next to her in the hospital and I still can't visit her grave. I think I need medical and psychological help and maybe just need someone to tell me to get help. I don't know why I am writing this in the Pyra-Boards but the Pyra community was always helpful and kind.
Psychologists are, generally, pretty good people to talk to in these situations. Depending on your location and/or occupation there might be some hotlines you can call if you don't feel like taking an appointment and meeting someone face to face.
I lost my Mum a couple of years back due to complications from cancer. She suffered from dementia in her last few years, and I was her primary carer. Her death hit me hard, but I did seek psychological help, and medical help for other reasons and I think both have been invaluable.

When you say you can't visit the grave do you mean that you can't bring yourself to do it or are you actually unable to go there? (My mum is buried more than 5km away, which makes it illegal for me to travel there most of the time these days. Thankfully there are exceptions for attending a memorial site on significant dates, so I was able to go there on what would have been her birthday.)

I can't bring myself to go there. May I ask how long did it take to feel better after you sought psychological help?
Honestly I couldn't say. Healing is a slow process. So is grieving. There are no instant fixes, but good psychological help can guide you towards ways of dealing with your grief more effectively, and sometimes just having someone to talk things out with is useful in and of itself.

- Neelix
@rohezal : I think that is good to remember loved people, but maybe those people didn't wanted you to be sad, so you really need to go on for you and for them.

The "controlled-dream" thing happened to me some times when I was younger, and was pretty cool, I was able to go around the entire city, even in buildings I never entered before... I still wonder how I was able to imagine the inside...
In some circles that's known as liminal dreaming, though I should warn you some of the communities you find out there when you search for that term would even put JDTAY's NDE threads to shame.
According to the internet kittens make people happier:
I don't know if that brings any joy, but usually if it can make me smile for only a second I have hope I can feel better eventually.
I will try to find a psychologist .
The advice I can give you is to not go to one only, but talk to several through a short introduction session. And stick with the one where it "clicks" the most. Sometimes you are uncomfortable talking to a certain person, and although they try their best, it's you that needs to decide with whom to talk. I also found it better to not go to one where friends and family went to already. Just someone nobody knew.
When I was numb, I worked harder, sported just to keep my mind occupied from processing the loss. But it always hits harder in the winter. Don't forget to feed yourself vitamins and minerals. Stay healthy.

And about getting dumber: I feel you, it's a downward curve for all of us. I make up for with extra effort and experience. Intelligent people are less happy anyway. Having a bigger heart is better than having a bigger brain.

Find your purpose.

God's bless.
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Sorry to hear you've not had the easiest ride. Grief is a horrible thing to get over. I had similar troubles when I was studying in university but I eventually was able to arrange to see the counsellor and it does help just talking about the things, so please look into it.
@rohezal , Stay strong mate, and don't be afraid of seeking help. Sometimes just mentioning to a GP (General Practitioner, regular Doctor? Sorry, don't know the lingo in your country) is enough to get a supportive ear, and they can judge whether your mood needs intervention, and will (in my country) refer you to further help if needed. This takes the 'daunting' part out of asking for help. You can just gently say 'I'm having difficulty sleeping', When they ask for more info you can spill your guts and they'll listen. I was once shy of asking too, and the results were rather bad. Eventually I realised that other people with health problems were getting help, so why shouldn't I? Hope this helps.

In the mean time, Great Dane vids really help too :) :