A bit of London slang for you guys... so if your in Londoin your know what we're on about
Budgie's tongue - Descriptive of the female erectile bit.
Blue veined hooligan - A six-inch tall, one eyed skin-head.
Chuff muncher - A woman in comfortable shoes.
Cliterature - One handed reading matter.
Cough your filthy yoghurt - A romantic expression for ejaculation.
Drown some kittens - To pass a litter of small turds.
Excalibur - A magic turd of legendary proportions that rises eerily out of the water of a mist shrouded toilet.
Feeding the pony - One handed groping of a lady's toothless gibbon.
Five pinter - An ugly bird who you'd only chat up after 5 pints.
Fizzy gravy - Rusty water, diarrhoea.
Free the tadpoles - To have a tug.
Genie rub - To buff up a skin lantern until you are granted three sticky wishes.
Greyhound - A very short skirt (ie "one inch from the hare") Haddock pastie Beef curtains.
Hand-to-gland combat - A three minute one man bout of gladiatorial combat involving a spam javelin.
Ham-on-ham - The delightful sight of two young ladies going at it hammer and tongues.
Harbour-master - One who has piloted a few tugboats in his time.
Jelly jewellery -The earrings, nose-studs, fancy spectacle and other facial adornments a woman sometimes receives when her partner had intended to give her a pearl necklace.
Left handed batsman - Someone who prefers his balls delivered from the pavilion end.
Left-handed website - An Internet website which causes visitors to use their mouse with the Left hand.
Loose-lips - Affectionate term for a woman has has been cocked more times than Davy Crockett's rifle.
Mexican lipstick - The embarrassing facial tide marks found after eating out with a lady who is up on blocks.
Night watchman - A turd that has failed to flush away, not discovered until the next morning.
Pace car The slow - un-aerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped up bastards behind it to put their foot down.
Pensioners leg -A thin, knobbly, veiny penis.
Pie-liner - A Femidom.
Release the chocolate hostage - To Liberate a "Richard the Third" after his imprisonment in your back porch.
Sixty-eight -Oral sex given on the understanding that the favour will be returned ("Ere, give us a sixty eight, and I'll owe you one").
Split the beard - Part the whiskers, shag a bird. Starfish trooper An "arsetronaught". Thick repeater A large-bore semi-automatic, single barrel mutton musket
Treading water - Light strumming on the banjo in order to keep ones interest up during the dull plot bits in a grumbleflick.
Thunberbird - A fat woman.
Tubby chaser - A man who thinks thunderbirds are go.
Turkey - The cracker you think you have pulled at the office Christmas party, who turns out to be a tough old bird who only gets stuffed once a year.
Up on blocks - A woman with a monthly MOT failure due to a recurring leak under the beetle bonnet. Having a period (menstruating). i.e. Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".
Wizard's sleeve - A particularly capacious sausage wallet. As in "I can't feel a thing in here, you must have a fanny like a wizard's sleeve."
Wobbly landing - Trying when drunk to manoeuvre your underinflated zipper zeppelin into your bird's hairy hanger.
Beer scooter - the ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it.... i.e : "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter". One in the departure lounge The need to defecate imminently.
Aeroplane blond -one who has dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'! Aeroplane skirt a skirt with a very long slit up it that goes all the way up to the 'cockpit'.
Badly packed kebab - a vulgar (but still excellent) term for the 'vagina'.
Britney Spears - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'beers'.... e.g : "Give us a couple of Britney's will ya Doreen".
Bruce Lee's - erect nipples (as in a pair of hard 'nips').
Bum Gravy - This one speaks for itself ! You may get this after a dodgy curry.
Bunny boiler - an unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction". e.g. "I don't like the look of her mate, could be a bunny boiler".
Council gritter - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'shitter'. eg : "Does she take it up the council ?".
Donald Trump - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'dump' (defecate). e.g. "I'm just nipping out for a Donald".
Drink-link -a modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze !
Furry monkey - slang term for vagina. As used by Daisy Donovan on Channel 4's Eleven O'Clock Show.
Jackson Pollock(s) - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'bollocks' (testicles).e.g."He needs a good kick in the Jackson's".
Johnny-no-stars - a young man of substandard intelligence, i.e. the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' bit comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear which show their level of training.
Salad dodger - an excellent phrase for an overweight person.
Swamp donkey - an unattractive woman. e.g. "Blimey, have you seen those swamp donkeys sitting in the corner !". Tart fuel similar to 'bitch piss', bottled alcopop's regularly drank by young women.
Turkish bath - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'laugh'. e.g. "You're 'avin a Turkish mate !".
Wallace and Gromit - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.
Wyatt Earp - Modern Rhyming Slang for 'burp'.
Me and my mates actually do use quite a few of these in converstaion.
