For The Humor Impaired.


Phawx

Professional Derailer
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
1,345
A number of incidents have taken place in the last several weeks which have troubled many members of our community. Let me get to the crux of the matter: I welcome Craig's comments. However, Craig needs to realize that I've tried explaining to his backers that we must stay the course and resist all temptations to purge the land of every non-ethically bankrupt person, gene, idea, and influence. Unfortunately, it is clear to me in talking to them that they have no comprehension of what I'm saying. I might as well be talking to creatures from Mars. In fact, I'd bet Martians would be more likely to discern that I wonder if Craig really believes the things he says. He knows they're not true, doesn't he? The answer is a bit of a taboo subject but that won't stop me from telling you. You see, Craig cannot tolerate the world as it is. He needs to live in a world of fantasies. To be more specific, the picture I am presenting need not be confined to Craig's equivocations. It applies to everything he says and does.

On rare occasions, in order to preserve their liberties, sometimes people must convince baleful, childish publishers of hate literature that there is absolutely nothing they can do to better their lot in life besides joining Craig. Craig does that even when his liberties aren't being threatened. There is only one way to stop him from forcing me to cry. We must make out of fools, wise people; out of fanatics, men of sense; out of idlers, workers; out of feckless, cocky buttinskies, people who are willing to feed the starving, house the homeless, cure the sick, and still find wonder and awe in the sunrise and the moonlight. Then together we can pursue virtue and knowledge. Together we can show the world that it would be great if we could empower the oppressed to control their own lives. Still, if we take a step, just a step, towards addressing the issue of insurrectionism, then maybe we can open people's eyes (including our own) to a vision of how to explain a few facets of this confusing world around us.

When a friend wants to drive inebriated, you try to stop him. Well, Craig is drunk with power, which is why we must take a strong position on his values, which, after all, feed blind hatred. Let me try to put this in perspective: His claim that his mind games are Right with a capital R is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind. Craig recently went through a despotism phase in which he tried repeatedly to etiolate his enemies. In fact, I'm not convinced that this phase of his has entirely passed. My evidence is that Craig teaches workshops on hooliganism. Students who have been through the program compare it to a Communist re-education camp.

I won't lie to you; by breaking down our communities, Craig has erected a monument to boosterism. Only it does not seem proper to say that such a thing has been "created". "Excreted", "belched", "spewed", and "spat out" are expressions more appropriate to the object here described. You see, this is not the place to develop that subject. It demands many pages of analysis, which I can't spare in this letter. Instead, I'll just state the key point, which is that Craig does not have a record of tolerance. There are several logical contradictions in his position on this matter. For example, purists may object to my failure to present specific examples of Craig's hostile demands. Fortunately, I do have an explanation for this omission. The explanation demands an understanding of how Craig's method (or school, or ideology—it is hard to know exactly what to call it) goes by the name of "Craig-ism". It is a cuckoo and avowedly sadistic philosophy that aims to marginalize me based on my gender, race, or religion.

All of these things are related: masochism, Craig's suggestions, and the general breakdown of our society. I'll even tell you how they're related. It's really very simple. In essence, recidivism doesn't work. So why does Craig cling to it? Well, while you're deliberating over that, let me ask you another question: How foul can Craig be? Now, not to bombard you with too many questions, but Craig should try being a little more open-minded. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by Craig's humorless, self-serving commentaries, but he is a man utterly without honor, without principles, without a shred of genuine patriotism. That's why I say that Craig thinks we want him to bring about a wonderland of elitism. Excuse me, but maybe thoughtful people are being forced to admit, after years of evading the truth, that I have been right. I was right when I said that Craig's bait-and-switch tactics are contrary to international human rights and humanitarian standards. I was right when I said that I am confident that perfidious fribbles will come to their own conclusions about all of these matters. And I was right when I said that the notion that Craig needs to come to terms with his patronizing past is pervasive. He will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact because if he didn't, you might come to realize that he wants us to think of him as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that Craig wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If he really wanted to be a do-gooder, he could start by admitting that in his quest to crush the remaining vestiges of democracy throughout the world he has left no destructive scheme unutilized.

If we don't get Craig off our backs, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our children, we need to teach them diligently that Craig's double standards are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of "tradition". Funny, that was the same term that his vicegerents once used to make excessive use of foul language. He frequently avers his support of democracy and his love of freedom. But one need only look at what he is doing—as opposed to what he is saying—to understand his true aims.

Because I unfortunately lack the psychic powers that enable Craig to "know" matters for which there is no reliable evidence, I cannot forecast when he will next try to make bargains with the devil. But I can unmistakably say that if I had to choose between chopping onions and helping Craig keep us hypnotized so we don't purge the darkness from his heart, I'd be in the kitchen in an instant. Although both alternatives make me cry, the deciding factor for me is that the reason Craig wants to combine, in a rare mixture, bestial cruelty and an inconceivable gift for lying is that he's entirely tendentious. If you believe you have another explanation for his villainous behavior, then please write and tell me about it.

One wonders if Craig has the cheek to scatter about in profusion an abundance of pro-Craig ethics. I obviously hope not because Craig's premise (that ethical responsibility is merely a trammel of earthbound mortals and should not be required of a demigod like him) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Craig uses this disguised morality to support his homilies, thereby making his argument self-refuting. Some people have said that some of his ideas raise important questions about future social interactions and their relationship to civil liberties. Maybe. But I'm more inclined to believe that Craig has repeatedly been spotted insulting my intelligence. When questioned about that, he either denies any knowledge of it or offers unbelievable and ludicrous explanations that only a repressive bureaucrat could believe. Mankind needs to do more to take away as many of his opportunities for mischief as possible. Understand, I am not condemning mankind for not doing enough; I am merely stating that I will stop at nothing to ensure that we survive and emerge triumphant out of the coming chaos and destruction. My resolve cannot fully be articulated but it is unyielding. As evidence, consider that Craig's rejoinders are like a Hydra. They continually acquire new heads and new strength. The only way to stunt their growth is to recognize and respect the opinions, practices, and behavior of others. The only way to destroy his Hydra entirely is to provide more people with the knowledge that if we let Craig shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization.

In its annual report on stultiloquent incidents, the government concluded that Craig will put a clog on all attempts to limit his power one of these days. When that event happens, a darkness and evil exceeding anything seen in history will descend over the world. I can hope only that before it does, people will deal with Craig appropriately. Only then can we lift the fog from Craig's thinking. Consider the issue of batty, predatory academicism. Everyone agrees that his hypocrisy comes out when he denies that he surrounds himself with the worst types of closed-minded bullies there are, but there are still some mean-spirited, vigilantism-oriented know-nothings out there who doubt that it's mindless mountebanks like him that deprive individuals of the right to develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about his slogans. To them I say: If you think that everyone and everything discriminates against him—including the writing on the bathroom stalls—then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what Craig wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that some maledicent lowbrows actually allege that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. This is the kind of muddled thinking that he is encouraging with his undertakings. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as mischievous dopeheads.

Please humor me for a moment while I state that Craig claims that at birth every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum. That claim is preposterous and, to use Craig's own language, overtly annoying. No history can justify it. Be honest; can you in any way believe his claim that his blessing is the equivalent of a papal imprimatur? I truly cannot, mainly because he might curry favor with mealymouthed stumblebums using a barrage of flattery, especially recognition of their "value", their "importance", their "educational mission", and other untrustworthy, ignorant nonsense, in the immediate years ahead. What are we to do then? Place blinders over our eyes and hope we don't see the horrible outcome? While reading this letter, you may have occasionally asked yourself, "Where is all of this leading?" and, "What is the point exactly?" I deliberately wrote in the style I did so that you may come up with your own conclusions. Therefore, I leave you with only the following: Craig's anecdotes, when taken as a whole, are frightful.
 
Yea, I should have only auto-generated 3 paragraphs. 10 is a bit too much
 
Hahaha if I didn't know better, I'd assume you were a complete nutjob who posted these, his last words, before he died of an overdose on something strong.

Also, LOL files?
 
It took every ounce of energy I had to climb that great wall of text. But I did. I climbed that entire great wall of text. And now that I am here, standing on the other side of that great wall, I think to myself...

WTF was that?! :ph34r:
 
Come on guys. How long have you been on the internet?

You haven't seen the auto-complaint generator?

http://www.pakin.org/complaint/

edit:

Here is a short version:

In a prior letter, I identified a set of ideological premises as superordinate constructions that maintain the rhetorical context in which Craig is able to punish dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death. I will now elaborate on three of his most unreasonable premises:

1. Everyone with a different set of beliefs from his is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell.
2. He has a "special" perspective on teetotalism that carries with it a "special" right to cause (or at least contribute to) a variety of social ills.
3. He has the trappings of deity.

Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous letters: His buddies have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation. Anyway, that's it for this letter. Let Craig read it and weep.


BTW: I did this to lighten the mood around here. These are jokes. Jokes, people. Honestly, I was cracking up on paragraph three.
 
Phawx said:
Come on guys. How long have you been on the internet?

You haven't seen the auto-complaint generator?

http://www.pakin.org/complaint/

[...]

BTW: I did this to lighten the mood around here. These are jokes. Jokes, people. Honestly, I was cracking up on paragraph three.


That's actually pretty cool! I tried the company one and typed "Microsoft" for kicks. Someone obviously had a lot of time on their hands to come up with something like this. I refreshed the page several times and each time it spawned a different "complaint" letter.

Good show though! I may even use this one day. :p
 
Last edited by a moderator:
tricky stuff, humour, you shouldn't really use it on non-certified-humorous lifeforms, they might spontaneously combust or something :eek:

you DO have a permit to be funny, don`t you? , just askin`
 
Let's talk about Phawx's endeavors. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Let's review the errors in Phawx's statements in order. First, Phawx controls a secret underground empire. If, today, the urge of his war-soul can prompt him to devalue me as a person, then imagine, if you can, how that same soul will express itself through the thousandfold-more-contemptuous Phawx of tomorrow. He's more than oligophrenic. Phawx's mega-oligophrenic. In fact, to understand just how oligophrenic he is, you first need to realize that Phawx wants nothing less than to threaten national security, hence his repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of his fastidious imprecations.

If I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less clumsy than Phawx. We must bear this bitter truth coolly and soberly in mind. Phawx will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact because if he didn't, you might come to realize that if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance.

I mean, really. Phawx hates you—yes, you, because you, like me, want to make a genuine contribution to human society. I could tell him that while decent people sit by, snore, and have their maws open, he is out forcing me to question my existence, although he obviously doesn't care. I could tell him that my comments about him can serve as a provisional response to his tirades until a more comprehensive treatment becomes available, but he wouldn't believe me. He probably also doesn't care that it's a sad world where lousy imbeciles have the power to stigmatize any and all attempts to shatter the illusion that he can convince criminals to fill out an application form before committing a crime. So let me appeal to whatever small semblance of reason Phawx may be capable of when I tell him that he should think about how his sophistries lead testy, uncivilized riffraff to suborn evil ideologues to violate values so important to our sense of community. If Phawx doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should just keep quiet. Let me end by saying that I know that what I have written in this letter will send many readers (especially any who are big fans of Phawx) into a tizzy or a tantrum. I am sorry, but I remind them that Phawx's power is built on lies.
 
I must confess, after getting my pandora I was forced into Craig's workshops of hooliganism. I now have celestial serial number of 1A789DUHJSU443 and I operate on frequency power spectrum of 999 hz.
 
atomicthumbs said:
Let's talk about Phawx's endeavors. Let's talk about them in a very specific and personal way. Let's review the errors in Phawx's statements in order. First, Phawx controls a secret underground empire. If, today, the urge of his war-soul can prompt him to devalue me as a person, then imagine, if you can, how that same soul will express itself through the thousandfold-more-contemptuous Phawx of tomorrow. He's more than oligophrenic. Phawx's mega-oligophrenic. In fact, to understand just how oligophrenic he is, you first need to realize that Phawx wants nothing less than to threaten national security, hence his repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of his fastidious imprecations.

If I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less clumsy than Phawx. We must bear this bitter truth coolly and soberly in mind. Phawx will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact because if he didn't, you might come to realize that if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance.

I mean, really. Phawx hates you—yes, you, because you, like me, want to make a genuine contribution to human society. I could tell him that while decent people sit by, snore, and have their maws open, he is out forcing me to question my existence, although he obviously doesn't care. I could tell him that my comments about him can serve as a provisional response to his tirades until a more comprehensive treatment becomes available, but he wouldn't believe me. He probably also doesn't care that it's a sad world where lousy imbeciles have the power to stigmatize any and all attempts to shatter the illusion that he can convince criminals to fill out an application form before committing a crime. So let me appeal to whatever small semblance of reason Phawx may be capable of when I tell him that he should think about how his sophistries lead testy, uncivilized riffraff to suborn evil ideologues to violate values so important to our sense of community. If Phawx doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should just keep quiet. Let me end by saying that I know that what I have written in this letter will send many readers (especially any who are big fans of Phawx) into a tizzy or a tantrum. I am sorry, but I remind them that Phawx's power is built on lies.

Atomicthumbs's worst transgressions are systematically whitewashed by the press. To counteract that whitewash, I will use the remainder of my space here to expose atomicthumbs for what it really is. Before I launch into my main topic, I want to make a few matters crystal-clear: (1) A lot of people may end up getting hurt before the final spasm of atomicthumbs's rage is played out, and (2) as a result of that, I'm sure atomicthumbs seriously believes that moral relativism is the key to world peace, seeing how its selective memory works. Now that you know where I stand on those issues, I can safely say that on several occasions I have heard it state that its exegeses can give us deeper insights into the nature of reality. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that atomicthumbs uses the word "anatomicochirurgical" to justify destroying our moral fiber. In doing so, it is reversing the meaning of that word as a means of disguising the fact that I am not embarrassed to admit that I have neither the training, the experience, the license, nor the clinical setting necessary to properly improve the physical and spiritual quality of life for the population at present and for those yet to come. Nevertheless, I do have the will to stop this insanity. That's why I feel that if its thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, atomicthumbs wouldn't consider it such a good idea to descend to character assassination and name calling. So you see, without checks and balances, dictatorial pantywaists are free to promote a culture of dependency and failure.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Pickle said:
I must confess, after getting my pandora I was forced into Craig's workshops of hooliganism. I now have celestial serial number of 1A789DUHJSU443 and I operate on frequency power spectrum of 999 hz.

"... forced into Craig's Workshop of hooliganism." Hahahaaha, Well done Pickle. I read the one on me and it's hilarious because it's like building a huge scaffold to nothing. I read this line like eighteen times and it still doesn't make sense, "Phawx will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact because if he didn't, you might come to realize that if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance."

:D

Auto complaint generator. I used it many times in my EverQuest days against SOE.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Back
Top