It's the time of the year where kids are at their most savage. They about to run your house, take all your candy, your shoelaces, and your video game controllers. They'll do you like Kevin did James in Vacation.
You think little Timmy is walking down the street looking like a bank robber for no reason?! It's a
new moon today, people, which means it's gonna be pitch black where street lights don't shine. So not only will you not see them coming if you wander too far away from a light source, but also, even when you inevitably see them a second too late, you will never know if it was little Timmy, Jimmy, or Bimmy that got you. The only thing you'll know is that a creature of Halloween wearing a Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump mask had a thick branch, that branch made solid contact with both of your shins, and anything on your person that contained even an iota of fructose or dextrose or aspartame was expropriated.
The next day, you'll see little Timmy walking home from school, waving at you as he passes by, smiling. It's as if nothing happened.
Outside of Independence Day, I don't much care for holidays, tbh.
