Funny Links And Jokes

[BaDToaD]

The Noob. A comic based on MMORPGs set in the online world of Clichequest.

 

[Hanz™]

Christ...
Now we have non funny jokes mixed in with funny jokes, whatever next.

edit:
Ack! I get you point so here have a biscuit...

The Test

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

 

[generalnmx]

Christ...
Now we have non funny jokes mixed in with funny jokes, whatever next.

​

Now isn't THAT funny!

 

[skysnapper]

Heres your coats, taxis have been ordered

PLEASE leave this thread now! <_<

 

[Esn]

There was once a king who had no sons. In desperation, he picked out three men from his kingdom and asked them if they thought they had what it took to rule a country.

"Of course," they answered, to which the king replied, "you need endurance and an iron will to rule a country! Come to my castle tommorow and I shall devise a trial to see which one of you can endure the most!"

So they came to the king's castle the next day, and the king took them inside and into a tall tower. He then proceeded to lock each of them in his own room; one of these was on ground level, and two of them were directly above it, on the 2nd and 3rd floor. None of them had windows.

"Here's the test of endurance," said the king, "you must stay in these rooms for one week, and if when I come back here I find that you have shitted in the room, you will be thrown out of the competition for the kingship and will be beheaded." And with that the king locked the doors.

....

After a week, the king came to check on the men. He checked the guy on the 3rd floor first. The floor was sparkly clean, and the room was exactly as it had been a week ago, except for a carpet which had been moved to a different spot of the floor. The king congratulated the man, and proceeded to the 2nd floor. Here there was a bit a smell, but the floor was completely clean and the room was exactly as it had been before, except for a carpet which had been moved. Finally, the king went to check out the guy on the ground floor. He knocked on the door... no answer. He knocked again... no answer. Finally the king became angry, "BY THE ORDER OF YOUR KING, OPEN THIS DOOR!" A muffled voice answered him: "sorry your majesty... I'm not a very good swimmer!"

 

[TandeM]

Thought o' the day:

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp...dest=9999999997

 

[p j]

There was once a king who had no sons. In desperation, he picked out three men from his kingdom and asked them if they thought they had what it took to rule a country.

"Of course," they answered, to which the king replied, "you need endurance and an iron will to rule a country! Come to my castle tommorow and I shall devise a trial to see which one of you can endure the most!"

So they came to the king's castle the next day, and the king took them inside and into a tall tower. He then proceeded to lock each of them in his own room; one of these was on ground level, and two of them were directly above it, on the 2nd and 3rd floor. None of them had windows.

"Here's the test of endurance," said the king, "you must stay in these rooms for one week, and if when I come back here I find that you have shitted in the room, you will be thrown out of the competition for the kingship and will be beheaded." And with that the king locked the doors.

....

After a week, the king came to check on the men. He checked the guy on the 3rd floor first. The floor was sparkly clean, and the room was exactly as it had been a week ago, except for a carpet which had been moved to a different spot of the floor. The king congratulated the man, and proceeded to the 2nd floor. Here there was a bit a smell, but the floor was completely clean and the room was exactly as it had been before, except for a carpet which had been moved. Finally, the king went to check out the guy on the ground floor. He knocked on the door... no answer. He knocked again... no answer. Finally the king became angry, "BY THE ORDER OF YOUR KING, OPEN THIS DOOR!" A muffled voice answered him: "sorry your majesty... I'm not a very good swimmer!"

​

i dont get it

 

[markusdragon]

"Three blokes walk into a pub, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability." -- Bill Bailey

 

[thecheat]

:lol:

 

[Mark]

"Three blokes walk into a pub, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability." -- Bill Bailey

​

Lol that's so good.

 

[kknd_cf]

"Three blokes walk into a pub, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability." -- Bill Bailey

​

You also got that DVD for Christmas eh?
It's really funny

 

[p j]

There was once a king who had no sons.  In desperation, he picked out three men from his kingdom and asked them if they thought they had what it took to rule a country. 

"Of course," they answered, to which the king replied, "you need endurance and an iron will to rule a country!  Come to my castle tommorow and I shall devise a trial to see which one of you can endure the most!"

So they came to the king's castle the next day, and the king took them inside and into a tall tower.  He then proceeded to lock each of them in his own room; one of these was on ground level, and two of them were directly above it, on the 2nd and 3rd floor.  None of them had windows.

"Here's the test of endurance," said the king, "you must stay in these rooms for one week, and if when I come back here I find that you have shitted in the room, you will be thrown out of the competition for the kingship and will be beheaded." And with that the king locked the doors.

....

After a week, the king came to check on the men.  He checked the guy on the 3rd floor first.  The floor was sparkly clean, and the room was exactly as it had been a week ago, except for a carpet which had been moved to a different spot of the floor.  The king congratulated the man, and proceeded to the 2nd floor.  Here there was a bit a smell, but the floor was completely clean and the room was exactly as it had been before, except for a carpet which had been moved.  Finally, the king went to check out the guy on the ground floor.  He knocked on the door... no answer.  He knocked again... no answer.  Finally the king became angry, "BY THE ORDER OF YOUR KING, OPEN THIS DOOR!"  A muffled voice answered him: "sorry your majesty... I'm not a very good swimmer!"

​

i dont get it

​

oh shit i get it now- thats not right :wacko:

i didnt read this bit last time

if when I come back here I find that you have shitted in the room, you will be thrown out of the competition for the kingship and will be beheaded." And with that the king locked the doors.

 

[markusdragon]

"Three blokes walk into a pub, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability." -- Bill Bailey

​

You also got that DVD for Christmas eh?
It's really funny

​

Yup. Also saw him live last year.

 

[kknd_cf]

"Three blokes walk into a pub, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability." -- Bill Bailey

​

You also got that DVD for Christmas eh?
It's really funny

​

Yup. Also saw him live last year.

​

I also got Ricky Gervais Live 2 and one of All Murray (pub landlord). I easily found Bailey the funniest!

 

[markusdragon]

Indeed, Personally can't stand Gervais. Al Murray isn't too bad though .

http://muse.cream.org/bill/audio.html

 

[finty]

Gervais is about as funny as a dead rat.

 

[kknd_cf]

Indeed, Personally can't stand Gervais. Al Murray isn't too bad though .

http://muse.cream.org/bill/audio.html

​

Thanks for that!

 

[Mark]

Gervais is about as funny as a dead rat.

​

I think Gervais is fantastic. He's got a different brand of comedy, sure, but anyone that keeps a diary for someone else for a month, making up facts for no reason is okay in my book.

 

[kknd_cf]

Gervais is about as funny as a dead rat.

​

I think Gervais is fantastic. He's got a different brand of comedy, sure, but anyone that keeps a diary for someone else for a month, making up facts for no reason is okay in my book.

​

I thought his recent show was really funny. He looks like he's really annoying in real life though (if you've seen any of his real-life footage) but a s a standup I think he's brilliant.

 

[finty]

The title of Politics was very misleading, plus the guy gets on like a twat, in a not so funny way.