Do you want to help me write a poem?

[rygD]

I know this is probably not the place to look for help with this, but I am active here, and some of you are more than a little nerdy, so why not?

If you are moderately knowledgeable with the works of Hesiod, Homer, or others, but mostly Hesiod, or you like writing poems or songs, or you can cram a lot of meaning into a few words (so a good vocabulary, I guess), or just want to help out and can count to 10, let me know. I should probably ask for Discordians, too, I guess.

I want to make something along the lines of the Thomas Taylor translation of the Orphic Hymns. Of the 4 examples I knew about or could find online that are dedicated to Eris or Enyo, one is awesome and a ripoff of someone else's work (but too long, and doesn't have the right feel), one is a piece of a song (very short and too limited in scope, but the whole song is nice in general imo), one is what you would expect in the modern world (too jokey), and the last one is ok (at least some of the same source material as the first, but the mood feels off, and seems to have the same approach often found with the ancient Greeks toward Ares, but the length is good, and I like their idea).

Even if you only want to give feedback, let me know, as that would also help me out.

Oh, and if you find violence distasteful, you probably won't want to participate. I mean, I mentioned both Homer and Eris, and I am not talking about cartoon characters.

 

[Wally]

You mean this homer right?

 

[FBnil]

I am unfortunately not well versed with the English language. Not only that, but it being my third language, means that other books had to be read instead of these, for each country has its own set of books that had to be read. I could describe you the horrors of reading the original Don Quijote in its, unabbreviated, old Spanish version. Shakes-pear translated into non-english loses some of its value, just like reading Garcia-Marquez in English.
The feeling of reading old English is like reading the newspaper as a 18 year old Chinese. You only get to understand half of it because you do not know the 84 thousand characters and combinations. (This is, of course, an exaggeration, as the Newspaper uses mostly simplified Chinese, which is still >1000 characters). And yet, Westerners kill off old letters, like the English Y (Thorn), The Dutch IJ (ÿ), The Spanish CH and LL; While others stick to their German ß (sharp S) like it is special and can not be reduced to ss (without making them feel uncomfortable) for, I guess, political reasons. Middle easteners yield their pronunciation, for example Parsi (the language of the Persians) is now called Farsi because the invading tribe could not pronounce the P.

So lets analyze a bit:

http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/hoo/ specifically: http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/hoo/hoo06.htm

TO THE GODDESS PROTHYRÆA

O venerable goddess, hear my pray'r,
For labour pains are thy peculiar care;
in thee, when stretch'd upon the bed of grief,
The sex as in a mirror view relief.
Guard of the race, endued with gentle mind,
To helpless youth, benevolent and kind;
Benignant nourisher; great Nature's key
Belongs to no divinity but thee.

Which in modern English would translate to: Make the labour pain stop!

Then, even if the rhymes are above 50-cent's level, they are below Eminem's level. But the wording, oh my, the wording is complex. I can read it, but not write that.

Here is my shot at violence, with doom and gloom at the end (with some humor, because else it would be too dark, now would it):

Tis but a scratch, I thought
Looking at the Pandora I bought.
Second hand, they said almost new;
Nubs unusable and missing all screws.
Now this is good money laid to waste,
the scratch features a prominent place.
I'll try to sell it. Yes, I'll do that now,
I will save it up for later, and somehow;
I'll buy a knife then when a Pyra owner stands,
I will pry the Pyra from his cold dead hands.
And now everybody and their stepsister,
have to apply for a worldwide mandatory Pyra register.




So I posted, just to fill the void (disregard the moderator). But I'm afraid here do not reside the droids you are looking for, Floyd.
[doublepost=1505037873,1505036443][/doublepost]ATTEND Pyratæns to my solemn song,
and learn what rites to sacrifice belong.
For thou will hardly see under solar light,
but under the moon's splendor, and the stars of night;
Justice be done; Oh beautious delight,
The eye with Delphic praise 'cause of the backlight.
Now this is the Pyra that Deucalion wants to carry,
In his hart also place for Pyrrha, that he wants to marry.
But just when the Nymphs thought that he was save,
Bounteous second Pyra that I, myself, gave.
[doublepost=1505037975][/doublepost]Now be careful, and utmost I warn thee....
I am out on the prowl for Pyra number three...
So if you see me out under the twinkling stars with a knife...
Remove and pocket your SD card, drop your Pyra and run for your ....

 

[Binky]

<Ahem>

Slow, as from a distant land,
Pandora's child draws near,
Two Months can drain away like sand -
The time will soon be here,

When spectres flee her shining keys,
And mortals fear the dazzling light.
Allowing us, with equal ease,
To work and play, in day, or night.

For now, we gaze on images,
Dull shadows on a glowing screen,
And scriptures from a dragon's claw,
Foretelling what was once a dream.

Have patience for fair Pyra, friends.
You shan't regret the wait.
Precisely when she means to be,
She'll not be early, nor be late.

 

[Caine]

Nice Binky. That one is really good.

 

[FBnil]

My dear Binky, we have heard that one before.
T'is never two months but always two more.
It pains me, but think about Moxie's fate,
he has left us now, and for him it's too late.
Others amassed money, and when temptation struck,
bought GPD's, and without more money, are out of luck.
We are 1092 man strong, just look at us now;
our ranks barely grow, but are stable somehow.
As Praefectus castrorum, you, out of all should know.
That these offtopic pages are like the first snow.
Signs that loyals are getting bored. So I removed my Pyra gear,
and donned the Pandora, because that's what's here.
So I tell you this, because we know how it stands,
I am afraid what the winter will do to our courageous ranks.
From the book of the Dragon, there was this one sign:
We will see the birth of the Pyra before Iphone 9.

 

[levi]

I like a poem with hyperlinks in. It's like the future (until all the links rot).

 

[Binky]

A verse with weblinks? Well, what next?
That is a first for me.
Although you come across as vexed,
I'm sure that you can see.

It is not fuss that ever will,
Bring forth that happy day.
But engineers of greatest skill,
Who sweep hurdles away.

They all deserve encouragement.
No discontented sighs!
As does the dragon who is bent,
On letting freedom rise.

So while we men, and women sit,
And watch history unfold
There are great poems to be writ,
And jokes that can be told.

 

[FBnil]

I waited for your reply, refreshing every hour or so.
Waiting for a witty answer, and was not disappoint.
But does line one rhyme with three? I did not know.
I'll try your verse type because you made a strong point.

They do deserve encouragement, and I'm all for that;
so remove for an hour or two their shackles.
Let them walk, eat, drink, sleep and take a bath;
then let them return to their posts to wage the uphill battles.

Soldering on and typing on to make software
And before you know it, and just like that
As if nobody suspected, though some do care,
this topic will become a keyboard thread.

The mother Pandora still has lots of hope,
in the stolen box left to give away.
though some will cheer and some will say nope;
that's all from me now. I bid you a good day.

But before I go I'll tell you this now,
there's something I am looking forward to, I think.
It doesn't work all year, but only one month somehow;
so just two more months and I'll play Pixelink.

 

[rygD]

You mean this homer right?

Nah, the long dead Greek guy. See where I said "I am not talking about cartoon characters". If it were that one I would just see if I could persuade him to do it for me with a box of donuts, and the promise of a pitcher of beer upon completion.

@FBnil, at some points in my life I have said "I should learn the language so I can read that" about the Don Quixote you were talking about, and Shakespeare in Klingon. More practical for some of my hobbies would be Latin and Greek, or for other things Latin, Hebrew and Arabic (and maybe Greek, and Aramaic, and probably some others), then we have programming languages that are currently being discussed in another thread. For practical use I would go for a few of the languages from Europe and Asia with large numbers of massive speakers, and Arabic. But I barely speak American English coherently enough for other Americans to comprehend more than simple ideas I attempt to express sometimes.

In some of the older English manuscripts and printed books I read I come across strange spellings it takes me a minute to decipher, and some characters not currently used (long s being the most obvious, I am sure). I am only talking about a few hundred years ago, though, as I rarely find anything much older, and if I were to go back too far I probably couldn't understand most of it. Mostly modern English for me. Sometimes I do take a peek at older Latin, French, and Italian manuscripts (variants of one, and English translations, it's where my poem idea came from), usually after having looked at an English translation, and mostly when I am looking for something specific. Rarely I will look at other languages where I can only make out a few words, and I might come across the letters you mentioned, but I am usually only looking at pictures, or how they compare to versions in other languages (there is one I recently found out about that I want to take a better look at, which is closely related to the Italian/French and various English translations I mentioned a minute ago...I don't know if it had been made publicly viewable online, but someone is translating it, not sure to what language, and hopefully if they publish that the book will also include a facsimile of the manuscript).

Anyway, to the point: I am pretty sure Taylor's translations are highly inaccurate, and he was more interested in something artistically viable. (I made a post about things like this not that long ago.) Still, I think they are fun and snappy. As for your examples, I would say you are far more skilled than I am, as I keep chasing ideas trying to get them to fit and rhyme without being horrible. They are probably horrible.

I like a poem with hyperlinks in. It's like the future (until all the links rot).

Unfortunately, links don't work well on paper (yet). Hell, just modernizing things enough to include firearms alongside swords and shields, and sneaking in references to underground nuke testing and the use of aircraft (that most people wouldn't notice), while still keeping the classical feel and references, was difficult enough.

@Binky, and the rest of you, lemme know if you actually want to help with my poem. I can make a private group (my words are shy) and share what I have (not much), plus the stuff I mentioned in my original post, and another one I found. I can also point you toward decent web resources that are relevant if you haven't already found them, or have books with preferred translations (the ones I would link are English).